Greek Church takes on 'antichrist' in ID card row

Senior clerics in Greece have told the state in no uncertain terms that vigilance is required to prevent the antichrist from making a manifestation on new ID cards to be issued next year.

The authorities must ensure that the cards contain no mention of the number 666, which in Greek Orthodox tradition is associated with the antichrist, the Church of Greece said in a statement.

"In no way should the 'citizen card' contain the number 666, either in visible or invisible manner," the Holy Synod, governing council of the Church of Greece, said after a meeting between canon scholars, legal experts, computer specialists and government officials.

Frequently criticised as backward and superstitious by liberal circles, Orthodox custodians strongly adhere to tradition surrounding the number 666, which appears in the biblical Book of Revelation, believed to have been written by the Apostle John in the first century AD.

Also known as the figure of the Beast, the number has led ultra orthodox clerics to oppose the use of bar codes on goods, as well as electronic checks carried out under the border-free Schengen Area of which Greece is a member.

A decade ago, the Church of Greece had fought tooth and nail to prevent the removal of religious affiliation from the previous batch of identity cards issued to Greeks, even organising a referendum on the issue.

At the time, religious minorities such as Catholics and Jews had successfully argued that the inclusion of faith on the cards could expose the bearer to discrimination.

[Extreme sarcasm] Now, now . . . Sophisticated Orthodox, in Greece of all places, shouldn't be acting like a bunch of trailer park dwelling neanderthals who believe that G-d literally created the Universe. That's not who we are! What's next? Greek-Americans voting Republican???

This is obviously a foreign adulteration caught from those unclean, inferior American chr*stians who are basically non-chr*stians who don't realize it. What a curse upon the world America is, with all its militarism, its illiterate yokel Protestants, and its heretical Zionism! We'd all be better off if America had never been founded.

All Orthodox chr*stians should recall that, unlike the subhuman backwoods bozarts of America, they are all, to a one, Profound Intellectuals with IQ's into the millions (they're Greeks, after all!) and a sterling record of supporting evolution, higher criticism, and transgenderism for two thousand solid years. Leave this silly "second advent" stuff to America's trailer parks where it belongs. [/Extreme sarcasm].

Senior clerics in Greece have told the state in no uncertain terms that vigilance is required to prevent the antichrist from making a manifestation on new ID cards to be issued next year.

DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT THE NEW ANTICHRIST DETECTOR!
New Antichrist detector will keep you safe for just 3 EZ payments of $19.95, say Japanese inventors

TOKYO - Scientists have invented a nifty new handheld device that promises to take the guesswork out of identifying the Antichrist!

The Antichrist Detector, as the high-tech gadget is called, can pinpoint evil Satan's earthly incarnation at up to 600 yards, according to the manufacturer, Sapporo Industries.

"The Antichrist may be the master of deception, but no matter what guise he chooses to adopt, this device will nail him instantly," says chief designer Dr. Noburu Kanazawa.

With world events spiraling out of control and corresponding to signs of the End Times foretold in the Holy Bible, more religious scholars than ever are now firmly convinced that the Apocalypse is just around the corner.

And they believe that in keeping with biblical prophecy, the Antichrist will soon attempt to seize power worldwide.

But fingering the master of disaster will be a cinch using the device, which employs an array of super-sensitive sensors to pick up what the inventors call "demonic energy."

"Our device is designed to pick up unusual wavelengths that would be inconsistent with an ordinary human being," Dr. Kanazawa explained.

"It is constantly monitoring the entire spectrum, from the most obscure microwave frequencies to cosmic radiation."

When the gizmo recognizes that Antichrist is in close proximity, an LED flashes a red warning light and an arrow points to the direction where he - or she - is standing.

Sapporo Industries says it will begin a massive marketing blitz in the United States by Thanksgiving, offering the detectors to all comers for three payments of $19.95 via TV infomercials.

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