Posted on 07/27/2007 9:54:17 AM PDT by xzins
Y'all know the rules.
No spittin', kickin', gougin', cussin', listin', or disobeying the grand poobah of the neeners, the Lord High Protector, yada, yada, rights and privileges apertaining thereunto.
Special dispensations, indulgences, awards granted solely at the whim of the Lord High Protector.
Absolutely NO lists!
at THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning At 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing. Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined. Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Busted!!! LOL.
Sign I almost bought the other day.
“Jesus loves you. But I’m his favorite.”
Um...xzins...you can’t see it because you have the original image in your cache. But you keep posting graphics from that site and we’re getting a “you’ve been a bad boy” picture that says “Stealing bandwidth makes baby Jesus cry.”
Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
gid oudda here.....
My favorite:
Jesus loves you, only because he has to.
“Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.”
honest
Signs you've seen, wish you hadn't seen, wish you would see, that make you laugh, that make you cry, that make you sigh)
Wish I would see:
Yup we are not seeing your signs, just a scalding little smilie face creature trying to shame you.
is this more of that kindness and respect you talk about?
Sigh....
Must be from the New York Times. :>)
There used to be a pizza shop in a town nearby that was closing up after 20 or so years in business. That shop is very near a Pentecostal Church. Both had signs but since the road in fron of the buildings was only one way, you could read the Pizza shop sign for about a 1/2 mile, and only saw the church sign when right on top of it. The last few weeks tht the pizza shop was open their sign read, “You only have two weeks left!” The Church, not to be out done changed their sign to,
“So you better get in here!”
Oh lighten up, St. Francis.
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