Posted on 09/22/2009 7:29:33 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
Years ago, a family therapist was asked, “What are the top three causes of divorce?” to which he replied, “Selfishness, selfishness, selfishness!” Of course this is an oversimplification of the varied and many contributing factors to divorce but there is an element of truth in this statement that permeates each.
At the core of all that ails the human race is selfishness: this innate love of self-self-worship-or pride. We alienate ourselves from one another when we elevate our desires, our opinions, and our feelings above others. We cheat and steal because we want, we lie and deceive because we give priority to our self-interests, we murder-in actuality or with words-because our puny sense of supremacy is threatened. This is the very sin that separates us from God: our love of self over and against the Father. In short, we are deplorably selfish beings consumed with satisfying our own appetites and desires, often without regard for anyone else.
This is the dreadful state in which the Lord finds us-and despite our active resistance to his rightful rule in our hearts, our thoughts, and actions, he lovingly subdues our rebellious pride with his grace and mercy. He saves us from eternal alienation that our stubborn resistance brings! The old man, so infatuated with himself, is crucified and buried with Christ; we are raised to a new life in Christ (see Romans 6:4). However, this new life doesn’t just happen. Our will, which was once in bondage to sin, has been freed to pursue godliness in obedience to Christ through faith. Paul, writing to the church at Ephesus, tells us that we are to be taught to cast away our “old self” and “to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:22–24, NIV). C. S. Lewis summed it up in saying, “To become new men means losing what we now call ourselves” (Mere Christianity).
The clearest clue to what this new self looks like is given in Paul’s letter to the Philippians when he writes, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness” (Philippians 2:5–7, NIV). This is a radical departure from our selfish nature into one that denies self even in the face of offense. This same nature is, of course, the foundation for marriage-but also all relationships.
In Ephesians, Paul lays out the foundation of marriage as being rooted in a mutual love and submission, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord” and “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:22, 25, NIV). Notice also that Paul begins this chapter with the charge to “Be imitators of God,” another reference to the disposition described in Philippians chapter two. Later in his letter to the Ephesians, Paul compares this joining of two people into “one flesh” to that of Christ and his bride, the church (see Ephesians 5:32). Thus marriage-this “profound mystery,” according to Paul-transcends anything resembling a mere contractual obligation. Nor is marriage simply a self-serving means to personal happiness; Christian couples should strive for and display this self-denying disposition.
Another aspect that should govern Christian marriage is the doctrine of God’s sovereignty.
Do we believe that when we suffer, we suffer outside the will of God, or do we believe that God allows suffering to enter our lives for his good purpose? Isn’t there the expectation that we, too, will share in the sufferings of Christ, that “we must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God” (Acts 14:22, NKJV)? While we do not eagerly seek to suffer, don’t we believe that suffering bears sweet fruit nourished by bitter tears and that such fruit is nothing less than holy character (see Romans 5:2–4)? If we believe that God in his providence causes everything to “work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose”(Romans 8:28, NLT), then wouldn’t it be reasonable to conclude that such suffering may also come in the form of a troubled marriage?
That being the case, wouldn’t we be expected to persevere rather than seek escape, trusting God for both endurance and the outcome? It is here-in the domain of our so-called domestic happiness-that we may be tempted to draw a boundary, saying, in essence, “Lord, you may come this far but no farther.” It is often in this context that the old self returns in an effort to assert his rights: “I need, I want, I deserve!” However, the Christian is compelled to lay down these rights and instead trust in God, believing that his grace is indeed sufficient in all things including an oppressive and loveless marriage. It is here that the Christian patiently endures, trusting the Lord for the grace to do so, and hopes for a future where God may be pleased to set things right.
Please do not think I am suggesting that the person suffering physical abuse remain in a situation whereby he or she is subjected to physical harm. I am not! However, that is a topic for another time, as I am presently addressing divorce for no other reason than the failure to achieve personal “happiness.” This is where we Christians either begin to differ from the world or remain worldly. The Christian life does not culminate in a quest to be happy but to be holy!
If our attitude is to be the same as that of Christ Jesus, then consider how Jesus responds to his frequently unfaithful bride, the church. Every one of us has, at some point, been unfaithful to Christ; we have wantonly rebelled against him, we have been indifferent, even abusive in our disregard toward him. We have all failed to love him at times and we constantly put our needs ahead of his. And yet Jesus never says to us, “That’s it, I’ve had it! I will not take this abuse anymore; you are selfish and uncaring; you don’t love me or make me feel special, so I am out of here!” Can you imagine these words coming out of the Savior’s mouth? Never!
