[Titanites]

Now there's a private interpretation of 'Bride' if ever I saw one

Actually, his interpretation is in agreement with the dictionary.

I know what a Bride is (and isn't)...

Apparently not. I refer you to dictionary.com :

bride [brahyd]
–noun
a newly married woman or a woman about to be married.

[Iscool]

I refer you to dictionary.com :
bride [brahyd]
–noun
a newly married woman or a woman about to be married.

Your church claims it has been the bride for about 2000 years...That's NOT about to get married...

About to get married is when you're in the church with the exit doors locked and you're starting the walk down the aisle...

And as the bible goes, the wedding will take place in heaven...When we get to heaven, in preparation for the wedding, THEN we can be called the Bride...