Empty Pews: Where Did All The Men Go? Gender Gap Threatens Churches' Future

Washington Post ^ | June 10, 2006 | Kristen Campbell and Adelle M. Banks

[hiho hiho]

"We don't have to have hand-to-hand combat during the worship service to get men there," Murrow said. "We just have to start speaking [their language], use the metaphors they understand and create an environment that feels masculine to them."

"My background is in marketing and advertising, and one day I was sitting in church, and all of a sudden it dawned on me that the target audience of almost everything about church culture was a 50- to 55-year-old woman," said Murrow, a Presbyterian elder who's now a member of a nondenominational congregation in Anchorage.

The gender gap is not a distinctly American one but it is a Christian one, according to Murrow. The theology and practices of Judaism, Buddhism and Islam offer "uniquely masculine" experiences for men, he said.

Concern about the perceived femininization of Christianity-- and the subsequent backlash-- is nothing new.

"These guys have really come out because it's something they can do," Hale said. "They feel like they've made a contribution. . . . I think men like to do things that they feel comfortable doing."

Yet come Sunday morning, "we're going to sing love songs to Jesus and there's going to be fresh flowers on the altar and quilted banners on the walls," Murrow said.

Men aren't the only ones alienated by such an environment. According to Murrow, young people aren't that keen on it either. Both groups are challenge-oriented and appreciate risk, adventure, variety, pleasure and reward-- values some churches "ignore or vilify," according to Murrow.

Churches have to help men and women use their gifts, not just fit them into old religious molds, Murrow said.

[RobbyS]

My wife's former pastor was a "real guy" and brought in lots of other guys. H e was a golfer etc. The new one is a woman, BUT her father, a retired minister, had served as asst, minister and still does. Homefully, the congrehation will not fall off. Time will tell.

[Rytwyng]

The fact that more women than men attend church is telling a spiritual truth

More women attend, but in my experience a higher percentage of women seem to be attending for the wrong reasons.

[Rca2000]

Once again, this phenomenon can be summed up easily::

"It's all part of the big plan".

That says it ALL!!

[Agrarian]

Part of the reason why we don't have this problem is that men are held responsible for the conduct of the services. Only men may be ordained even to the lowest order of "reader," and only boys may be altar servers and go into the altar (other than a few highly specialized and unusual situations.)

Since the prayers, psalm and Scripture reading, etc. are pretty much all assigned in our service books to a reader, deacon, priest, or bishop, there is very little that women should be doing in the conduct of the services other than singing in the choir -- unless there aren't any men available to do these things.

Not all Orthodox parishes follow all of this as strictly as should be -- but it is a necessary counterweight of the natural inclination of men to turn church over to the women so they can stay home and watch football. The men just have to rise to the occasion. I am constantly looking and grooming men, young and old, to assist in the services.

To tell the truth, women seem (as MT says) to rest comfortably in male leadership. They run the parish in all of the important ways (social outreach, meals, telling their husbands what to do once they get home), but in church, it is a male thing. The key is that service in the church is *service* -- it is not something one *gets* to do, but rather something one has the responsibility to do, and *has* to do.

The Calvinist church of my childhood was like this, but it has since been lost. The other non-Orthodox parish that really got it right was my continuing Anglican parish that I attended for a couple of years, prior to becoming Orthodox. Every able-bodied man was required to actively participate in the services. About 5 of us with the most liturgical knowledge and aptitude were lectors/subdeacons, and assisted at the altar. All the boys were required to serve in the altar. All other men were required to act as ushers on a rotating basis -- there was no "asking" about it. It was treated as a solemn responsibility that you were required to do, as a male, if you wanted to attend the parish. We had absolutely no problems with male attendance in that parish, nor do we have problems with male attendance in Orthodox parishes that are run properly.

Once service in the Church becomes a "pink-collar" profession -- it is a self-fulfilling prophecy that no man will want to serve in it. Unless he likes wearing pink collars, which is quite another issue...

[Dr. Eckleburg]

Once service in the Church becomes a "pink-collar" profession -- it is a self-fulfilling prophecy that no man will want to serve in it. Unless he likes wearing pink collars, which is quite another issue...

Amen.

