Posted on 03/04/2005 4:15:27 PM PST by kosta50
Note: this is a continuation of the previous post under the same title in which the malady of anger and resentment was outlined, and Part 2 offers the first step in the healing process.
4. Forgiveness
Having looked at the malady of anger, judgment, and resentment, let's go on to look at the cure. What are we to do to be freed of this sickness?
Our Lord Jesus Christ tells us clearly: Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. And to him who smites you on the one cheek, offer also the other (Luke 6:27–29).
Rather than resenting those who wrong us, we are to love them, and we express this love by blessing them and praying for them. We do this because we are commanded to do so by Christ [my emphasis]. He has commanded this for our own sake, for our own salvation, because He loves us; and we do it for His sake, because we love Him.
Our fallen nature rebels against this: "What? Bless and pray for that person who wronged me?" But for Christ's sake, we go against our fallen nature, and force ourselves to pray. [my emphasis] We ask God to bless and have mercy on the person who hurt us, we wish good things for him, we wish his salvation, just as our Lord wishes his salvation. In this way we begin to become like God Himself, Who, according to the words of Christ, is kind to the unthankful and the evil (Luke 6:35). In going against our fallen nature, we return to our original nature—the image of God in us—and we grow in the likeness of God. [my emphasis]
Abba Dorotheus, a Desert Father of the sixth century, says that we can be healed of the sickness of resentment "by prayer right from the heart for the one who has annoyed us. We can pray such words as, ‘O God, help my brother, and me through his prayers.'" "In this," says Abba Dorotheus, "we are interceding for our brother, which is a sure sign of sympathy and love, and we are humiliating ourselves by asking help through our brother's prayers. [7]
When we continually force ourselves to bless and pray for others in this way, we will find that our Lord Jesus Christ will change, renew, and refresh our hearts. It may take some time and persistence, but gradually, almost imperceptibly, we will be changed. The poison of resentment, by the Grace of Christ, will leave our system.
Again our Lord has told us: Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you shall be forgiven (Luke 6:37).
The cure for anger, judgment, and resentment is forgiveness, pure and simple. No matter what terrible afflictions and unspeakable injustices have befallen us, we can be free of their negative effects on us through forgiveness.
I once asked a Romanian Orthodox priest named Fr. George Calciu about this. For twenty-one years he had been locked in Communist prisons, where he had endured the most unimaginable horrors ever perpetrated by human beings. And yet when I met him here in America, he was happy, joyful, like a child, totally free of any negative effects of this torture on his soul. He had found the secret of forgiveness. I asked him, "How can people overcome judgment?" He looked at me, almost with astonishment, and answered, "It's simple. Just don't judge!"
It's truly simple. But we must keep in mind that we can't do it on our own: We need God's help [my emphasis] to heal our fallen, wounded nature, to humble our pride. Therefore, as we pray for those who have hurt us, we should pray that God will help us to forgive [my emphasis], that He will soften our hard hearts, warm our cold hearts, and grant us a loving, merciful, and forgiving spirit.
Elder Sampson (Seivers) of Russia, who reposed in 1979, was a man well-equipped to speak on the subject of forgiveness. As a young novice monk, he was arrested by the Communist authorities, shot in a mass execution, and thrown into a common grave. By Divine Providence he survived the shooting, and was pulled out of the grave still breathing by his brother monks and nursed back to health. Later he was arrested again and spent nearly twenty years in Communist concentration camps. But he never held onto bitterness and resentment: He completely forgave both his executioners and his torturers. In his later years, when he was serving as a spiritual father to many people, he was especially tough when his spiritual children refused to forgive someone, even for some petty annoyance. He said: "I've always concluded: this means that they still have not gotten the point, that the whole secret, that all the salt of Christianity lies in this: to forgive, to excuse, to justify, not to know, not to remember evil.
"The Holy Fathers are the children of the Grace of the Holy Spirit. The result of this action of Grace is when the heart excuses. It loves, it can speak well of someone and pray for him. It does not remember offense or evil.
