Posted on 06/02/2008 10:30:31 AM PDT by Quix
Lack of secure ATTACHMENT the first 6 years of life—especially, imho, to a healthy loving DADDY, results in almost or truly terminal insecurities.
Said insecurities trigger a lifelong [until arrested and overcome, flushed]—trigger a lifelong pattern, habit, obsession of BEING IN CONTROL of every detail of one’s life and especially one’s relationships [which, of course, causes no end of problems and never results in the security longed for—satan wins again].
And, most often, such obsessive compulsions and needs for CONTROL find a nurturing home in INSTITUTIONALIZED structure,
. . . And it is all the more delusionally self-righteously pseudo-comforting when it’s RELIGIOUS order, rules, law, ritual, form . . . This control issue is such a fascinating thing from the REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDERED origins of it to all its manifestations in individuals and in in-group/out-group dynamics and hideousness. I'm increasingly coming to the conclusion that all of us need periodic bouts of being out of any effective control in areas that matter most to us. Helps humility as well as perspective. Helps remind us Who IS TRULY in control. When I was working in the Navy human relations project CREDO, our workshop Thurs evening through Sunday was designed to give the staff incredible degrees of control. Yet, it was very paradoxical. Even though the underlying structuring, strategies, stage setting were in many respects very controlling, we were most effective in that the small group process in an outrageously large group typically turned most effective to the degree we gave up control. Folks couldn't get violent. They essentially couldn't leave the group nor walk off the property--though rare such did happen. And, they were forcefully encouraged to speak for themselves using "I" statements vs "you" statements . . . and to actively listen to what everyone else said. That was about it in terms of active control. Beyond that we staff pushed folks buttons right and left and relentlessly to get them to face their issues; to face themselves in redemptive ways about critical issues, themes, habits, attitudes. And all 14 workshops I was on worked very successfully, very powerfully. I was virtually always paired with ORF. I think he was a Methodist Navy Chaplain psychologist. He was seen as kind of a very kknowledgeable and sensitive lump. Probably the good cop. Guess who was the other cop! LOL. Repeatedly and amazingly . . . getting in the middle of folks' faces and hearts can be a powerful trigger for growth. It still works very potently in every class I teach. Of course, one has to refine things in different settings. LOL. Thankfully, a lot of caring is communicated when one risks rejection enough to get smack dab in the middle of where folks' fears, insecurities, narrow, brittle, rigid biases flow and propagate. We all get in ruts. Some thread on FR recently cited Thomas Jefferson? as asserting that we needed a revolution about every 20 years. I think individuals need one a bit more often. We get in ruts. The rut becomes a deep trench. We eventually see little but the fantasized goal off in the distance in a very long, very deep rut. And we imagine that we are traveling lofty heights or even soaring over all the ruts of all the other ‘simpletons’ when, actually, we are mired in the sucking muddy muck of a grave with both ends knocked out. One of the things my professors taught me early . . . and that Milton Erickson of Phoenix was a master of . . . is that turmoil, even very chaotic, painful turmoil can birth the greatest new life and new orderly arrangements of a person's psyche and relationships. I think that's one of the reasons God often puts us in fiery furnaces. He wants to get us so stirred up . . . sometimes so mixed up in terms of knowing what is left, right, up, down, front, back . . . that it becomes impossible to settle into the old ruts when the fiery furnace is over. Thereafter some things are unalterably and unavoidably new in spite of ourselves and our former addiction to the former rut(s). The Chaplain founding CREDO knew such human tendencies, institutional tendencies. He and the other chaplains leading the program often tried to insure that we 10 member staff were regularly stirred up! LOL. Actually, most staff meetings quickly turned into small group process. Guess who tended to volunteer for/get thrown on the hot seat 85-95% of the time! LOL. Guess who were happy to have me take their place on the hot seat! Yup, all the other wimps. I grew a lot from it, however. Some folks think I’m a basket case now—they should have seen me then! My brand of Pentecostalism was the only valid reality in the universe and my job was to hammer everyone else into that mold regardless. That didn’t work well nor last long but it took a lot of process for me to eventually discover that consciously and growthfully—and to accept; to own a different way of living Each of us has a philosophy of life which includes critical spiritual components—even atheists. We think our particular brand is the best or we’d choose another—if there’s any sanity to our constructions on reality at all. Some of us have a more or less settled philosophical structure based on evidence for faith in logical yet faith infected ways or else we live in turmoil and confusion. We arrived at such a construction on reality, most likely, by our heritage or via some traumatic event in our life where God broke through somewhat askew to or in contradiction to our heritage. Regardless, we must evaluate—at least wise folks routinely evaluate where their car is headed—straight down the road or headed for the bar ditch. Sooner or later, the wiser folks check out the car to insure that it’s sound mechanically. Or in another perspective, we check out the foundation to insure that it’s solid, viable, reasonable. Sadly, not all folks do much thorough, broad-minded checking of their philosophical foundations. Or they don’t check their internal, mental, spiritual, philosophical structures very