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I want to know the terms of the guarantee. If it turns out not to be Lourdes water, do I get my sins back or what?

You have to understand. This is part of our outreach to the taste-deprived. Not every one that saith unto me, "NEVER wear stripes with checks,"will enter into the kingdom of heaven, and contrariwise, if I should be admitted to tha blessed realm I expect to see some powder blue double-knit polyester leisure suits made glorious (in some totally unforeseeable way). God loves the fashion deprived too, y'know.

This is part of our outreach to the taste-deprived.

Surely the Catholics have a patron saint for this sort of thing. Someone from the Wiggles, perhaps?

I want to know the terms of the guarantee. If it turns out not to be Lourdes water, do I get my sins back or what?

I want to know why it was necc. to make the Mary figure glow-in-the-dark, and to have her suspended in the Lourdes water. Does she suddenly start glowing, a.k.a. functions like a dosimiter (radiation monitoring device) if the vial springs a leak?

Check out these other fine Lourdes Water Products while you're at it. You can even buy it by the liter! I dunno why, but this reminds me of Vermont maple syrup that you buy in those log cabin-shaped tins. I wonder if you get your deposit back for returning the empty bottle?

Available in ready-mix concentrate and full-strength formulas. Comes with a free sprayer.