Alma - Chapter 5

http://scriptures.lds.org/en/alma/5 ^ | Alma

[Grig]

Alma
Chapter 5

To gain salvation, men must repent and keep the commandments, be born again, cleanse their garments through the blood of Christ, be humble and strip themselves from pride and envy, and do the works of righteousness—The Good Shepherd calleth his people—Those who do evil works are children of the devil—Alma testifies of the truth of his doctrine and commands men to repent—Names of the righteous shall be written in the book of life. About 83 B.C.

  1 Now it came to pass that *Alma began to ^adeliver the word of ^bGod unto the people, first in the land of Zarahemla, and from thence throughout all the land.

  2 And these are the words which he spake to the people in the church which was established in the city of Zarahemla, according to his own record, saying:

  3 I, Alma, having been ^aconsecrated by my father, Alma, to be a ^bhigh priest over the church of God, he having power and ^cauthority from God to do these things, behold, I say unto you that he began to establish a church in the ^dland which was in the borders of Nephi; yea, the land which was called the land of Mormon; yea, and he did baptize his brethren in the waters of Mormon.

  4 And behold, I say unto you, they were ^adelivered out of the hands of the people of king Noah, by the mercy and power of God.

  5 And behold, after that, they were brought into ^abondage by the hands of the Lamanites in the wilderness; yea, I say unto you, they were in captivity, and again the Lord did deliver them out of ^bbondage by the power of his word; and we were brought into this land, and here we began to establish the church of God throughout this land also.

  6 And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, you that belong to this church, have you sufficiently retained in ^aremembrance the captivity of your fathers? Yea, and have you sufficiently retained in remembrance his mercy and long-suffering towards them? And moreover, have ye sufficiently retained in remembrance that he has ^bdelivered their souls from hell?

  7 Behold, he changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God. Behold, they were in the midst of darkness; nevertheless, their souls were illuminated by the light of the everlasting word; yea, they were encircled about by the ^abands of death, and the ^bchains of hell, and an everlasting destruction did await them.

  8 And now I ask of you, my brethren, were they destroyed? Behold, I say unto you, Nay, they were not.

  9 And again I ask, were the bands of death broken, and the ^achains of hell which encircled them about, were they loosed? I say unto you, Yea, they were loosed, and their souls did expand, and they did ^bsing redeeming love. And I say unto you that they are saved.

  10 And now I ask of you on what conditions are they ^asaved? Yea, what grounds had they to hope for salvation? What is the cause of their being loosed from the bands of death, yea, and also the chains of hell?

  11 Behold, I can tell you—did not my father Alma believe in the words which were delivered by the ^amouth of Abinadi? And was he not a holy prophet? Did he not speak the words of God, and my father Alma believe them?

  12 And according to his faith there was a mighty ^achange wrought in his heart. Behold I say unto you that this is all true.

  13 And behold, he ^apreached the word unto your fathers, and a mighty change was also wrought in their hearts, and they humbled themselves and put their ^btrust in the true and ^cliving God. And behold, they were faithful until the ^dend; therefore they were saved.

  14 And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye ^aspiritually been ^bborn of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty ^cchange in your hearts?

  15 Do ye exercise faith in the redemption of him who ^acreated you? Do you look forward with an eye of faith, and view this mortal body raised in immortality, and this corruption ^braised in incorruption, to stand before God to be ^cjudged according to the deeds which have been done in the mortal body?

  16 I say unto you, can you imagine to yourselves that ye hear the voice of the Lord, saying unto you, in that day: Come unto me ye ^ablessed, for behold, your works have been the works of righteousness upon the face of the earth?

  17 Or do ye ^aimagine to yourselves that ye can lie unto the Lord in that day, and ^bsay—Lord, our works have been righteous works upon the face of the earth—and that he will save you?

  18 Or otherwise, can ye imagine yourselves brought before the tribunal of God with your souls filled with guilt and remorse, having a remembrance of all your guilt, yea, a perfect ^aremembrance of all your wickedness, yea, a remembrance that ye have set at defiance the commandments of God?

  19 I say unto you, can ye look up to God at that day with a pure heart and clean hands? I say unto you, can you look up, having the ^aimage of God engraven upon your countenances?

