"In "the old countries," celibacy outside of monastic settings is relatively uncommon."
Traditionally, this is true, but I have noticed over the past 15 years or so that it is becoming more common with people in their thirties being unmarried. Frankly they seem a bit sad and there is definite pressure to get married. It is more common among professional people than otherwise and there is a certain deperation among most of them after they hit, say, 30+. Monasticism is still considered a viable option for these people. I saw this in my own family over there but we've got all but two of them married off now, and one of those became a nun. :)
"So yes, there is definitely some pressure to marry, primarily because of acknowledging how difficult it is to live a chaste life outside of marriage or monasticism. In practice the expectations come from families and the old match-making women."
And match-making old men? :) Contrary to popular Western belief, sometimes such matchmaking is a good thing. Older, married people have the knowledge to spot a good match in terms of compatible personalities/mindsets, family backgrounds, and here, religious belief. Lets face it, being married is better than not being married, at least for those of us not headed for a monastery and a good spouse who brings strengths to the marriage which might be lacking in the other party helps in making for a good family and married life. In our community this sort of thing goes on almost continually and there is a great prayer component in all of it.
"Contrary to popular Western belief, sometimes such matchmaking is a good thing. Older, married people have the knowledge to spot a good match in terms of compatible personalities/mindsets, family backgrounds, and here, religious belief."
Absolutely. Matchmaking only had a bad reputation in the world where I grew up. The idea of interfering with someone finding "the one" to fall in love with was considered to be a bad one, one that was only resorted to for the truly desperate.
After becoming Orthodox, I have been exposed to an entirely different world, where matchmaking women (and yes, old men, too!) play a wonderfully constructive role. What is interesting is the extent to which I have observed that Orthodox young people listen to and take seriously such advice and guidance. I wouldn't have put up with it for a minute. I was blessed with a wonderful marriage that crossed the 20 year mark last year, so I got by with "picking my own." But even there, it was interesting to learn in recent years that my wife's mother warned her off from two seemingly good matches before I came along -- and she listened, thank God. (I owe my MIL big time!) So there was a little matchmaking involved there, at least in a negative sense...
"Lets face it, being married is better than not being married, at least for those of us not headed for a monastery and a good spouse who brings strengths to the marriage which might be lacking in the other party helps in making for a good family and married life."
Yup, and yup.
"In our community this sort of thing goes on almost continually and there is a great prayer component in all of it."
We are a smaller community, so there isn't as much opportunity, but it definitely goes on. Every young person who brings home someone from college definitely knows that their girlfriend or boyfriend has not only to pass the family test, but also the church family test...