often, very deeply, very broadly. Yes, hopefully, as we get older we get wiser and learn more and more things that are dependably God centered and solidly so—and therefore need less to no checking. However, the wisest still check their evolving assumptions routinely. Prottys ostensibly base their existence and focus on God’s Word and God Alone—including Holy Spirit’s still small voice of guidance and instruction leading them into all truth. GOD ALONE, as the song goes. In my experience, the folks I’ve known walking closest to God certainly do. Alas, the human critter is perversely talented at making, building an idol out of anything—even Scripture in ink on wood pulp. Though, mercifully, in my experience, that’s typically a rather rare phenomenon in terms of raw numbers and in terms of overtly idolatrous thoughts, attitudes and behaviors. My senior High School PhD level teacher who had us read more than 12 books like BRAVE NEW WORLD, ANIMAL FARM, MACHIAVELLI, COMMUNIST MANIFESTO, THE CONSTITUTION OF THE USA, THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, JOHN LOCKE, PLATO, 1984, ETC. . . . said as she assigned our end of the year term paper to answer: It often grieves me that so many RC’s seem to have never scrutinized their authentic origins much at all. The party line is swallowed hook, line and sinker and rigid denial sets in wholesale and deeply entrenched—never to be altered except to get thicker, more blind, more narrow, more unfounded on God and God’s Word etc. And so many seem to have little to no perspective at all in their lives from which to be able to detect at all—that they’ve done that; that they routinely live that way and always have. Some Pentecostals are the same way. And Baptists. And Lutherans. However, in my experience a much smaller proportion of Prottys seem to fall prey to such habits so deeply entrenched and so filled with blind rigid denial. That’s very sad to me. I’m certain it grieves our Heavenly Father wholesale when any of us of any Christian variety give in to satan’s pressures to live in such a box, such a rut.
And I seriously pity the person who’s never been stripped to the bone marrow sufficiently ‘Holy Spirit/refiner’s fire ruthlessly’ to know because they know because they know because they know, THAT. And, I believe that, generally speaking, when one concludes thinking of such a list, or reading such and there springs up within one’s being this protest . . . this . . . BUT, BUT, BUT, what about ______________ That (he, she, it)’s also a ________________ THEN we are dealing with some level of idolatry—regardless of the label on the Christian club sign. The mud pits of Egypt are not our HOME. The best education, heritage, magisterical of Egypt are not our security. The best parenting is not our most reliable destiny. That is—as great and essential a good foundation as the best parenting is—there comes a time when we must face GOD ALONE. Leaning on even the best Mommy and Daddy just isn’t sufficient any longer. Almighty DADDY has a lien on our existence. And when He comes to collect, He requires our ALL. Thankfully, HE GIVES US HIS ALL in return.
. . . she insisted that we had to support our answers—that it was no longer sufficient to say—“Because mom and dad believe that/told me.” We had to have our own well founded foundation for who we were, what we believed and where we were going. It was a priceless class.
Folks, start your fingers!
Brazen personal interest ping.
Thanks for the ping.
I’ll try to read this as my work schedule permits.
Looks good.
= = =
Salute to you, 1000 silverlings.
This is another “Quix is back” ping.
Just FYI and with my FReegards!
Great to see you back!
Start of a busy week, but keep me pinged. I’m too old to change, lol
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Thanks tons for your kind words.
And particularly for your prayers. Let us all remember to keep JimRob lifted up in prayer.
That his health be top flight through Christ’s Healing Love and Spirit;
That he be provisioned in all respects abundantly
That he and FR be protected in all respects from all hindrances and assaults of the enemy.
That he prosper and be in health as his soul prospers and draws ever closer to his Heavenly Father in love and devotion.
I’d also like to pray for some who care most about our Lord, Republic and Constitution would come forward with megabucks for an FR endowment to relieve the stress of FREEPATHONS as well as to buffer unforeseen challenges ahead.
But prayer alone is the most powerful priority for JimRob and FR and all of us . . . and our mutual caring unity on the priority goals that FR is about can move God’s hand most potently.
imho
Yes, God is the first overwhelming highest order GIVER.
You are right. I neglected to change that.
Yet, He does always respond beyond the call of duty, imho.
Thanks for your kind words and prayers.
Thanks tons for your kind loving prayers and help in all this.
God’s best to you in your work and family.
Certainly such groups have been used destructively for various reasons and in various ways.
Thankfully, our groups were well structured and well ran.
When a Command had even 15% of their people go to such a workshop, there were
1. less sick days out
2. higher re-up rates
3. lower AWOL’s
4. lower alcoholism and other drug abuse.
and IIRC, less divorces.
The time was when Nixon was throwing money at the drug abuse problem in the military. We turned out to be quite helpful on that score.
lower enlisted and lower officer ranks learned to hear upper ranks AND VICE VERSA.
Leaders had a much higher level of empathy.
Marine spouse abuse decreased markedly to mostly nothing for those attending.
IIRC, there were actually some lives saved in terms of suicide as well as homicide.
And . . . out of 14 workshops . . . about 50 participants . . . every last participant went away markedly and lastingly changed for the better—many quite dramatically so. The research was clear about that.
And, there were some who accepted Christ in off, informal free time periods and others who deepened their relationship with Christ.