"Therefore," said Elder Sampson, "it is impossible to forgive and not excuse. [my emphasis] This is a psychological fact. The heart is made this way. It was not the brain, not the nervous system—as science attempts to teach, and the psychiatrists especially—but it was the heart that was made this way by God. It is called a Christian heart. It excuses, it does everything possible in order to justify and excuse. Isn't that so?! That is a Christian quality!
"The pagan or the Moslem does not know about this ... the action of the Grace of the Holy Spirit.... Try telling a Moslem to justify and excuse, to love his enemy. He will kill you.
Once Elder Sampson was asked, "What can an angry person do?" He replied, "He must pray and pray for healing. For the sake of his faith, for the sake of his insistence, the Lord will change his heart."
[To be continued ...]
Please ping others.
A ping to you, my Anglican friend!
"If the Emperor had laid down a law that all those who were enemies should be reconciled to one another, or have their heads cut off, should we not every one make haste to a reconciliation with his neighbor? Yes, truly, I think so! What excuse then have we, in not ascribing the same honor to the Lord that we should do to those who are our fellow servants? For this reason we are commanded to say, "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors" (Matt. 6:12).
What can be more mild, what more merciful, than this precept! He has made you a judge of the pardon of your own offenses! If you forgive few things, He forgives you few! If you forgive many things, He forgives you many! If you pardon from the heart, and sincerely, God in like manner also pardons you...
Do not tell me, "I have besought him many times , I have entreated, I have supplicated, but I have not effected a reconciliation." Never desist till you have reconciled him. For He said not, "Leave your gift, and go your way". Although you may have made many entreaties, yet you must not desist until you have persuaded. God entreats us every day, and we do not hear; yet He does not cease entreating. And do not then disdain to entreat your fellow-servant. How is it then possible for you ever to be saved? In proportion as the good work is accomplished with greater difficulty, and the reconciliation is one of much labor, so much the greater will be the judgment on him, and so much the brighter will be the crowns of victory for your forbearance." St. John Chrysostom
Isn't that awsome?
We are taught that we must forgive so that our own transgressions may be forgiven as we advance in theosis
Precisely. The more we defeat our fallen nature, the closer we are in theosis.
We should wish his salvation, rather that what this world considers good things; just as we should prefer our own salvation to the goods of this world. Leaving a criminal free to rape, rob, and murder does not lead him to salvation.
But we must keep in mind that we can't do it on our own: We need God's help [my emphasis] to heal our fallen, wounded nature, to humble our pride.
Pope John Paul II meeting with Mehmet Ali Acga in prison, and offering his forgiveness, is exemplary of this.
It's a tremendous challenge. Christ, dying on the Cross, saying "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do" is the same Christ who challenges us to forgive Seventy times seven times ...
" Isn't that awsome?"
We don't call him "Chrysostomos" for nothing!
" It's a tremendous challenge."
Theosis is like that for most of us. That Ladder becomes very steep, the higher we climb.
Thanks for Part 2! Yes, if Jesus could hang on a cross and forgive us, then surely we can forgive whatever is done to us. So often our resentments and angers are over such small things...our pride is hurt, or we are afraid we won't get what we want. I notice that when I pray to lose my resentment, sometimes my ego fights back, saying it doesn't want to forgive the other person. I had a good friend who would say this about hanging on to resentment and anger: "Why are you letting someone else live in your head rent-free?" There truly is no peace to be had when we do that!
Tomorrow, I am going to visit an Orthodox church...what should I expect to do with my kids? I am not at all certain of my kids' ability to stand respectfully for an hour and a half. One is six and the other is seven (and high-functioning autistic).
True observation that describes everyone, I am sure, to a greater or lesser degree. The pride ("ego") and resentment goe together.
There is indeed increidble peace in forgiving.
Please share your experience with us -- privately or publicly.
I am not at all certain of my kids' ability to stand respectfully for an hour and a half
Some Orthodox churches in America have pews, an aberration that has its reasons and history of recent date, and that many of the churches are reversing. Some churches have folding chairs that are not always used. Depending on where you will be, you may or may not have to stand. Traditional churches, such as Russian or Serbian almost never have pews, except those buildings there were acquired from another denomination.
