This is a good time to post Szonian's testimony.
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Ill do it openly as opposed to privately. Im not ashamed.
I expect there will be those who will look for fault or choose to attempt to draw a response out of me, but Im learning that the right decisions are more often than not the toughest.
I grew up in an agnostic home. My father was not a religious man by any stretch of the imagination. The only time I went to church was when my friends and I went together and that was only so I could hang out with them.
There was a mormon family in our very small town of about 1500. Good people, Maxine, the wife and mother was a phenomenal person and an even better cook. Her son Wade was one of my best friends even though he was a year older. Although I never understood why he couldnt hang out with us on Sundays. It was later that I learned that they went to church and then came home to a quiet day.
I enlisted when I was 19 and spent some time in the mid-Atlantic states. Transferred to Nevada in 88 and that is where I was introduced to my wife in 89. The night we met, she told me that she was a mormon and fully expected me to bail out. Truthfully, I didnt care at that time. Shes a beautiful gal. Inside and out. We married about 8 mos. later in a civil ceremony because I wasnt a mormon. For my wedding gift she gave me a quad, I gave her a new car. I deployed in August of 90 to the Gulf, 6 mos. after our wedding.
It was during this deployment that I began to search for some meaning in my life and to bring more to our relationship. I asked her to send me the quad so I could read what I thought was the Bible. It made it through U.S. customs and the Saudi religious police didnt find it. If they had, it wouldve been confiscated and destroyed as contraband. I recd a whole missionary packet, lots of pamphlets, study materials, etc. Not much of that stuff made much sense, but I pursued it out of a desire to learn. It sounded right, but that assessment is based on my utter ignorance of Biblical scripture.
Anyway, during the 8+ mos. I was deployed, I started receiving letters from members of her ward. Nice folks, offering words of thanks and encouragement, I dont recall any proselytizing (sp?). My wife would tell me how much they were supporting her and offering encouragement to her which made me feel reassured that folks were looking out for my wife while I was gone.
When I returned, I met the good folks from her ward and thanked them for their support for my wife while I was deployed. I continued my studies for awhile, attended services, etc. and then made the decision to take the lessons. It was pretty much a haze. I dont remember much of it today, but there were plenty of happy folks, my wife included after I was baptized.
We were transferred to South Carolina about a month later. I dove headlong into my callings first as the Primary teacher to the 11 year olds and 11 year old Scout leader and then as a Young Mens leader in the Deacons quorum and Asst. SM. My wife was placed in the Young Womens. After about 6 mos. we found that we were spending a lot of time apart in the performance of our callings. Me being gone at least one weekend a month for Scouts, on top of my constant 12-14 hr shifts 5-7 days a week at work with the occasional weekend duty thrown in didnt help things much.
We also found ourselves being used as the ward taxis because we had two vehicles and very few of the parents would take their kids to the Wednesday night meetings. So any chance of us being together on Wednesday nights was basically lost. We lived ~ 18 miles each way from the ward bldg. But keep in mind, country roads arent all that quick to get around on. It was easily 30+minutes each way, usually more.
We approached the bishopric asking for more help in our callings as we were starting to feel quite frazzled. Lessons to prepare for Sunday, talks to prepare for Sunday meetings, planning meetings for YW & YM meetings, Sunday presidency meetings, Scout meetings, Scout leadership meetings, Ward and General Conferences, splits with the missionaries, Fast Offering collections, etc. We were so busy that it was difficult to remember which day of the week it was. The help never materialized, we were told to pray for more strength in doing our callings. I was ordained an elder in the priesthood within a year of arriving in SC, and in the summer of 92 we were sealed in the Washington Temple, about a year later, ordained a melchizidek priesthood holder.
It was during this experience that I started to question what the church was really about. The ceremonies, (endowments, sealing) were quite unique. It was then that I started looking into the oaths and to see where I could find these ceremonies outlined in lds scripture. I was told that I was not to do that. The ceremonies were sacred and investigating further would only cause confusion.
I let it drop since my wife was not too happy with my attempts to investigate this. But a short while later, during priesthood sessions at sacrament meetings, I noticed that we skipped over D&C132. Curious as to why, I read it and then read the reference notes. This is when I realized that this wasnt right.
I asked the bishop about this and was told that the lord would reveal more to me when I was ready. Not knowing where else to turn for clarification, I let it drop, for a while.
We were transferred to CA in 94. Our son was born not long after our arrival. I attended sacrament meetings for a short while after our son was born and broached the question about D&C 132 to our new bishop. Basically the same reply. Why the refusal to answer the question? I thought.
It was shortly after, a few months if I recall, that I decided to stop attending services. I still attended some ward functions with my wife and son, but there was an almost closing of the door from the priesthood quorum. My wife told me later that she had met with the bishop and elders quorum president numerous times asking them for help. They didnt, which caused her a lot of grief.
I tried to explain things to her, but the hurt was palpable. Our relationship since hasnt been what one would describe as optimal, but weve managed to work through things. I even spent some time here on FR behaving just like the disruptors. Questioning their motives and purposes in defense of the oppressed and hated mormons.
It was during an exchange I had with colorcountry that I really started to read to comprehend what was being posted. I had posted a particularly nasty comment which to this day surprises me that it stayed on the thread that got us to chatting with one another. She was and is an extremely gracious individual. I truly believe it was because she openly declared her past as a TBM born into the church that gave me the confidence to step out of the shadows of denial.
I had denied numerous times that I had no dog in this fight, which later changed to admitting being married to a mormon. I then started to read more of what was posted and finally started researching the internet to find out more. The catalyst for my conversion from mormonism was on these very pages. I subsequently revealed that I was an apostate and that I realized that what I had been taught and learned during my active years as a mormon was false.
This is my witness to you. I was a faithful and active mormon for 6 years. Ordained to the melchizidek priesthood, sealed in the temple, our son born under the covenant, faithful tithe payer, temple recommend holder, obedient to the performance of my callings, etc.
I have since learned for myself that mormonism is untrue. Why do I say that I learned it for myself? Its because with the help of the numerous posters who expose the heresies and blasphemy of mormonism on these threads that I finally opened my eyes. They cant make you open your eyes, only steer you in the right direction. You have to make that decision on your own and then move forward with it.
God Bless
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Merry Christmas to all on this day of Mormon SMYTHmas
Amen............