True Believer: A fabled portion of...Book of Mormon made a one-time believer of Christine Marie...

Salt Lake City Weekly ^ | Dec. 27, 2001 | Ben Fulton

[Elsie]

Frankly, I'm surprised FR allows such liberal and lascivious sources to be posted here.

IGNORE the CONTENT and KILL the MESSENGER!

[Elsie]

Frankly, I'm surprised FR allows such liberal and lascivious sources to be posted here.

 

 

2 Nephi 3:12 Wherefore, the fruit of thy loins write; and the fruit of thy loins of Judah shall write; and that which shall be written by the fruit of thy loins, and also that which shall be written by the fruit of thy loins of Judah, shall grow together,

2 Nephi 3:18 And the Lord said unto me also: I will raise up unto the fruit of thy loins; and I will make for him a spokesman. And I, behold, I will give unto him that he shall write the writing of the fruit of thy loins, unto the fruit of thy loins; and the spokesman of thy loins shall declare it.

Joseph Smith Translation Gen. 50: 27   Thus saith the Lord God of my fathers unto me, A choice seer will I raise up out of the fruit of thy loins, and he shall be esteemed highly among the fruit of thy loins; and unto him will I give commandment that he shall do a work for the fruit of thy loins, his brethren.

Joseph Smith Translation Gen. 50: 31    Wherefore the fruit of thy loins shall write, and the fruit of thy loins of Judah shall write; and that which shall be written by the fruit of thy loins, and also that which shall be written by the fruit of thy loins of Judah, shall grow together

 

Diaboli virtus in lumbis ist.          Diaboli virtus in lumbis ist.

[Elsie]

 

“On the 20th day of April, 2001, I, being incarcerated in the Salt Lake County Jail, was feeling somewhat depressed in spirit, and selfishly thought of myself and the miserable state in which—as I perceived it—I was presently in due to my circumstances,” one revelation read.

 

MORMONs should REALLY avoid jails!

---

---

JESUS: Hey Smith!  Remember that boast you made about doing more than even I had done to hold the 'church' together?

JOSEPH SMITH: Where am I?

JESUS: Don't you remember? A few seconds ago you were in that jail.

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh; yeah; but where am I NOW?

JESUS: Don't you remember? Does bang - bang ring a bell?

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh; yeah - that crummy gun I had was about USELESS!

JESUS: I hope you left instructions on how to hold your church together.

JOSEPH SMITH: Dang! I knew there was SOMETHING I was forgetting!

JESUS: Looks like there's a power struggle going on down there.

JOSEPH SMITH: Yeah; there was always SOMEone who wanted the power that I held - especially over the LADIES - wink wink.

JESUS: No need to worry about that now; remember what my friend Matthew wrote down?

JOSEPH SMITH: This? “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven” (Matthew 22:30)

JESUS: That's it.

JOSEPH SMITH: I thought that was mistranslated.

JESUS: Nah - it was right.

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh well; it was fun while it lasted. My buds will still get it on with the girls.

JESUS: Uh; I'm sorry; in just a few more years; your followers will cavein to the United States government and abandon the 'Eternal Covenant' that you came up with.

JOSEPH SMITH: ME!? YOU are the one that told me to do that!

JESUS: Sorry; but you must have mistranslated what I told you. What part of Do NOT commit ADULTERY did you not understand?

JOSEPH SMITH: mumble....

JESUS: What did you say?

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh, nothing.

JESUS: Well; it was interesting talking to you; but now I must get back to perparing a place for those who believe in Me.

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh, yeah; the Celestial Kingdom.

JESUS: No...

JOSEPH SMITH: The Telestial one?

JESUS: Nope.

JOSEPH SMITH: SUREly not the TERRESTRIAL one!!

JESUS: Nope. Didn't you read that the mind of man had NOT conceived of it? Paul wrote it down in 1 Corinthians 2:9.

JOSEPH SMITH: I thought that was mistranslated.

JESUS: No; it wasn't.

JOSEPH SMITH: You SURE?

JESUS: Yes. Now I must be going: what did you say your name was again?

JOSEPH SMITH: Joseph Smith.

JESUS: Hmmmm. According to my Heavenly FAITHbook, you didn't sign in as one of my friends - sorry, I never knew you.

JOSEPH SMITH: But....

 

[Elsie]

 

 

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[Godzilla]

You know rip, this is just poisoning of the well on your part. This dude has such touted mormon apologists as Peterson jumping and speaking up - so it isn’t an article or subject limited to a specific newspaper. Have you no better apologetic to offer? After all, you have the lost plates restored - rejoice.

[Elsie]

After all, you have the lost plates restored - rejoice.

You Hateful BIGOTS know that we MORMONs just HAVE to have things confirmed by WITNESSES!

Three - eight - whatever in the old days. 12 unanimous confirmers now - or 70; who really knows?

--MormonDude(No; it mattereth not that the witnesses stories keep changing; as we'll ALWAYS pick the one(s) that benefit the CHURCH!)

[Elsie]

bttt