[lastchance]

I think your church has hit on something very important and too often forgotten. Men are active, they are doers. Give them a project to plan and complete and implement and they are quite happy. Could be as varied as repairing the church roof or making new baby welcome baskets for the crisis pregnancy center. But guys want to get their hands dirty. A wise pastor knows this and will put his men to work.

[.30Carbine]

Thank you for the ping to this interesting subject. There was a similar discussion not all that long ago on FR; ended up being a nice long thread, too!

My Southern Baptist church currently has a 30ish pastor who is very gifted at reaching and raising up men. (This is a direct answer to prayer!) It seems to me that many pastors preach sermons designed for women because the majority in the pews are women: not this pastor, amen. I believe he understands that without reaching the men the homes (marriages, children, churches) are lost. Our men's Bible study class is reading through The Man in the Mirror. (We have a separate class for women: this makes sense.) My pastor is active in the community and available for one on one time when he is needed; I think men appreciate that. Our men have gone on golf outings and hold a Saturday breakfast and prayer meeting once a month: hallelujah! My pastor is a Type A personality, keeps a military workout, fitness level and haircut, and yet is so tender with his wife it has moved me to tears. He is authentic. Whatever my pastor is doing it is working: our church is being filled up with men and with whole families. This is so refreshing and encouraging!

Two resources come to mind:

(This author was on MBN's Midday Connection on Tuesday.)

[murphE]

Part of the reason why we don't have this problem is that men are held responsible for the conduct of the services. Only men may be ordained even to the lowest order of "reader," and only boys may be altar servers and go into the altar

This is the same in traditional Roman Catholic chapels (at least the SSPX) and the chapels are filled with men as well.

[jer33 3]

Thanks for the ping. I attend a large Southern Baptist church. We have a gender-balanced membership and have a high number of men participating in leadership. We have a men's ministry which coordinates Saturday morning men's breakfast meeting, local and overseas missions projects, sports events, etc.

I did recently move to a new Sunday school class in our singles ministry because there were no women in my old one. I do find that the men are attracted to the classes that offer more in-depth bible studies where discussion is permitted during class time. I, too, enjoy this type of learning situation --even being a woman: -)

[Agrarian]

I attended a weekday evening mass out of curiosity during my Anglican days at a SSPX parish in San Antonio. I chatted with the young priest for quite a while afterwards in his rectory. I was favorably impressed with the seriousness of the people there and the atmosphere, compared to anything I had before seen in "regular" Catholicism.

In one sense, the SSPX is farther away from Orthodoxy than is Vat II Catholicism because the latter has made so many compromises to try to achieve union with us. But this is deceptive, since it is not so much saying that it has changed to be in agreement with us as it is to saying that differences don't matter.

But in the sense of praxis, the SSPX, from my limited experience, has a liturgical sense that is much closer to Orthodoxy.

And I did notice the many men there -- it was about 50-50, unlike most Catholic parishes, where men in my experience are a distinct minority.

[RochesterFan]

You put enough ranch dressing on a piece of venison and it will taste like a vegetable.

ROTFLOL; That made my day!

[gobucks]

Indeed - good suggestions.

I would also offer another book:

Future Men.

[gobucks]

ping to #92, fyi...

[Mrs. Darla Ruth Schwerin]

You are quite right about that. But that is only because the men in their lives have opted out of their own obligation. That forces women into a mold they were not designed to fit into. Women are forced into a role, that men, by their very nature were designed by God to carry out. This would mess things up tremendously...

[Rytwyng]

That forces women into a mold they were not designed to fit into. Women are forced into a role, that men, by their very nature were designed by God to carry out.

Guess I should have been more clear on the "wrong reasons" women are in church, as you have assumed something I didn't mean. I didn't mean that at all, in fact I think it's been way overblown by the slanders of Elizabeth Elliot, et al.

By wrong reasons, I mean that the feminized/romanticized phromena of Western Christianity has created a situation where "Jesus is my boyfriend" to a lot of "churchy" women, as noted earlier in the thread and in the article:

if that's the punch line of the Gospel, then you're going to have a lot more women than men taking you up on your offer because women are interested in a personal relationship with a man who loves you unconditionally. Men, generally, are not.

