Really, it is both. I look at Scripture and see this is how God has operated throughout history. He chose the Israelites, but not the Gentile nations. He chose Abraham. He chose David. He made Jeremiah a prophet from his mother's womb. He came to the Apostles and chose them one by one. He filled John the Baptist with His Spirit from His mother's womb. These were all God's initiation and at times entirely without human interaction at all (Jeremiah and John were not given a choice. They were immediately filled).
You couple this with what we know of man. He is a sinner. Our inclination is to go against God. Man makes up a gazillion (theological term there) religions in order to fill his need for God without submitting to the true God. He makes idols, though the real God has at least revealed something of himself to man. As Romans says, he will not turn to God. As Jesus says, he CAN NOT unless the Spirit draws him. Yet, God isn't standing with his foot on man's neck and saying you can't come. For those who God does not choose to quicken to Himself, he allows them their desire. They love their sin. He lets them go their way. For the ones He does choose, He makes them alive towards His truth and regenerates their hearts so that seeing, they will see, and hearing they will hear, and they will realize who He is.
We don't know who is chosen and who is not. Completely beyond our "pay scale." Our job is to go and tell the world about Christ indiscriminately. We sow seed, the Lord reaps the harvest.
In my own life, I've also experience the sovereignty of God. I was only 9 when I was saved; but, I was still a sinner. I felt His urging me to come to Him. I was given a desire by Him to love Him and serve Him. The saving faith that I experienced was borne in me by the Holy Spirit. And I give Him 100% glory for my salvation and life.
I do work. But not in order that I may be saved. I'm very active in church (teach, musician, drama) and life for my Lord. But not out of a debt I have to pay. Out of gratitude and love towards Him. I sin. I don't want to. But I do. But even in my sin, I am thankful that He forgives and HAS FORGIVEN me once for all. He will not let me go. I can not lose what He has given me for it was all Him. I didn't win my own salvation. I don't keep my own salvation. The Lord Himself is the one who holds me in His hand and his promise is that He will never let me go.
If I did not show works in my life, it would be an indication that I had never been saved in the first place. When the Lord comes into Your life, He changes your "want to." Those who are truly saved will see a change in their lives. Their want to changes. If you see no change, chances are they are not saved (but only God and they know that fact).
You'll probably have more questions. But hopefully I'm following your line of thought and answered what you were asking.
That pretty well answers it. And I tend to agree with you up to the point of - reversing the phrasing - God choosing some for eternal damnation.
This wasn't the case with you or I and I know of none that it was the case for. This is not proof of course. My "proof," outside of Church teaching and doctrine, is God as I know Him. That's the basis of my question.
I would reject your reading of Romans because it describes God quite differently than I know from experience. In Protestant terms, I think I would say the Holy Spirit would not guide me to this reading. (I should add that I read about God as revealed to some OT writers differently than God as revealed in the Gospels.)
I mean this as a discussion of views, not as personal criticism.
thanks for your reply..