I appreciate what you said about being passionate and dramatic, and how that’s not the same as being angry or hostile. It can be so easy to misunderstand, particularly in this text-only medium.
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Thanks tons.
I don’t think there’s a solution for that one that I’ve come up with.
Even face to face, one can’t please everyone. But, at least face to face, there’s a lot more communication occurring along nonverbal channels.
Amazingly, though, ALMOST the same percentages (I’d guesstimate within 5-20%) of folks discern my heart online as do in person.
I’m reminded of my 2 weeks in Israel . . . natives—especially Arabs but also Jews—would tend to stand talking, faces literally about 1-3 or so inches apart—YELLING AT EACH OTHER as though one was going to slit the other’s throat. And they were just mildly discussing the weather, from their standpoint.
ASSUMPTIONS and CONTEXT are such big issues in communications.
It also seems to be very human to state things ABSOLUTELY, EMPHATICALLY. “You do . . . .” “I KNOW . . . “ “You mean . . . “ etc.
when we largely to totally ASSUME, INFER, EXTRAPOLATE, CONJECTURE . . . .
I don’t always succeed, but I try to own opinions, assumptions, etc. vs things I really do emphatically experientially know.
LIFE REALLY IS COMPLEX. Scripture is even fairly complex . . . though the essentials of the 2 most important commandments are rather simply and clearly stated.
Living those commandments out day by day can be more complex—sometimes increidbly complex in terms of loving people.
Scripture HINTS at a LOT of things. Even many of the clear emphatic statements in Scripture can have 2-3 valid meanings—layers of meanings.
Humility about assumptions even about Scripture is in order.
Assuming that we know emphatically and exhaustively someone else’s heart attitude or even their seemingly evident thinking is often HTTM—HAZARDOUS TO THE MAX—for all concerned.
I think it’s one thing to infer from behavior a given motive or focus or attitude or value . . . and own that as an inference or probability or what things appear to be as.
It’s a different thing to EMPHATICALLY PONTIFICATE in a haughty critical judgment attitude some tidy boxed pigeon holed label that presumes to wrap another complex person and their perspective up in a neat 100% accurate little package. NOT likely to be very valid at all—in at least some respects. Humility about that sort of temptation is wise.
Then there’s that old truism we were often taught in grade school . . . the taunts of even bullies and meanies need have no impact at all. It’s their problem. Yet, we tended to get most upset when there was too much of an element of truth to their taunts.
Humans are so funny. It doesn’t even take a bully to pull the curtain back. Just common human communication misunderstandings—especially with any or too much assuming—can do it.
Like the old Dr Murray Banks joke . . . Woman at the races turns to the man on her right—Excuse me do you have a safety-pin? No, sorry. She turns to the man on her left—Excuse me do you have a safety-pin? No, sorry. Suddenly over the loud speaker—she hears THEY’RE OFF. And she fainted.
What’s said may be a hundred miles different than what’s heard—for very innocent reasons. Add in human flaws and the reasons get flakey and complicated fast.
Add in insecurities, hurts, brittleness, related chips on shoulders and many of us are ready to go to war too easily at the drop of a hat.
Our era is sooooo engulfed in stressed out sources of concerning info . . . folks tend to be chronically wound up . . . usually out of fears and insecurities—not truly trusting God . . .
and/or alternately by turns . . .
tune out into a kind of zombied, passive, wimped out state and attitude.
Too often, that can be too much in the camp of the LUKE-WARM. Though luke-warmness can also come from tuning out insecurities, fears and pains from early traumas.
Then, if someone jangles or removes even a chunk of our thickly padded insulation of passivity or wimpishness or obsessive addiction to ANY ‘teddy bear’ but God Almighty . . . we can become instantly hurt, outraged, indignent, resentful, hostile.
I think such trigger experiences COULD and are probably designed to surface inseurities and stuff which we need to take to The Cross; leave on the altar in Heaven . . . God wanting us to TRUST HIM IN AND ABOUT ALL THINGS.
But many of us are still full of so many childhood insecuriies, it’s difficult for us to look to God first and foremost and trust HIM with whatever has assaulted our sensitivities . . . and then OUT OF THAT TRUSTING GOD—to seek Him for how He would like us to respond. Instead, we REACT. Then the other person REACTS . . . and the disonant reverberations escalate.
And it’s all just information.
We climb the walls, throw out fangs and claws just over information.
The information is likely at least biased. It’s likely not 100% true. It’s likely naturally distorted and may be partially deliberately distorted.
Yet we feel compelled to get irate, climb the wall and retaliate over mere information.
Feelings are mere information. Information may be important. We may need to make decisions and take action based on the information. But it’s just information.
We have the God-given CAPACITY—if we are the least bit healthy and the least bit mature—to hold the information out at arm’s length FIRST—pray about our responses—FIRST and then RESPOND vs react.
I don’t always manage that either. But I’m a lot better at it than I was even 10-20 years ago—whether it shows sufficiently for some sensibilties hereon! LOL.
Then there are those like my mother—who seem to get all their exercise jumping to conclusions—absolutely convinced that they are then 100% correct regardless of the evidence. LOL.
PASSION focused on God’s priorities with hearts of caring for others . . . however imperfect and however imperfectly expressed . . . is a LOT better than luke warm.
So, I think even hostile responses to me are comforting signs that at least the other person is alive and has some priorities in life beyond that of breathing and taking up space.
Goodness . . . what a long pontificating narrative. I’d best hush. Enough info for this post!
LUB
Your post points out some failings of mine ... but don’t worry, I think it’s *good* to be reminded!
As you suggest - and Scripture affirms - there is only ONE Great Commandment and there are only two commandments upon which all the law and prophets "hang:"
And the second [is] like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. – Matthew 22:37-40