I do not pretend to know the mind of God. Some people earnestly seek God, some are found by God, and it is a combination of the two in other cases.
The important thing is I heard the Gospel message and accepted Christ as my personal Savior. My understanding of the exact mechanism by which that happened is not important.
Does that mean you don't know? Or you haven't thought about it?
As I look back at my salvation experience, I know that God pursued me in my quest to get as far from him as I could. I did not pursue God. He wrestled me to the ground and beat me into submission. I did not come willingly.
I suspect that your journey was the same. I suspect that God brought you kicking and screaming to the foot of the cross and then when he opened your eyes to Christ, you fell to your knees, your will broken and your eyes wide open.
You were willing because God had pursued you and brought you to him. It was not the result of chance and logic and reason. It was the work of the Almighty God coming to pass. When you arrived it was because you had a divine appointment with God.
Would you disagree?