Look Before You Leap: The Dangers of Ward Hopping [Mormon Open]

Mormon Times ^ | 04 Feb 2010 | Molly Farmer

[T Minus Four]

So, young single adults ... have you ever been in a ward you didn't like? The chemistry was off? Didn't connect with your quorum? Not enough hotties? Too few mingles?

Well, what did you do about it?

If your answer is, "I served others, fulfilled my calling, loved the congregation and tried harder," then kudos. Good work.

If your answer is, "I up and left," then you're a ward hopper and we need to talk.

The costs of jumping ship

It may seem like a small thing to go to a fresh ward each Sunday — after all, you're still going to church. But Charles Schwab, who was recently released from his position as a young single adult ward bishop in Salt Lake City, says that if everyone gave each ward in their area a trial run, the church couldn't function, and lives couldn't be blessed.

"What would happen if everybody had to be in the 'top' ward?" Schwab asked. "Then what happens to all the other wards?"

The fact is that members can't fully participate in the edifying experience that is church membership if they don't regularly attend the ward to which they're assigned, he said, and they can't serve others or be served.

"If I don't have their church membership, then they don't get a calling. So they miss out on the whole sanctifying experience," said Schwab, who teaches institute at the University of Utah. "They can't pay their tithing to me. ... They can't come in for an interview. They can't go through the repentance process. I can't give them a temple recommend."

[T Minus Four]

"If I don't have their church membership, then they don't get a calling. So they miss out on the whole sanctifying experience

They can't pay their tithing to me. ... They can't come in for an interview. They can't go through the repentance process.

I can't give them a temple recommend."

[wheatmiller]

I can tithe just fine to my Lord and Savior without having to pay directly to a “bishop”...

[ConservativeMind]

I’m not Mormon, but I can attest to what happens when a single guy doesn’t find “the right one” at his church, while being very active there. You never get to other churches to find a decent Christian girl who is still single because you don’t find such a person at the church you are so active at.

I loved my church involvement and I grew through it, but honestly, the idea that one should stay at the place they were before simply because it’s good to “grow yourself” where you are, is wrong.

I fervently believe the person suggesting singles “stay behind” is married and has therefore hasn’t a clue what he is saying.

I’m now married to a great Christian lady, but I had to go elsewhere to find her.

[T Minus Four]

The LDS draw physical bounaries and you are compelled to attend that “ward” (neighborhood church).

They can change the boundaries at will and you must change when they say change, even if you are satisfied and have roots.

“Growing yourself” is a very different thing for the LDS than for Christians. The “no temple recommend” is incredibly serious and will have enormous impact on your afterlife.

[SZonian]

Wow, nothing like laying the guilt trip on thick here.

“Just forget about your personal happiness or spiritual needs, the collective is your priority.”

In my experience, the “permanent” assignment of wards through ward boundaries is one aspect of the control the LdS maintain over their membership and many “happily” accept it. And the article goes to some length in affirming that.

I’ve discussed this ward boundary thing before.

But telling a young single adult to forego their search for marital happiness or find a “spiritual home” and focus on the needs of the ward first and foremost is incredulous.

Not surprising in the least considering that amount of control the individuals allow the church to maintain over them through policies such as the “ward boundary”.

[Godzilla]

Placemark

[CalvaryJohn]

On the subject of church hopping (Mormon or otherwise): Some people never settle down in one place. They are forever dissatisfied and always finding fault with the place they are attending. It probably extends to other areas of life, as well.
As to spouse shopping: some may find it wrong, but I figure if you’re not out to just get laid, but find someone to marry, then you’re probably doing OK by everyone, including the Lord.

[T Minus Four]

But...but...how can lives be blessed? /sarc

[T Minus Four]

There were times when Bishop Schwab would notice an unfamiliar person enter the chapel during sacrament meeting and look around the entire meeting, not listening to the messages, but rather scoping out everyone in the ward.

Afterward, he or one of his counselors would ask the visitor if he or she planned on moving in. When the answer was a predictable 'I'm not sure,' Bishop Schwab would ask him or her to leave, which was always followed by defensiveness.

"If they're mad at you for enforcing the rules, you know where their heart is," he said.

Can you even IMAGINE this happening in a Christian Church?

[T Minus Four]

Some people never settle down in one place

Although unfortunate, that should be an individual choice. These people are being told their heavenly destination depends upon staying in their assigned church.

[PapaBear3625]

It would seem that there would be a desire for multi-ward, or inter-ward young people's get-togethers, so that young folk can meet other young people independently of thier particular ward.

