"It's possible there are some goofy Orthodox parishes. But I have never found one."
I have! And they are goofy usually for one of two reasons. First, because they are more ethnic clubs than parishes of The One Church and second, because they are made up of converts, usually from Protestantism, they are simply a bunch of Protestantants playing at Orthodox forms. In fact, the latter has so infected elements of the Orthodox Church here that the SCOBA approved "Sunday School" curriculum is nothing more than a sola scriptura, every man a pope mess! I don't blame the converts; I blame the hierarchs that allow these parishes to exist without proper oversight.
I do think that the Latin Church in this country has rather seriously gone off the rails, but trust me, Orthodoxy isn't even remotely immune from whackiness!
I heard from an Orthodox gentleman I know (former ELCA) that one of the Parishes in Boston has a goofy reputation....it would seem that in the Orthodoxy Parishes goofiness depends on the Priest while in Catholic Parishes Goofiness depends on the Nuns.