First Day...
I'd fillet Fellay
I'd give a faithful Irish Catholic from Southie five minutes to use a shillelagh on Schillebeeckx and see if Schille is silly or serious once the heat is on.
I'd let a cranky Catholic campesino tie a plow to the sorry ass of "Liberation Theology" toss-pot, Fr. Gustavo Gutiérrez,and make him turn-over 15 acres while Ol' G.G. sings "L'Internationale" in pig Latin and all the Catholic kids get to pelt him with rotten tomatoes (provided, for free, by Hugo Chavez)
I'd send Fr. Robert Nugent to a Dude Ranch on Brokeback Mountain telling him Popes don't let their cowboys grow-up to be boyfriends and that unless he repents, and I mean Pronto, Tonto, he's just another goat playing grab-ass with Satan .
VOTF would be given the Phone number to the local Episcopalian Church and told to bugger-off
Then, I 'd break for 6:00 am Mass
:)))