Free Republic
Browse · Search
Religion
Topics · Post Article

To: topcat54; Quix; P-Marlowe

So, then.

You are maintaining that Jesus has returned, but that it is "symbolic?"

That makes you a preterist instead of a semi-preterist, doesn't it?


363 posted on 09/04/2006 9:00:52 PM PDT by xzins (Retired Army Chaplain and proud of it! Supporting our troops means praying for them to WIN!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 325 | View Replies ]


To: xzins

You are maintaining that Jesus has returned, but that it is "symbolic?"
= = = = = = =

NO! NO! NO! except when it's Yes. I mean . . . getting it wrong is no help at all to the new papal edicts about the truly truest truth.

Please understand! Jesus did return in say 33.2-33.4 AD.

But He did it out of sight of the MSM and their prying ignorant Bedrock Videocams.

He appeared in 33.2-33.4 AD in POWER AND GLORY but in a very deep cave into the Mt of Olives so that His Power and Glory wouldn't disturb anyone--especially sleeping Calvinists who in the timelessness of Predestination were already sleeping in, above and around the same cave system.

And, after a few brief shining moments in His glorified Body, he graciously agreed to transmorgify into a very tiny little gnome about 3.4" high--SO THAT--He would fit quite comfortably into one of the set of the CONTRARIAN REPLACEMENTARIANS' very tidy, very tiny, very rigid tidy little boxes.

He graciously stayed in said tidy little box in the cave structure under the Mt of Olives until one of The Crusaders from Holland retrieved said tidy little box and took it to Holland and buried it under one of the big dikes closest to the North Sea. It was felt that said location would best insure that the RETURNED-IN-STARTLING-MAJESTY-AND-GLORY JESUS would thereby not upset the preconceived notions so comfortable to the CONTRARIAN REPLACEMENTARIANS.

They really didn't ask Jesus about such goings on but were quite happy that He was so meek and mild and compliant. For a time they were a bit afraid that He would cause the tidy little box He was housed in to float on the North Sea and then begin to do tricks like raise sunken ships; deliver drunken sailors; raise from the dead those washed overboard in that Sea etc.

Thankfully, tiny little gnome Jesus just quietly sat in His tidy little box buried under the dike and calculated the rapidly growing acts of penance the CONTRARIAN REPLACEMENTARIANS were earning second by second for putting Him there and keeping Him there. Of course, He hasn't yet told them of His great fun adding up all such calculations. Rumor has it that He's had to get a super miniturized super computer to hold all the growing numbers.
- - - -
/sar


365 posted on 09/04/2006 9:20:07 PM PDT by Quix (LET GOD ARISE AND HIS ENEMIES BE SCATTERED. LET ISRAEL CALL ON GOD AS THEIRS! & ISLAM FLUSH ITSELF)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 363 | View Replies ]

To: xzins; Dr. Eckleburg; Alex Murphy; Lord_Calvinus; TomSmedley
You are maintaining that Jesus has returned, but that it is "symbolic?"

That makes you a preterist instead of a semi-preterist, doesn't it?

What exactly in any of my posts would lead you to that conclusion. I'm puzzled by your apparent continued misreading of my comments. Have you not read all the places where I emphatically state my belief in a future bodily return of Jesus to resurrect and judge? Or are these statements of yours just a willful attempt to misrepresent my views?

375 posted on 09/05/2006 6:00:03 AM PDT by topcat54
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 363 | View Replies ]

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Religion
Topics · Post Article


FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson