Posted on 03/02/2007 11:04:03 AM PST by xzins
Al Gore's Green Tips
compiled by Ken Gammage
My fellow Americans, we are at a crossroads. We can either march together into a clean, "green" world, or we can all continue with our filthy habits and foul our own nests. The choices are ours to make, and from the bully pulpit of the presidency, I will help us make the right decisions.
1. Cook with 'gray water.' Clear, fresh water falls from the skies, but it takes the water department a long time, and a lot of energy to make it flow from your home taps. We can conserve precious water by reusing it. Just put pots and pans in the shower with you, and when they're full, use that 'gray' water for cooking. Not in soups or sauces, perhaps, where residual soaps and dirt might affect the flavor. But 'gray water' is ideal for steaming vegetables, or boiling (as my predecessor would say) "potatoes."
2. Wear your clothes four times before washing. There really is no such thing as an environmentally friendly detergent. So reducing the amount of wash we do can save water and help restore the environment. Why not do what the Gores do at home: wear clothes at least 4 times between washes (3 times for underwear and socks). Tipper thought of this neat reminder so you won't forget, "Wear four art thou, Romeo?"
3. Insulate with used Pampers or Huggies. We all know that insulating our homes can save energy, and many people already have pink fiberglass in their attics and crawlspaces. But fiberglass is manufactured in a process that itself uses lots of energy. If you haven't already insulated, or still have some airspace above the pink layers, you might do what the Gores do: recycle used 'disposable' diapers as insulation for your attic. Not many people know that Pampers and Huggies have a high 'R-value,' and the pungent fragrance discourages rodents and other pests.
4. Utilize the latest Enviro-Tech Products! Scientists are not the ghouls and destroyers of Mother Earth that a lot of my colleagues in the environmental movement accuse them of being. Far from it! The field of Green Research is fruitful, and these are just a few of the brave new appliances you should be using:
Personal Methane Capture Devices or 'fart compressors,' are not new (the Germans used them during WWII), but are now technologically feasible for the ordinary citizen. The special ergonomic plug and 'flat-tube' PVC piping make it easy to capture methane while sitting or standing. If you find that your personal flatulence is insufficient to cook your backyard soyburgers on the gas grill, simply switch to a diet higher in legumes. Consuming protein items lower down on the food chain saves energy and helps our economy.
Nasal Wind Turbine. How often I've lain awake at night, listening to Tipper's startlingly realistic impression of the overtime shift at a large lumber mill, and wondered how to harness such impressive energy. Now there's a way to do it - two ultra miniaturized 'ram jet' turbines that plug right into her nostrils. They'll generate enough electricity to recharge the batteries on your golf cart! Thoughtfully, the designers included an industrial strength muffler. I purchased two sets of these things, and I'm giving one to Bill. I understand Hillary has a lot in common with my wife.
Condom Repair Kit. You know our motto: "Recycle. Recycle. Recycle." I think our planet has about come to the end of its rope with so-called 'disposable' products. And these little latex pork-packets have a half-life in our landfills of over 2.4 billion years. So something needed to be done. Goodyear picked up the ball and ran with it, and with a little up-market design help from Mr. Oscar de la Raincoat, they came up with a condom repair kit for pocket or purse! A quick vulcanized hot patch, and your baby barriers are structurally intact again and ready for more action!
Since neeners don't keep lists, anyone who responds to your ping to this thread would have be considered as making a formal request to be removed from your ping list.
Those are the rules. So if you receive any responses to your ping list, please be sure to remove the freeper from your list. Othewise as Lord Protector of the Neener Threads, I will have to do something I really would hate to do. Put you on a Nenner "Black-list". But then if I put you on it, then I would have to put me on it.
For any lurkers out there:
Lists? We ain't got no lists. We don't need no lists. I don't have to show you any stinking lists!
Thank you for your cooperation.
Marlowe
{!} N3
Lord Protector of the Fraternal Order of the Knights of the Eternal Time Table and Grand Advocate for the High Council of the Order of the Eternal Exclamation Point without Asterisk and the Knights who say Neener Neener Neener.
This is the religion forum... and it is lunch time.
This is the religion forum... and it is lunch time.
The best way to have a comment or picture removed is to hit the abuse button below the post. It'll be gone shortly if you do that.
*putting hand up*
Um, sir?
Since I was unaware of the rules of a "Neener Caucus" may I be excused just this one time?
And if I may be permitted a second question, how do you keep track of the spelling, and punctuation of all your favorite FReepers names without using lists?
It's lunch time?
Don't use the lettuce.
/JK
You have to admit it shows Suzuki for what he is.....
Canada's Algore, Canada's Prince Charles.
At least we haven't been shown photos of Gore and Charles like this!
behold double barreled
B L A S P H E M Y !
Dion's 'Top 10' Kyoto excuses
Let Them Eat Tofu!
I'm beginning to think
that the
neener caucus
are the MIB's of FR.
Please set up things with the neighbors so we know when the black copters have taken you away and installed a clone in your place!
He's in better shape than I am!
"neener caucus are the MIB's of FR."
Did we just get insulted?
You are absolved provided you post a good lawyer joke or a bad preacher joke.
And if I may be permitted a second question, how do you keep track of the spelling, and punctuation of all your favorite FReepers names without using lists?
We steal them from other people's lists. We probably can't memorize them because that would be the functional equivalent of listing them in our heads.
Being a Neener is a difficult discipline. But since we don't keep lists, we don't know if anyone is truly a disciple.
Ye shall know them by their shields.
{!}
Was that an insult? If we had a list we could take a poll...
Here's a little something I did for theblog last night.
I don't know.
In order to answer that question I need additional information:
1) What is an MIB?
2) Are we neeners?
My neighbors ARE the MIB.
My husband is a lurker, he'll let you know.
;-)
I take it you missed the Rolling Stone cover.
Someone obviously told Gore to put a sock in it and he must have misunderstood. But since this is a religion thread, it is probably best not to post that picture.
Actually, I think the neener caucus changes with the winds . . .
the winds of pontification and diatribe and truth being in the eye of the beholder.
Wellll!
I should hope to shout that HE'D be ABLE to detect such a clone!
LOL.
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