I think probably the simpliest, or simplified, way to see the difference is not in the manner in which God acts or is experienced, Grace, but in our difference in that we believe God’s Grace is for all is children, all humans.
In other words, all the love, grace, the drawing toward Him (and the suffering that sin and separation bring) that you see for the elect, we see for all.
So, simplifying: it’s not so much the how but the whom in which we differ from Calvinism.
If they can make all sorts of stupid accusations, so can I.