I realized that I should have gone for a Ph.D. in vanity. I could have challenged all but the language requirements, and my life would serve as dissertation. I am FAR too concerned about what other people think of me, what I look like, how I act, etc.
Maybe part of this could be excused by — or baptized into — prudence. I know that most teaching and some kinds of preaching include a kind of a sales job — “Hi! I'm an interesting and amusing person; you want to hear what I'm saying.” But more likely that's just God doing His ‘alchemy’ and turning my vain and histrionic evil into His evangelical good: My fear of disapproval (or whatever) leads me to adjust and time my presentation for maximum effect. God graciously blesses my words (or, at least, that's my assumption) and uses them to help others.
In a way, I'm okay with that. The “mission,” after all, is to spread the Word, the Good News of God's Love in Christ.
But, with Paul, I have a legitimate concern that, having brought (as is my hope and prayer) many to the Gospel, I not end up losing out myself.
So maybe here's a chunk o’ Gospel: God has made good works for us to walk in. We, of ourselves, or not worthy to walk in them, but shall we deny the gift the Lord of all gives? Not me!
And yet, to walk is good for one. The first year I walked in the MS 50k walk, I trained by walking 300+ miles. I started weak, and I have lately become asthmatic. But by the end of the summer, BP was down, pulse was down, endurance was up, spirits were good.
So, while we can and should (at least on this thread) put away contention about justification and sanctification and merit and the rest of the bazz fazz, may we not hope, ought we not to hope, that as God leads us along the paths he has set before us, we will somehow become stronger in HIS strength, and when we reach the end of the Way, we will find that, by His Grace, both End and Way were nothing other than the Love of God in Christ Jesus, the strength was His gift, and the Joy is He, and He alone.
Allow me to inflict upon you a prayer I wrote for and offered to the very religiously diverse group who walked the 50k walk a few years ago:
(extra points if you can ID the text which inspired the prayer.)
High, Mighty, and Holy God:
We thank you
for this wonderful day,
for the great task you have set before us,
and for the people who have worked and given to bring us here.
But how shall we, who are so different, pray to you?
What shall we call you?
We call you High,
But we have seen you here in the faces of those whose work and gifts have brought us here today.
And we have heard your Word of Love in the letters, the e-mails, the pledges sent to us.
We call you Mighty,
But we meet you in the people whom we seek to serve;
We hear your voice when they ask for help – or suffer silently.
We call you Holy
And you know, Oh Holy One, that we are not so very holy, not often anyway.
And yet you are with us, and have shared your holy work with us
And have given us the holy work of caring for one another
And of needing one another.
And for what shall we pray?
Just this, O Holy one:
That when we are weak and weary
we will know your strength and power,
That when we are sad and hopeless
we will see you in your Joy and Gladness,
That when all seems dark
we will see your Light,
That when we are lost
You will lead us in your Way
The way that leads
through death to Life,
through sorrow to Joy
through work and weariness to your rest.