  20 I say unto you, can ye think of being saved when you have yielded yourselves to become ^asubjects to the devil?

  21 I say unto you, ye will know at that day that ye cannot be ^asaved; for there can no man be saved except his ^bgarments are washed white; yea, his garments must be ^cpurified until they are cleansed from all stain, through the blood of him of whom it has been spoken by our fathers, who should come to redeem his people from their sins.

  22 And now I ask of you, my brethren, how will any of you feel, if ye shall stand before the bar of God, having your garments stained with ^ablood and all manner of ^bfilthiness? Behold, what will these things testify against you?

  23 Behold will they not ^atestify that ye are murderers, yea, and also that ye are ^bguilty of all manner of wickedness?

  24 Behold, my brethren, do ye suppose that such an one can have a place to sit down in the kingdom of God, with ^aAbraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob, and also all the holy prophets, whose garments are cleansed and are spotless, pure and white?

  25 I say unto you, Nay; except ye make our Creator a liar from the beginning, or suppose that he is a liar from the beginning, ye cannot suppose that such can have place in the kingdom of heaven; but they shall be cast out for they are the ^achildren of the kingdom of the devil.

  26 And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a ^achange of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the ^bsong of redeeming love, I would ask, ^ccan ye feel so now?

  27 Have ye walked, keeping yourselves ^ablameless before God? Could ye say, if ye were called to die at this time, within yourselves, that ye have been sufficiently ^bhumble? That your garments have been ^ccleansed and made white through the blood of Christ, who will come to ^dredeem his people from their sins?

  28 Behold, are ye stripped of ^apride? I say unto you, if ye are not ye are not prepared to meet God. Behold ye must prepare quickly; for the kingdom of heaven is soon at hand, and such an one hath not eternal life.

  29 Behold, I say, is there one among you who is not stripped of ^aenvy? I say unto you that such an one is not prepared; and I would that he should prepare ^bquickly, for the hour is close at hand, and he knoweth not when the time shall come; for such an one is not found guiltless.

  30 And again I say unto you, is there one among you that doth make a ^amock of his brother, or that heapeth upon him persecutions?

  31 Wo unto such an one, for he is not prepared, and the ^atime is at hand that he must repent or he cannot be saved!

  32 Yea, even wo unto all ye ^aworkers of iniquity; repent, repent, for the Lord God hath spoken it!

  33 Behold, he sendeth an invitation unto ^aall men, for the ^barms of mercy are extended towards them, and he saith: Repent, and I will receive you.

  34 Yea, he saith: ^aCome unto me and ye shall partake of the ^bfruit of the tree of life; yea, ye shall eat and drink of the ^cbread and the waters of life ^dfreely;

  35 Yea, come unto me and bring forth works of righteousness, and ye shall not be hewn down and cast into the fire—

  36 For behold, the time is at hand that whosoever ^abringeth forth not good fruit, or whosoever doeth not the works of righteousness, the same have cause to wail and mourn.

  37 O ye workers of iniquity; ye that are ^apuffed up in the vain things of the world, ye that have professed to have known the ways of righteousness nevertheless have gone ^bastray, as ^csheep having no ^dshepherd, notwithstanding a shepherd hath ^ecalled after you and is still calling after you, but ye will not ^fhearken unto his voice!

  38 Behold, I say unto you, that the good ^ashepherd doth call you; yea, and in his own name he doth call you, which is the name of Christ; and if ye will not ^bhearken unto the voice of the ^cgood shepherd, to the ^dname by which ye are called, behold, ye are not the sheep of the good shepherd.

  39 And now if ye are not the ^asheep of the good shepherd, of what fold are ye? Behold, I say unto you, that the ^bdevil is your shepherd, and ye are of his fold; and now, who can deny this? Behold, I say unto you, whosoever denieth this is a ^cliar and a ^dchild of the devil.

  40 For I say unto you that whatsoever is ^agood cometh from God, and whatsoever is ^bevil cometh from the devil.

  41 Therefore, if a man bringeth forth ^agood works he hearkeneth unto the voice of the good shepherd, and he doth follow him; but whosoever bringeth forth evil works, the same becometh a ^bchild of the devil, for he hearkeneth unto his voice, and doth follow him.

  42 And whosoever doeth this must receive his ^awages of him; therefore, for his ^bwages he receiveth ^cdeath, as to things pertaining unto righteousness, being dead unto all good works.

