Wow, I'm not sure my wife would appreciate me having such a Harem. Where do we keep all these extra women we steal while their husbands are at work?
Do tell me, I'm dying to know where I can find em. They're certainly not in my congregation, not in my neighborhood.
Wait, I think they all must have been “reconverted” and gone to live in Texas and the FLDS sects.
Thanks for the chuckle.
If you’re a guy, Churtle Dawg, and have a wife - tell her to be on the lookout for the pairs of young male Mormon missionaries who come around to women’s houses while their husbands are busy being productive and proselytize them. You see, every extra woman the Mormon men can get into the Mormon church whose stubborn husbands won’t also come in, the Mormon men get to “have” those extra women in their polygamous harems into eternity, where they will be gods, and the women will have the honor of being barefoot and pregnant endlessly for all eternity. [Twinkie]
Source:
LDS apostle Heber C. Kimball, who had 43,44, or 45 wives, depending on the source, was speaking to a group of departing missionaries...
"Brethren, I want you to understand that it is not to be as it has been heretofore. The brother missionaries have been in the habit of picking out the prettiest women for themselves before they get here, and bringing on the ugly ones for us; hereafter you have to bring them all here before taking any of them, and let us all have a fair shake." (Apostle Heber C. Kimball, The Lion of the Lord, New York, 1969, pp. 129-130.)
Kimball also said: "I say to those who are elected to go on missions, remember they are not your sheep: they belong to Him that sends you. Then do not make a choice of any of those sheep; do not make selections before they are brought home and put into the fold. You under stand that. Amen" (Journal of Discourses, vol. 6, p. 256)
The LDS “prophet” who pulled the LDS u-turn on polygamy, Wilford Woodruff, is described thusly: Mr. Ferris thus described the use of his priestly power made by Wilford Woodruff, who, as head of the church in later years, gave out the advice about abandoning polygamy: "Woodruff has a regular system of changing his harem. He takes in one or more young girls, and so manages, after he tires of them, that they are glad to ask for a divorce, after which he beats the bush for recruits. He took a fresh one, about fourteen years old, in March, 1853, and will probably get rid of her in the course of the ensuing summer." http://www.globusz.com/ebooks/mormons/00000089.htm
A humorist who inspired Mark Twain, Charles Farrar Browne who also went under the name, Artemus Ward, wrote “A Visit to Brigham Young”:
A few days before my arrival in Utah--Brigham was married again--to a young and really pretty girl--but he says he shall stop now. He told me confidentially that he shouldn't get married any more. He says that all he wants now is to live in peace for the remainder of his days--and have his dying pillow soothed by the loving hands of his family. Well--that's all right--that's all right--I suppose--but if ALL his family soothe his dying pillow--he'll have to go out-doors to die…(Picture of) BRIGHAM YOUNG AND HIS WIVES. The pretty girls of Utah mostly marry Young….(Picture of) Heber C. Kimball's Harem.--Mr. C. Kimball is the first vice-president of the Mormon church--and would--consequently--succeed to the full presidency on Brigham Young's death. Brother Kimball is a gay and festive cuss of some seventy summers--or some'ers thereabout. He has one thousand head of cattle and a hundred head of wives. (It is an authenticated fact that, in an address to his congregation in the Tabernacle, Heber C. Kimball once alluded to his wives by the endearing epithet of "my heifers;" and on another occasion politely spoke of them as "his cows." The phraseology may possibly be a slight indication of the refinement of manners prevalent in Salt Lake City.) He says they are awful eaters. Mr. Kimball had a son--a lovely young man--who was married to ten interesting wives. But one day--while he was absent from home--these ten wives went out walking with a handsome young man--which so enraged Mr. Kimball's son--which made Mr. Kimball's son so jealous--that he shot himself with a horse pistuel. Source: The Complete Works of Artemus Ward, Part 6 by Charles Farrar Browne http://www.fullbooks.com/The-Complete-Works-of-Artemus-Ward-Partx3295.html
"I think no more of taking another wife than I do of buying a cow." (Heber C. Kimball, The Twenty Seventh Wife, Irving Wallace, p. 101)
After Kimball took his last wife at age fifty-six, he begot seventeen children by her and by four other wives.
"Some quietly listen to those who speak against the plurality of wives, and against almost every principle that God has revealed. Such persons have half-a-dozen devils with them all the time. You might as well deny 'Mormonism,' and turn away from it, as to oppose the plurality of wives. Let the Presidency of this Church, and the Twelve Apostles, and all the authorities unite and say with one voice that they will oppose the doctrine, and the whole of them will be damned." (Apostle Heber C. Kimball, Journal of Discourses, vol. 5, p. 203)
”It's seems odd that God would really pick Heber C. Kimball as one of his elect Apostles to represent Jesus Christ… What God in his right mind would pick such a man as his Apostle? Or if He did, why didn't God inspire Kimball to make a retraction to these teachings?” http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon432.htm