This one's good, one of my favorites,
A... A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxidriver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of
Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
I want to die peacefully and in my sleep... like my father.
Not screaming in panic and fear... like his passengers.
Two crocadiles were sunning themselves on the banks of the bayou. One says to the other, "wow, do you look good. You must be eating well, how do you do it?" He replies, "I found this great eating place over yonder by that office building. I just lie under a car until the right one comes along and zap, lunch." "Come on I'll show you." So over to the office parking lot they go and out of the building comes a middle age man and zap the croc grabs him and eats him. "Boy that grate" the first croc says, "let me try it". Just then two fat well dressed men in wing tip loafers come out. The croc says "I'll grab them, they look good". The other croc says "don't waste your time". "They are lawyers and after you clean all the cr-p out of them there is nothing left to eat".
The HMO administrator was trying to get in. He argued & argued; finally SP said OK but only for 3 days.