  43 And now, my brethren, I would that ye should hear me, for I speak in the ^aenergy of my soul; for behold, I have spoken unto you plainly that ye cannot err, or have spoken according to the commandments of God.

  44 For I am called to speak after this manner, according to the ^aholy order of God, which is in Christ Jesus; yea, I am commanded to stand and testify unto this people the things which have been spoken by our fathers concerning the things which are to come.

  45 And this is not all. Do ye not suppose that I ^aknow of these things myself? Behold, I testify unto you that I do know that these things whereof I have spoken are true. And how do ye suppose that I know of their surety?

  46 Behold, I say unto you they are made ^aknown unto me by the Holy Spirit of God. Behold, I have ^bfasted and prayed many days that I might know these things of myself. And now I do know of myself that they are true; for the Lord God hath made them manifest unto me by his Holy Spirit; and this is the spirit of ^crevelation which is in me.

  47 And moreover, I say unto you that it has thus been revealed unto me, that the words which have been spoken by our fathers are true, even so according to the spirit of prophecy which is in me, which is also by the manifestation of the Spirit of God.

  48 I say unto you, that I know of myself that whatsoever I shall say unto you, concerning that which is to come, is true; and I say unto you, that I know that Jesus Christ shall come, yea, the Son, the Only Begotten of the Father, full of grace, and mercy, and truth. And behold, it is he that cometh to take away the sins of the world, yea, the sins of every man who steadfastly believeth on his name.

  49 And now I say unto you that this is the ^aorder after which I am called, yea, to preach unto my beloved brethren, yea, and every one that dwelleth in the land; yea, to preach unto all, both old and young, both bond and free; yea, I say unto you the aged, and also the middle aged, and the rising generation; yea, to cry unto them that they must repent and be ^bborn again.

  50 Yea, thus saith the Spirit: Repent, all ye ends of the earth, for the kingdom of heaven is soon at hand; yea, the Son of God cometh in his ^aglory, in his might, majesty, power, and dominion. Yea, my beloved brethren, I say unto you, that the Spirit saith: Behold the glory of the ^bKing of all the earth; and also the King of heaven shall very soon shine forth among all the children of men.

  51 And also the Spirit saith unto me, yea, crieth unto me with a mighty voice, saying: Go forth and say unto this people—Repent, for except ye repent ye can in nowise inherit the ^akingdom of ^bheaven.

  52 And again I say unto you, the Spirit saith: Behold, the ^aax is laid at the root of the tree; therefore every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit shall be ^bhewn down and cast into the fire, yea, a fire which cannot be consumed, even an unquenchable fire. Behold, and remember, the Holy One hath spoken it.

  53 And now my beloved brethren, I say unto you, can ye withstand these sayings; yea, can ye lay aside these things, and ^atrample the Holy One under your feet; yea, can ye be ^bpuffed up in the pride of your hearts; yea, will ye still persist in the wearing of ^ccostly apparel and setting your hearts upon the vain things of the world, upon your ^driches?

  54 Yea, will ye persist in supposing that ye are better one than another; yea, will ye persist in the persecution of your brethren, who humble themselves and do walk after the holy order of God, wherewith they have been brought into this church, having been ^asanctified by the Holy Spirit, and they do bring forth works which are meet for repentance—

  55 Yea, and will you persist in turning your backs upon the ^apoor, and the needy, and in withholding your substance from them?

  56 And finally, all ye that will persist in your wickedness, I say unto you that these are they who shall be hewn down and cast into the fire except they speedily repent.

  57 And now I say unto you, all you that are desirous to follow the voice of the ^agood shepherd, come ye out from the wicked, and be ye ^bseparate, and touch not their unclean things; and behold, their names shall be ^cblotted out, that the names of the wicked shall not be numbered among the names of the righteous, that the word of God may be fulfilled, which saith: The names of the wicked shall not be mingled with the names of my people;

  58 For the names of the righteous shall be written in the ^abook of life, and unto them will I grant an inheritance at my right hand. And now, my brethren, what have ye to say against this? I say unto you, if ye speak against it, it matters not, for the word of God must be fulfilled.