I have absolutely no apologies or regrets about such benefits of such a group and set of group dynamics.
MANY TORTURED, TORN, BATTERED HEARTS, MINDS AND SOULS went down the mountain back to San Diego healed or much more healed.
BTW, we held it at the YMCA ranch house in Julian.
As of 6 years ago, CREDO was still in the same building on the wharf across from the Star of India—at least where the Star used to be.
Yeah, folks can avoid all kinds of risks . . .
and avoid growing in the process.
Participants were service members of the
Navy
Coast Guard
Marines
and spouses of such .
who were NOT
part of the same family, same unit etc.
Occasionally people knew one another but none were currently working in the same command structure.
Some were somewhat coerced to go because of a DUI or family problem or authority problem or some such.
But most were encouraged as a growth experience that might help their personal if not professional growth.
There was a variety of types of experiences but by Friday evening, it was essentially all large group processing in the large ranch house.
Most of the time, staff avoided initiating dialogue. Especially the first half-3/4ths. We’d just truly facilitate processing of things that participants raised.
But we sure set up the participants to throw meaty stuff out from their inner psychodynamic and relational junk.
For example, the first evening after their sack lunch supper, we sat them down in the large living room and instructed them to get comfortable. Then we slapped on a long tape of 45 min or more of a collection of music that was super depressing. The native Americans and small pox son; Buffy St Marie stuff etc. Lots of depressing counter culture music. ONLY depressing songs.
Then we instructed them that they had to get ready and go to bed WITHOUT TALKING AT ALL. And staff monitored that until all were well asleep.
NEXT: The first morning after breakfast which was after the Navy Chief delighted in waking everyone up with our excellent sound system playing AMAZING GRACE at loud volume at about 5:30 or some such in the morning . . . .
WE’D gather all in the large living room and have them get comfortable—staff interspersed throughout—And we’d slap about an hour and a half or so of carefully selected ANGER music. After which, the one hard rule for the staff for the whole workshop was that after that tape,
NO STAFF PERSON could be the first person to say anything. The tape ended. SILENCE. Once we sat there for 20 minutes before anyone said anything.
Sooner or later the younger enlisted would start saying RIGHT ON! and spewing all sorts of junk and the Senior enlisted and Senior officers in the group would start saying things like WHAT IS THIS—A COMMUNIST PLOT?
It was all civilian clothes first name only basis.
Then we were off and running. The staff would stop the processing a good bit short of it peaking and send them having numbered off for another person to get to know; then having one member of the dyad go and recruit someone else for a threesome . . . then we manipulated those small groups into joining per our prescription as per our observations of the individuals for a mix of useful people to help one another grow. We insisted on significant diversity in those groups.
There was a solitary walk somewhere that afternoon or Sat afternoon, I forget. They couldn’t talk to anyone else or be around anyone else—but God. We gave them no particular prescription for their solitary walk except maybe on occasion—thinking about what they’d been going through and what else they might like out of our time together. But I don’t recall that we mad it a point to give them much instruction at all about their walk.
Actually, Sandy, I suspect you’d have gotten a lot out of it.
On every one of my 14 workshops, folks who were polar opposites on the bus up came down fast friends and much more able to hear folks in their families and commands that before they’d only been able to flare up against.
I loved it. I love seeing folks learn and grow—especially about themselves.
I’ve always wanted to structure some men’s retreats similarly. But never ben able to. So, I’ve made do with
Cursillo/Tres Dias/Walk to Emmaus
Which our workshop was somewhat patterned after.
Staff didn’t define change per se for individuals. We elicited goals from the individuals and helped them make movement toward the goals they stated as important to them.
Now, of course, we were aware of key issues for folks and could readily set them up to choose a growthful goal. But we didn’t coerce anyone into our goals for them vs their own. We took cues from each individual from the beginning as to what would be growthful for them.
Most of it was increasing capacities to have empathy; to communicate; to feel contructively and communicate feelings constructively . . . to communicate wants and desires constructively . . . to avoid blame . . . to take responsibility for one’s choices, feelings and actions etc. Pretty basic stuff.
The pushing buttons aspect may be misleading to you. Stuff was bubbling up and out all over the place . . . sometimes even on the bus up—people don’t stop being who they are and acting as they routinely act just because they agree to go on a work related workshop.
OH, confidentiality was stressed in terms of info staying on the mountain, so to speak. I don’t recall any problems with that the two years I was part of the program. We were not snoops for commands.
In terms of benefit—I can’t think of a single person out of 14 workshops who didn’t feel they’d benefitted and their families benefitted greatly from the experience. That would be 0 out of approx 700 people. I’m not the least bit sad about being a significant part of helping 700 people AND THEIR FAMILIES—say maybe 1,400-1,800 people have better, more loving, more fulfilling, more enriched, more Godly lives and families and work relationships.
BTW, Sandy . . .
any tidy little box anyone tries to shove me into
never fits.
No problem that was just one of those niggling tidbits that the back of my mind wanted to toss out at the next opportunity.
Then you’d have been military AWOL and likely have been written up for it.
I think there was only one fellow who attempted to leave the mountain once. He came back and really got something out of it.
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