So it is to be with us. For those poor souls who walk in darkness, there is no chance of assuming the self-denying character of Christ; but for those whom Christ has made alive, there is the all-sufficient well of grace. It is to Christ that the Christ-follower must go with his “irreconcilable differences,” not to the courts. It is only Christ who reconciles the unrighteous with the righteous and it is Christ that can reconcile husband and wife.
The question for the church is this: Will we truly trust him in all things, including while we suffer marital maelstroms? Will we follow Christ when it is most difficult? If we won’t, then not only will we fail in our witness, we will never know the freedom of living by faith. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________
S. Michael Craven is the President of the Center for Christ & Culture. Michael is the author of Uncompromised Faith: Overcoming Our Culturalized Christianity (Navpress). Michael's ministry is dedicated to renewal within the Church and works to equip Christians with an intelligent and thoroughly Christian approach to matters of culture in order to demonstrate the relevance of Christianity to all of life. For more information on the Center for Christ & Culture, visit: www.battlefortruth.org. Michael lives in the Dallas area with his wife Carol and their three children.
You will lose this one big time. Go back even to the beginning. The real reason for the fall of man was not only because of disobedience, but the selfish and self-centered desire to “be like God”. Remember the admonition of Paul in Romans 12:1- “ Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.” And of course, “God’s act of mercy” was the ultimate act of self-denial when Christ, blamesless in all respects, offered himself up as an atoning sacrifice for our sins on the cross. In fact the whole Bible is about the self-centeredness of man being the primary sin separating us from God, and his call for our self-denial to acknowledge him as God and denial of ourselves in the treatment of other people.
Losing the self is far worse. The best marriages are two selfish people. The worst — a selfish and a selfless. The muddle through is two selfless.
YOu are correct about the worst, but you have the other two reversed . . . IMHO
–adjective
1. devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2. characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.
Origin:
1630–40; self + -ish 1
Related forms:
self⋅ish⋅ly, adverb
self⋅ish⋅ness, noun
Synonyms:
1. self-interested, self-seeking, egoistic; illiberal, parsimonious, stingy.
read
Webster 1928:
SELF’ISH, a. Regarding one’s own interest chiefly or soley; influenced in actions by a view to private advantage.
http://1828.mshaffer.com/d/word/selfish
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In a marriage two become one. The interest of the self is also the interest of the spouse. That is also a needed form of selfishness. But the first and primary form — looking out for the best interest of one’s own self — is what is missing in failed marriages, imo.
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Did you know that many modern couples and marriage counselors and theories are socialistic tripe? They all have some things that work, the truth that saves a lie, so to say. Now stop being little marxists.
So be tired. The 1611 has more tools that work with it than any other version.
God has seen fit that it is still with us.
I suppose you shall simply have to remain tired uf us.
“Ah yes, the old assumption that because there are so many “opinions”, there must be no objective truth that men with honest hearts and average intellect can understand alike. But why would anyone honestly think that the Creator of the universe, our Maker, cannot communicate clearly with us, or that He would send His own Son to be tortured to death for our rebellion...only to leave behind a muddled, subjective, and incomprehensible message of salvation?”
Matthew 16:15-17 He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter replied, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” And Jesus answered him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven.
1 Corinthians 1:18 For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
1 Corinthians 2:14 The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and his is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.
Matthew 11:25-27 At that time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will. All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.”
John 8:47 “Whoever is of God hears the words of God. The reason why you do not hear them is that you are not of God.”
“The plain language of the Scriptures teaches that understanding and accepting the Truth depends entirely on an “HONEST HEART”— that’s what the Parable of the Soils in Luke 8 is all about!”
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?
Romans 3:10-11 None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.
You haven’t understood the verses I sent you.
>“I have come to change the Law” Jesus.<
Do you have a citation for that quote? My Bible says he came to fulfill the Law.
No, they make it easier for lazy minds to READ the Bible.
Very very impotant benchmarks and key words have been changed purpously in the “new” versions.
Don’t get mad at me for loving my fellow Christians...I give fair warning.
Well now, Jeremiah 3:8 And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.
So since God is a divorcee, and He did tell us why He divorced Israel, the question would then need be what does it mean to be a jerk?
Not anymore, He's not.
Suit yourself, but the wedding hasn’t taken place, yet.
Unless you were at one the Bible didn’t tell me about.
Isaiah 53 is the Cross. Who is the Barren Woman in Isaiah 54?
Dost thou forget the Law?
Even divorced, the wife remains married, but I care not to argue with fellow Christians, we will have an eternity to discuss these things, and I do not feel like teaching ordinances today.
I am just glad the two of us will always have time for discussion, for there shall be time no longer.
We will say today that you are right.
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