  59 For what shepherd is there among you having many sheep doth not watch over them, that the wolves enter not and devour his flock? And behold, if a wolf enter his ^aflock doth he not drive him out? Yea, and at the last, if he can, he will destroy him.

  60 And now I say unto you that the good shepherd doth call after you; and if you will hearken unto his voice he will bring you into his fold, and ye are his sheep; and he commandeth you that ye suffer no ravenous wolf to enter among you, that ye may not be destroyed.

  61 And now I, Alma, do command you in the language of ^ahim who hath commanded me, that ye observe to do the words which I have spoken unto you.

  62 I speak by way of command unto you that belong to the church; and unto those who do not belong to the church I speak by way of invitation, saying: Come and be baptized unto repentance, that ye also may be partakers of the fruit of the ^atree of life.

[Revelation 911]

for the casual lurker, the book of alma is uniquely mormon and exists nowhere in the Holy Scripture that comprises either the Protestant, Catholic, or Orthodox Bible.

[Revelation 911]

more hosing of the pigs ?

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

Oh, Oh, I can post fiction also!

Chapter 36

1. In Lassa of Tibet there was a master’s temple, rich in manuscripts of ancient lore.
2. The Indian sage had read these manuscripts, and he revealed to Jesus many of the secret lessons they contained; but Jesus wished to read them for himself.
3. Now, Meng-ste, greatest sage of all the farther East, was in this temple of Tibet.
4. The path across Emodus heights was difficult; but Jesus started on his way, and Vidyapati sent with him a trusted guide.
5. And Vidyapati sent a message to Meng-ste, in which he told about the Hebrew sage, and spoke for him a welcome by the temple priests.
6. Now, after many days, and perils great, the guide and Jesus reached the Lassa temple in Tibet.
7. And Meng-ste opened wide the temple doors, and all the priests and masters gave a welcome to the Hebrew sage.
8. And Jesus had access to all the sacred manuscripts, and, with the help of Meng- ste, read them all.
9. And Meng-ste often talked with Jesus of the coming age, and of the sacred service best adapted to the people of the age.
10. In Lassa Jesus did not teach. When he finished all his studies in the temple schools he journeyed toward the West. In many villages he tarried for a time and taught.
11. At last he reached the pass, and in the Ladak city, Leh, he was received with favour by the monks, the merchants, and the men of low estate.
12. And in the monastery he abode, and taught; and then he sought the common people in the marts of trade; and there he taught.
13. Not far away a woman lived, whose infant son was sick nigh unto death. The doctors had declared, There is no hope; the child must die.
14. The woman heard that Jesus was a teacher sent from God, and she believed that he had power to heal her son.
15. And so she clasped the dying infant in her arms and ran with haste and asked to see the man of God.
16. When Jesus saw her faith he lifted up his eyes to heaven and said,
17. My Father-God, let power divine o’ershadow me, and let the Holy Breath fill full this child that it may live.
18. And in the presence of the multitude he laid his hand upon the child and said,
19. Good woman you are blest; your faith has saved your son. And then the child was well.
20. The people were astonished and they said, This surely is the Holy One made flesh, for man alone cannot a fever thus and save a child from death.
21. Then many of the people brought their sick, and Jesus spoke the Word, and they were healed.
22. Among the Ladaks Jesus tarried many days; he taught them how to heal; how sins are blotted out, and how to make on earth a heaven of joy.
23. The people loved him for his words and works, and when he must depart they grieved as children grieve when mother goes away.
24. And on the morning when he started on his way the multitudes were there to press his hand.
25. To them he spoke a parable; he said, A certain king so loved the people of his land that he sent forth his only son with precious gifts for all.
26. The son went everywhere and scattered forth the gifts with lavish hand.
27. But there were priests who ministered at shrines of foreign gods, who were not pleased because the king did not through them bestow the gifts.
28. And so they sought to cause the people all to hate the son. They said, These gifts are not of any worth; they are but counterfeits.
29. And so the people threw the precious gems, and gold and silver in the streets. They caught the son and beat him, spit upon him, drove him from their midst.
30. The son resented not their insults and their cruelties; but thus he prayed, My Father-God, forgive these creatures of thy hand; they are but slaves; they know not what they do.
31. And while they yet were beating him he gave them food, and blest them with a boundless love.
32. In certain cities was the son received with joy, and he would gladly have remained to bless the homes; but he could tarry not, for he must carry gifts to every one in all the king’s domain.
33. And Jesus said, My Father-God is king of all mankind, and he has sent me forth with all the bounties of his matchless love and boundless wealth.
34. To all the people of all lands, lo, I must bear these gifts—this water and this bread of life.
35. I go my way, but we will meet again; for in my Fatherland is room for all; I will prepare a place for you.
36. And Jesus raised his hand in silent benediction; then he went his way.

