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FLASH TRAFFIC INTERCEPT:

COMMUNICATION BETWEEN A FAITHFUL MORMON
FREEPER AND THE HIGH PROPHET OF MORMONISM:

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Dearest High Prophet Thomas S. Monson,

As a faithful Mormon who is extremely worthy,
wears the garment daily, if a full-tithe-payer
(on net, not gross, of course), and is honest
in all my dealings, I am deigning to approach
You, Your-Exalted-Highness-Who-Owns-Luxury-
Shopping-Malls to ask a small question.

I realize you have so many faithful, worthy
internet plants out here who are posting our
official links that address all things. My best
friend PD faithfully posts these official
links every day, numerous times.

And I hasten to add, Your Highness, that I’ve
read his official links. Repeatedly and faithfully.

Yet I still notice that our official links never get
around to actually answering any real questions. All
out team seems to do is “address” issues.

With great humility and worthiness, I submit that
perhaps, Dear Highness, we should actually post some
materials that answer the questions people are asking.

This would be a big help to those of us who are on
the front lines of FreeRepublic, a sorid, squalid
site, filled with people who won’t vote for our leading
star, Mitt RINOmney. Plus, they pick on us and ask
questions that are too hard to answer by ourselves!!!

I’m tiring (in a worthy way) of being unable to
answer these questions and having to post links to
the official sites.

For instance, Your-Highness-Who-Speaks-for-God-as
-Our-Living-Prophet, here’s some I can’t answer...

“How can God be omnipotent (having power over all
things completely) while we believe in more than
one God? How could Gods ALL have complete power over
each other?”

“How can God be without beginning or end when we
teach He used to be a man?”

“How can we be the restoration of the Church, when
everything unique about our teaching (polytheism,
polygamy, temple rituals, etc.) never existed in the
Church?”

“Why aren’t our Temple Rituals written down in our
sacred writings? Why are they exactly like the Masonic
rituals?”

Really, your Eminent-Prophet-Highness, I grow weary
of not being able to list any:

... objective facts
... objective evidence
... objective logical argument

ANYTHING OBJECTIVE! That would support all our claims.
Do we have anything??

Oh, I still have my burning bosomatic testimony. It’s
just that, well, they (Christians!) have the Bible,
archeology, dna, history, etc. that they can point to
to support what they teach. We don’t have ANY evidence
that is objective. I am spending all day trying to
explain the whole Jewish Indian thing and overcome
the contradictory DNA evidence.

Please respond. I’ve searched through PD’s spam links
repeatedly, but our official sources don’t say anything
about that kind of thing. They’re really just feel good
pablum.

Please don’t think me unworthy, Your Prophetness. In
fact, don’t think I am not filled with feelings, but
I am not going to use my real name, just in cast you
get enraged. I’ve read our officials refuse to answer
our questions, so I am writing to you. Please have
mercy on those of us who are stuck interacting and
trying to defend the sacred Mormonic Verses.

Worthily,
Joseph Smith, VIII
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