I've even heard women say things like that in person, and teach that "all of your relationship needs should be met by God". If women buy into this - and many do -- they will be worshipping an imaginary "Jesus the Perfect Boyfriend" rather than the real LORD Jesus. I will not pass judgement on the soteriological consequences of this false "eros-faith", but I do note that the behavioral consequences of it are not consistent with a geniune relationship with God. (By their fruits....)

Also, women with this "Jesus is my boyfriend" mentality typically insulate themselves from earthly romance (sometimes under the pretext of "I don't believe in dating", but that's not the core reason as they won't allow themselves to be courted either!) One way or another, this mentality renders them unmarriageable... to their own hurt, and to that of the Christian men they should have married.

[Rytwyng]

ping to previous post

[Mrs. Darla Ruth Schwerin]

I did not write the fourth paragraph, so that part I do not claim.

However, I will respond to the rest. I totally agree with you regarding the false premise some women attend church on. I did not misunderstand your point at all. All my reasons as stated earlier, still apply. I realize that I am, "walking on eggs" with my post, as many men do not like to hear how they have opted out of their responsibility as the, "Spiritual Leader" which is all-encompassing and creates a huge vaccuum in women. Aside from the men themselves, preachers are at fault. For they have not done their job by letting the male congregants know this on a continual and consistent basis, in the form of sermons, etc. Some say thus and such, on occasion, but that's just whistling to the wind, as it goes in one ear and quickly out the other. The very best example I have seen, comes from Black Preachers. As there is a high percentage of Black men leaving their women to hang on a wing and a prayer, and raise the 3 children while having to work for 3cents an hour, 18 hours a day. It is ONLY necessity that has brought this truth to the pulpit...

BTW, Elizabeth Elliot simply states a truth that many men do not want to hear because it makes them extremely uncomfortable. But it simply is not the fault of women that men choose to opt out of God-given responsibilities...

[ItsOurTimeNow]

Can't say as I've seen this in our Reformed church, we men are the deacons, elders, and decision-makers.

In our previous American Baptist/Sunday Pot-luck/Extremely Liberal Theology church, it was the opposite, and the women outnumbered the men 4-1.

When the Truth is preached unapologetically, the Lord blesses. When the preaching is weak and shallow, strife abounds.

[Rytwyng]

many men do not like to hear how they have opted out of their responsibility as the, "Spiritual Leader" which is all-encompassing and creates a huge vaccuum in women.

Especially when, as in my case (and most of my friends), it is simply not true. Everyone resents slander.

... BTW, Elizabeth Elliot simply states a truth that many men do not want to hear because it makes them extremely uncomfortable.

Or it offends them deeply because they KNOW they've done their duty, yet EE and her disciplettes blame them (and never themselves) for the collapse of public virtue in society at large -- as if all that could have been done (short of armed rebellion) hadn't already been done. "'Tis not in men to command success."

But it simply is not the fault of women that men choose to opt out of God-

It simply IS the fault of Christian women that they often prefer jerks over the good Godly men that they always SAY they want. How much rejection can men take? The only reason I held on in the church world DESPITE the fact that ecclesial femininization made it a very uncomfortable place for me, and DESPITE the fact that nonbeliever women recognized my value while Christian women turned up their noses at me as if I were stale dog food, is because I'd had personal encounters with God that were so strong that NOTHING could chase me away. Even so, it was a near thing.

Despite the obstacles thrown in my way by Elliot, Josh Harris, St. Bernard of Clairvaux, etc, I managed to get married, eventually, anyway. It's my 4th anniversary today. And since I was a virgin til my wedding night (at age 38), you'll understand if I cut this post short. I am STILL making up for lost time....The kids are asleep, and I'm signing off...

Good night.

[Mrs. Darla Ruth Schwerin]

That is your choice to make. If you choose to be offended by the truth, oh well. As another has said, God takes full responsibility for all hurt feelings and demolished self-esteem. God's truths are not meant to be fuzzy-wuzzy declarations of, you can accept them if you like, then discard the ones you don't like. The 10 Commandments are exactly that. They are commands, not suggestions, or rules to be ignored when convenient...