[greyfoxx39]

Fiction ping

[Osage Orange]

Don’t hose me, bro..!

[svcw]

May I add: or anywhere in reason.

[Revelation 911]

LOL

[Revelation 911]

http://2think.org/hundredsheep/annotated/alma5.shtml

[MHGinTN]

Seems like Paul covered this topic/warning more accurately, under the heading of ‘Judaizers’.

[Godzilla]

THE BOOK OF PHIL
WRITTEN BY PHILIPPIANS
HIS LIFE AMONGST THE LAMANITES
CHAPTER 1

Phil desires to learn more of Onandagus's culture. Travels to their village. Meets the father of Onandagus, ironically named Nephi, who is the chief, and wiseman of the tribe. Nephi doesn't want Phil to live amongst them for fear that other Lamanite tribes will seek him out in their village. Phil shows Nephi the plates and poems. Nephi lets him stay if he reads the poems and scrolls to him. Phil meets another Nephite dwelling amongst the Lamanite tribe of Nephi, a woman named Fister. [About 323 A.D.]

1. And it came to pass that after the manner in which I readeth the plates, even the metal and stone plates that I did dig up, yea, I loaded the plates upon my chariot, and journeyed to the village of Onandagus.

2. And because I desired not to be slain, for I knew not if the tribe of Onandagus doth seek to slay Nephites, yea, I tore a piece of rent from my shirt, even my white shirt, and I did wave it over my head as a sign that I come in peace.

3. And as I came upon the village, yea, even as Whitey pulled my chariot to the entrance to the village, I beheld a multitude of Lamanite children who did play. And the children had feathers in their hair, and did wear no shirt, just pants. And they were cute little Lamanites.

4. And after the space of only a few minutes, yea, Onandagus, even my chariot racing rival whom did cometh in second and who did havest a tapir to pull his chariot, and whom I now think to be my friend, yea, even he did emerge from the teepee in which he dwelt, and did greeteth me.

5. And Onandagus, being an exceedingly friendly Lamanite, spake unto me: Greetings, Philippians, for I am exceedingly happy to behold thee. Comest to my teepee so as we may smoke peace pipe together.

6. And Onandagus escorted me to his teepee, and we smoked a peace pipe together, and it was good. And we conversed one to another, and I spake unto him about the wars and contentions in the land. And Onandagus spake, saying that many Lamanites do join their brethren in battle, but yea, Onandagus's people are peace loving Lamanites, even are they from the Korihorite branch of Lamanites, and participate not in any war, and are neutral in the great war, and taketh no side. For the people of Onandagus's tribe, being an idle people, do prefer to spend their days relaxing, and smoking peace pipes, and dancing around the fire, and fornicating. And this doth makest many other Lamanite tribes angry at Onandagus's tribe, for they say thou art either with them or against them.

7. And I spake unto Onandagus, saying: Behold, Onandagus, thou shouldest to call me Phil, for that is my short name, and I participated in war, even did I kill many men, which thing doth make me exceedingly sorrowful, and I desire to fight no more, and to livest in peace. And I do also desire to smoke lots of peace pipes, yea, for the peace pipe we smoke doth havest an exceedingly pleasant effect upon me, but yea, the Nephites smoke not peace pipes, for the prophet hath spoken out against them. Nevertheless, I desire to ignore the counsel of the Nephite prophet, for peace pipes are exceedingly goodly.

8. And Onandagus spake unto me: Yea, Phil, it would be pleasing unto me to havest thee stay here, even to smoke peace pipes with me, for I thinkest thee a goodly Nephite, even art thou my friend. Nevertheless, we must go before my father, for my father, being the tribal chief, shall makest the final decision to let thee dwell amongst us or not.

9. And it came to pass that we journeyed to the teepee of the father of Onandagus, who was named Nephi, even Chief Nephi, which thing I think to be exceedingly strange, even peculiar, for he being a Lamanite and named Nephi was not right.

