>>I tried shouting Avada Kedavra at a very timid gerbil once and it didn’t even fart.<<
So are you a muggle or a squib?
Oh, I’m a muggle. Definitely.
I have some barmy relatives who think I’ve got the Second Sight, but I think it’s just my lazy eye + squint: Mad Eye Mally, that’s me. I’d make the world’s worst used car salesman, with one eye on the customer and the other zig-zagging around like Sauron frantically scanning the Plains of Gorgoroth for any sign of Trading Standards.
It’s my in-laws you have to worry about. I think my mother-in-law is a Dementor. She sucks the life out of the living room whenever she comes to visit. My eldest son dreads “The Dementor’s Kiss”...
“TROLL IN THE DUNGEON! Thought you’d like to know!” is being saved for when the father-in-law finally decides to have a look at the dry wall in the basement.
I might have to sleep on the sofa, but it’ll be worth it.