I didn't realize that pants suits from JC Penney = Thai stripper. Now I know. I guess my church clothes (blue jeans, black shoes, plain jacket) are like going naked.
Apparently to be Real Catholics (TM), we all have to wear lace doilies on our heads when we go out. And we have to sit in the wimmen section.
You can just say you’re the bouncer ;-), like when we had the enormous police officer who would stand at the back of the church smiling gently at anyone who tried to leave before Mass was over.