10. And after the manner in which Onandagus explained my request unto his father, yea, Chief Nephi the Lamanite spake unto me, saying: Greetings Philippians, it is that my son desires thee to stay here, for thou doth seek after peace, but wo, for all other Lamanites doth thirst after the blood of all Nephites, for this land is at war. Wherefore, if thou doth dwell amongst us, yea, thou shalt bring exceeding trouble upon this tribe, for many Lamanite tribes shall desire to kill thee, and shall annihilate my people for allowing thee to dwell amongst us.

11. And I spake unto Chief Nephi: Behold, thou can callest me Phil, for that is my short name. And I desire not to bring trouble unto thy people, wherefore, I shall leave and dwell in solitude. Nevertheless, I desire to know one thing before I depart thy fine village. Why doth thou haveth the name Nephi? For that name is used by Nephites, even hath there been many Nephites who doth havest the name Nephi, for a man named Nephi founded this land of promise many centuries ago, and is the name of many great Nephite prophets since, and even doth the word Nephite come from the name Nephi. But no person named Nephi have I known to be a Lamanite until now. Wherefore, I think it exceedingly strange for a Lamanite to havest the name Nephi. Is it that thou desires to be like unto the Nephites?

12. And Nephi spake unto me: Nay, Phil, my father did hate Nephites, even all Nephites did he hate with a vengeance. And my father thinketh naming his Lamanite son Nephi shall be an insult unto all Nephites, for he did taketh me to Zarahemla, and did show me to the people, and spake unto all the Nephites that I havest the name Nephi, yea, even did he say this thing in an attempt to stir up contention amongst the Nephite people. And it came to pass that he failed to stir up contention, for the Nephite people did care not that I was named Nephi, and they did instead say I was exceedingly cute, and desired to convert my father to their peculiar religion. Wherefore, my father did quickly leave Zarahemla, and did spend much time in his teepee smoking his peace pipe and pondering other ways to insult and offend the Nephites.

13. And I spake back at Nephi: Yea, but is this not a peace loving tribe? Why did thy father seek to insult and offend the Nephites, even to contend with them?

14. And Nephi answered: Behold, Phil, it is that it is only this generation that teaches this tribe shall be peace loving, for I teach peace unto my people. And my father, being not a smart man, did perish for his actions, yea, for the Nephites did finally tire of his actions, and did murder him after the last straw, for my father nameth his ass Captain Moroni, and my father did also nameth his female dog Alma, in an attempt to mock the Nephite prophets of old. And he did take Moroni the Ass and Alma the Bitch to Zarahemla, and mingled amongst the Nephites, and did parade them around the city, even with their nametags hanging around their necks.

15. And Nephi did continue his story: And after the manner in which my father did parade his animals around the city, and did point and laugh and mock the Nephite prophets exceedingly, yea, a mob came upon my father, and did stone him to death for the crime of mocking their prophets. And after the manner in which the Nephites did stone my father, yea, they did keep Captain Moroni the Ars and Alma the ***, excepteth they did give unto them new names, and did give them to new families. And after that incident, yea, the Nephite authorities came upon our village and spake that we must repent of our sins, or suffer the same fate as my father. And after I beheld my father's actions did backfire, and did cost him his life, and did bring contention to the tribe, yea, I desired peace, and thought to contend with the Nephites no more. And after the manner in which I did taketh over as tribal leader, yea, we did pack up and move to escape our persecutors, even did we move here, in the valley below Mount Balsac. And I do teach peace, and love, for I desire not war, nor contention.

16. And I replied: Behold, Nephi, I desire not to bringeth contention upon thy people, wherefore, I shall depart from thy village and dwell alone with my deer upon Mount Balsac. For I havest much to read and ponder, and I thinketh the mountain to be a place for a person in solitude to get much inspiration, even like the Lamanites of old who did dwell in this land and write many marvelous and wonderful things for this generation upon plates.

17. And it came to pass that after I spake these words unto Nephi, yea, I did turn to leave, and to dwell in solitude. But Nephi behooved me to stop, and he spake, saying: Behold, Phil, whatsoever doth thou speaketh of when thou doth speak of reading the things that the Lamanites of old did write upon plates?

