Thoughts on Double Standards and "Being"

Stand Firm ^ | 8/08/2006 | Matt Kennedy

[sionnsar]

...part of the charge of bigotry against the orthodox stems from a widespread assumption on the left that evangelicals/anglo-catholics routinely employ a double standard when it comes to heterosexual versus homosexual behavior. When a gay couple enters through the red doors we all immediately think Romans 1:18-32, 1st Corinthians 6:9 etc… but when a young cohabiting heterosexual couple arrives, biblical injunctions are far from our thoughts. We think, let’s hook them in and get them to join...

---

A few years back an older friend of mine told me that his 22 year old daughter who had just graduated from college was coming to visit.

He was not happy.

His daughter planned to bring her live in boyfriend.

The problem worsened when my friend did the right thing. He offered them separate bedrooms.

The daughter was shocked and said so. She and her boyfriend shared an apartment, a bed, a pet, and, probably, a future. How could her parents reject her relationship? How could they reject and the man that she loved? If they would not relent, she told my friend, she and the boyfriend would cancel the visit.

My friend, again, did the correct but difficult thing. He reaffirmed his earlier offer. They were welcome under his roof, but only in separate bedrooms. Otherwise, they could stay in a hotel at their own expense or stay with friends, but he could not and would not allow them to dishonor God in his home.

This broke my friend’s heart and it nearly destroyed his relationship with his daughter. Perhaps it might have if she and her boyfriend had not broken up themselves a year later, at which point, my friend’s daughter wound up in tears on his doorstep.

This episode was brought to mind recently for two reasons:

First, part of the charge of bigotry against the orthodox stems from a widespread assumption on the left that evangelicals/anglo-catholics routinely employ a double standard when it comes to heterosexual versus homosexual behavior. When a gay couple enters through the red doors we all immediately think Romans 1:18-32, 1st Corinthians 6:9 etc… but when a young cohabiting heterosexual couple arrives, biblical injunctions are far from our thoughts. We think, let’s hook them in and get them to join.

In my limited experience of orthodox parishes, this has not been the case. My friend (above) stood his ground with regard to his daughter’s living arrangement precisely because he had, over a life-time, been well grounded in the scriptures by Episcopal clergymen.

In my parish I preach/teach far more about heterosexual promiscuity and adultery than homosexuality. In fact, I won’t marry a cohabiting couple until they agree to live separately and chastely until the wedding. If moving out proves economically impossible, I require them to move to separate bedrooms and then look me in the eye every week for counseling when I ask them how they are fulfilling their commitment. There are two couples I’ve now married in this way who remain very active members of the congregation.

Moreover, I’ve never seen anything other than evangelistic hospitality offered to guests regardless of apparent lifestyle.

The charge of some sort of double standard, at least as far as my personal experience goes, is simply false.

But, of course, my experience is just my experience and means very little as far as evidence goes.

In a larger sense, whether the charge is true or not, there is always a need for repentance and holiness in the Church. In that regard, the Moderator’s call for holiness in his speech to the Network Council last week was welcome.

If the Network is to prosper we must honor and please God not only in our stand against revisionist heresy, but also in zealous obedience to his law on the diocesan, parish and personal level. That means proclaiming, upholding, following the Word of God in its entirety, not just in our favorite parts.

The second reason my friend’s story came to mind is because it provides yet another illustration of the contemporary western confusion between behavior and being.

The daughter truly thought that her father’s refusal to tolerate her lifestyle was a personal refusal to accept her as a person.

Where did this come from? Many homosexual people feel the same way. Any disapproval, limitation, rejection, or revulsion expressed with regard to what they do is seen as some sort denial of their “full humanity” as if full humanity can only attained through sexual expression.

The assumed existence of an inextricable connection between behavior and ontology baffles me. Is it an existentialist idea…rooted in Foucault or Sartre?

Whatever its intellectual roots, the idea’s spiritual roots are infernal.

The gospel assures us that the Father loves us and sent his Son to save us despite our actions, not because of them. Our value and worth lies primarily in the fact that we are created beings and it is, on that basis, established before we do anything good or bad.

[sionnsar]

Traditional Anglican ping, continued in memory of its founder Arlin Adams.

FReepmail sionnsar if you want on or off this moderately high-volume ping list (typically 3-9 pings/day).
This list is pinged by sionnsar, Huber and newheart.

Resource for Traditional Anglicans: http://trad-anglican.faithweb.com
More Anglican articles here.

Humor: The Anglican Blue (by Huber)

Speak the truth in love. Eph 4:15

[Huber]

What a wonderful lesson!

[starfish923]

Excellent article.

The daugther seemed to equate their shacking up with other behavior, such as taking the car without permission or something.

Dad reminded her of the absolutes of Christianity: morality and imperatives.
Besides, for marriage, love isn't enough.

There's no double standard there at all about homosexual - heterosexual shacking up. Those who think so haven't been paying attention.

[Kolokotronis]

"There's no double standard there at all about homosexual - heterosexual shacking up. Those who think so haven't been paying attention."

Certainly not in our Greek Orthodox parish. I am unaware of any cohabiting gay couples, but I know of several cohabiting heterosexual couples. The priest refuses them communion and has refused to marry a couple of them until they come to confession, meet with him regularly and live apart and chaste for at least 90 days. In one instance this caused an outburst at communion time, but the couple and their family came around after a while. The same standards (no sacraments) apply to people who married outside the Church or who have divorced and remarried without an ecclesiastical divorce.

[sionnsar]

The same standards (no sacraments) apply to people who married outside the Church or who have divorced and remarried without an ecclesiastical divorce.

What is defined as "the Church" here, K? Does it include Anglican, Catholic, and/or Protestant churches?

[Tax-chick]

Excellent points from the author.

[Kolokotronis]

" What is defined as "the Church" here, K? Does it include Anglican, Catholic, and/or Protestant churches?"

I was refering to Orthodox people who marry outside the Orthodox Church. The GOA recognizes Roman Catholic marriages so if a Roman Catholic couple converts to Orthodoxy there is no need for a new marriage in the Orthodox Church. But if an Orthodox person marries in the Latin Church, they cannot receive the sacraments in the Orthodox Church. I don't know about Anglicans and with Protestants the marriage is not recognized so when they convert, they need to get married again.

[Martin Tell]

I don't know about Anglicans and with Protestants the marriage is not recognized so when they convert, they need to get married again.

Interesting. This is not the case in my Antiochian Orthodox parish. My wife and I were married in an Episcopal Church, but there was no inquiry where we were married or even if it was a church ceremony.

I have not seen any "remarriage" ceremonies in the parish. Maybe that's because we are 95% converts (not counting the children).

[Kolokotronis]

Now that's interesting. We have a substantial number of converts from Protestantism and they all have been remarried in the Church. As recently as 20 years ago, the GOA required it for Catholics too. We have some converts from Episcopalianism. I'll ask them Sunday what they did. Bottom line is that I suspect each jurisdiction has its own rules on this question.