What do you think would be the attitude of the various ward leaders toward that?

[aMorePerfectUnion]

How to leave the Mormon Church Gracefully...

1. Write out a list of reasons why you are leaving the church, sometimes it helps to have something solid to look at when Mormon family and friends try to convince you otherwise of your decisions.
2. Do some research on the actual doctrines and practices of the Church over time. Many people find it is much easier to leave the church once they come to a solid decision. Ask your Bishop for help in making a final decision. He should be grateful to help and hopefully realize that it's a private matter and will keep everything confidential.
3. Many ex-Mormons and people considering leaving the church find it helpful to seek out and talk to or read blogs and articles by others who have left the church. Doing so is a good way to expand your understanding of the church and strengthen your resolve. There are many websites, archives, and blogs on the internet which you can turn to to find a diverse and supportive community of people willing to help you make the transition out of the church.
4. It's usually not particularly effective to attempt to explain to Mormons why you are leaving, so attempting to help them understand your reasons is likely to only result in frustration and increased friction with the Mormons who remain in your life. Faith does not rely on facts, so presenting evidence to people determined to believe is generally a waste of time and energy.
5. Stop going to church and activities. When invited by members to attend, decline politely. If they insist, tell them you'll think about it, and then give it some actual thought. But always remain true to yourself.
6. Tell those who ask about you that you appreciate their concern and that you are searching your heart to make decisions that are right for you. Be friendly, but politely and assertively tell them that you will no longer be attending church activities or functions.
7. Find something to do that makes you feel good on days you would normally go to church/institute/activities. Talk to people about your feelings if you're feeling guilty/upset. Ask yourself why you feel that way.
8. If you're certain that you'll never want to re-join the Church, write a letter to the Bishop and request to have your name removed from church records. The Bishop will most likely want to follow up with you to confirm your decision. Don't just blow him off. Go ahead and talk to him and affirm your decision. This is the fastest way to get your name removed.

[aMorePerfectUnion]

http://www.wikihow.com/Leave-the-Mormon-Church-Gracefully

[SZonian]

Some locations have enough participation/membership to create a “singles ward”, others don’t.

That being said, I’ve heard of dances, activities, etc. taking place for folks to interact that are “sanctioned” by the stake the wards are in.

But, the ward boundary is designed in such a way to mandate/dictate compulsory attendance in a certain location.

So if Molly mormon wants to visit with Levi mormon, it needs to be an irregular practice so as not to raise suspicion about their non-attendance or their attendance at their respective wards.

As an ex-mo, I’m quite familiar with many of the practices, but the point of this article has taken it to a whole new level for me. I’ve not heard of a bishop confronting a “visitor” and then telling them to leave.

[SZonian]

The last sentence should read:

"I've not heard of a bishop confronting a "visitor" who is a member and then telling them to leave under the circumstances described in this article"

[svxdave]

I just clicked on the Mormon Times Link and then looked at the whole website. Neat stuff here. Check out: http://www.mormontimes.com/

With such good stuff there in the articles, it seems a little strange that someone would publish for FR readers just the one article that the Mormon Haters could jump on to get Mormons to leave their faith.

[SZonian]

I appreciate the link, however, it’s lost on me.

As an ex-mo currently married to an active mormon, we get the MT delivered. I read through it once in a while.

Sure, it’s neat, sure they use a lot of the same words Christians do, but the words have significantly different meanings between mormonism and Christianity.

I guess I could be classified as a “mormon hater” since I do post against the religion that is mormonISM if that is how you choose to identify folks.

What is being discussed is the level of control that mormons are subjected to in practicing their faith. I find the fact that a mormon is highly discouraged to the point of being disciplined for “ward hopping” or denied a temple recommend because they are looking for a place to fit in or a mate to be highly troublesome.

Granted, it is their choice to subjugate themselves, but it is hoped that any who are lurking or perform a google or web search for information on mormonISM will get these posts as results in their searches and get alternate viewpoints, not just an apologist’s pov.

I’ve written about this subject previously and the negative impact it has had on my wife and son who attend LdS services.

[T Minus Four]

What do you think would be the attitude of the various ward leaders toward that?

I couldn't even begin to tell you. I'm a Christian. I'm free to worship where I please, where the Lord leads me.

[T Minus Four]

"I've not heard of a bishop confronting a "visitor" who is a member and then telling them to leave under the circumstances described in this article"

That torqued my jaw too. You'll find a much different attitude "on the outside". Or should I say "on the inside" :-)