18. And it came to pass that I explained unto Nephi the poems written upon scrolls, and the manner in which the clues encoded upon them lead me to the plates, even the Lamanite plates.

19. And after the manner in which I did explain these things unto Nephi, yea, his eyes grew exceedingly large, and he replied unto me: Behold, Phil, I desire exceedingly to see these things thou doth speak of, for I desire to learn of my forefathers, even of mine heritage, for I think often of my roots.

20. And I whistled for Whitey, and Whitey pulled my chariot to the front of Nephi's teepee, and I showed unto him the scrolls, and the plates that I did collect and store inside my chariot. And Nephi hefted the plates, and examined the scrolls. And I explained unto Nephi that the scrolls and plates were historical documents, even from the earliest Lamanite settlers. And I did read him an excerpt from the plates.

21. And it came to pass that after the manner in which I read the excerpt unto Nephi, yea, he desired exceedingly to read all the plates, but yea, he knew not how to read, for many Lamanites had not the gift of reading, nor writing, nor the gift of translation with a magic decoder rock

22. And I spake a deal unto Nephi, even did I say unto him to lettest me dwell amongst his people, and learn the customs of his people, and I shall read the words upon the plates and scrolls unto him.

23. And Nephi agreed unto my deal, and we did shake hands on it. And Nephi assigned unto me a teepee in which to dwell. And I gathered my supplies and unpacked into my teepee, even into my knew home.

24. And it came to pass that after I unpacked, a visitor arrived at my teepee, and my visitor was a teenage girl, and she was white, like unto a Nephite, and she was exceedingly delightsome to behold. And I spake at her: Behold, girl, who is it that thou are?

25. And the girl replied: Behold, I am Fister, and I come upon thee in fellowship.

26. And I spake back at Fister: Behold, Fister, I am Philippians, but thou mayest call me Phil. Why is it that thou art white, like unto me?

27. And Fister replied: Behold, Phil, I am of Nephite heritage, and long ago I lived up the river, with my Nephite family. And it came to pass that when I was a baby girl, the Zutite tribe, who are angry and violent Lamanites, came upon my people to slaughter and scalp us, but yea, my mother placed me in a basket and sent me down the river to preserve my life. And I floated many miles down the river, and came upon this tribe, even this peaceful Lamanite tribe of Nephi who oppose the violent Zutites. And the wife of Nephi discovered me in a basket in the river, and took me in as her own daughter, and named me Fister. And though my skin be white like unto a Nephite, nevertheless behold, I stand before thee and declare myself a proud Lamanite from the tribe of Chief Nephi.

28. And I replied: Behold, Fister, that is a great story. Wherefore, it is pleasing unto me to meet thee.

29. And Fister bade me good night, and I bade Fister goodnight. And I did sleep well in my new home, even in my teepee.

[greyfoxx39]

Can Zelph be far behind?

[Godzilla]

Can Zelph be far behind?

Oh ye poorly read - that is from Zelph.

[MHGinTN]

A posed cure for insomnia?

[greyfoxx39]

Oh ye poorly read - that is from Zelph.

Oh, gee...I admit to NOT being a Zelph follower. Was there a link I missed? ;)

[MHGinTN]

What are you implying, that Godzilla is denying us ‘the missing link’?

[greyfoxx39]

What are you implying, that Godzilla is denying us ‘the missing link’?

You know how I am about SOURCES! How many posts have I made that say..."link?....source?

You don't think I let just anyone get away with unsourced material, do you?

[FastCoyote]

Well, if it isn’t the pig hoser himself, here to clean all the Gentiles.

What’s next, the whole BOM posted on Free Republic?

I am pressed for time, but of course the usual comment is, do ya think Ole Joe could have started more sentences with the word ‘And’? It must have been a slow day at the ‘And’ factory in Palmyra, I only count 33 sentences that start ‘And’. And behold. And I say. And yea. And and.

God would have been kicked out of a Toastmasters club meeting if he spoke that way.

[Revelation 911]

must have been a slow day at the ‘And’ factory in Palmyra,

have you ever been to Palmyra ? - a very rural suburb of Rochester - one stop light kind a town, about 45 min from my house

Probably just plenty of scared sheep in Joes day

[FastCoyote]

The Golden Ox of Palmyra (AKA the 'And' Factory)