In all Orthodox churches there are seats for the old, sick and the weak, along the walls. People always bring their children to the Divine Liturgy. It is customary to take the children out if they are disrupting the service. In some churches there are special "daycare" rooms where the children can play under supervision.
But, for the most part, children behave. Some sit on the floor. They too understand that this is not just another "adult thing" and that there is something special, so they are fascinated with candles, incense, the singing.
Agrarian explains is the best when he says that standing is a form of fasting, self denial, respect, love. We are in the physical presence of God (literally speaking), which is an awesome and humbling experience. I couldn't imagine sitting.
My husband poses the bigger problem...he said he doesn't want the kids exposed to Orthodox Christianity until he "knows what it is." He comes from a fundamentalist Protestant background - the Church of God. As far from liturgical faith as you can get. We are still going--we haven't been attending any church, and I want my children to have a strong faith tradition in which to grow their roots.
And how is he going to find out?
I told him to get on the internet and read about it. Having spent years as a deacon in ECUSA, my education in liturgical traditions is deeper than his, even though he is an ordained minister in the Church of God. To me, it is obvious that the Orthodox Church is exactly what its name says it is...I am not sure from whence his suspicions come. I suspect they have more to do with his current feelings about me than about the Orthodox Church.
But having gone to churches with and without pews, both, I can make a few suggestions for taking kids to a church with pews. First, although Orthodox Christians have a tendency to drag in late to the services, come a few minutes early so you can pick a good spot to sit/stand. If your children are really little, and you think they won't be able to make it through a long service without misbehaving, I think a great place to be is along the side but far enough up for them to be able to see well. That way you can make an exit, but they can still see. If you're pretty confident that they can make it through, then on the inside aisle is even better, since they can see even better. We always found that our kids behaved better when we were up closer where they could see than when we were way in back. Just do what feels comfortable, though.
I totally agree with Kosta that if a child is misbehaving to the point of disrupting people's attention, the parents should take them out for a bit, and then come back in when things are under control. But don't be too quick to take them out. We are used to kids being there, and no-one expects them to be adults. We're used to the occasional crash, wail, toddler blabber, etc... This is the children's home -- they are expected not to disrupt the services, but we want them to get used to being there. There are some churches where kids come in late after Sunday School, or leave early for Sunday School, but this is really not the Orthodox tradition.
Every child is different. With our older two, they hardly ever left the nave. With our youngest, it seems that I spent 3/4 of the service outside letting him toddle and babble, listening to the service through the open windows! It took *years* before we could get that one through an entire Liturgy without having to go out because of misbehavior...
You may be surprised at what "grabs" you and your husband. He may love the liturgy more than he realizes, and you may find that something else draws you.
For someone from a Pentecostal or charismatic background, one of the things that often really resonates about the Orthodox Church is that we have a very acute awareness of spiritual warfare that really these days is only approximated by Pentecostals and charismatics. The whole unseen world is very real to us. We are very aware and very forthright about our recognition that the demons do exist, and that they are there working their evil in the world, tempting us, attempting to deceive us, and wanting to hurt us in one way or another. We are also very aware of our guardian angels.
Before we baptize someone, not only do we exorcise the person being baptized, we even exorcize the water.
We don't think, talk, or teach demonology, though -- we are rather taught how to avoid them, and how to avoid deception, and we are given the tools -- the Mysteries/sacraments, making the sign of the Cross of Christ, prayer... -- on how to deal with that world and remain safe. C.S. Lewis once described our existence on earth as "living in occupied territory," and there is a lot of truth to that.
As soon as we move into a new home, a priest comes to our home and blesses it, and then it is blessed every year at Theophany. And believe me, we feel the difference when it is done each time!
Being hesitant about entering an Orthodox Church isn't uncommon. I think that anyone with spiritual sensibilities knows that they are entering a place that is "all business," and that they had better be ready for something to happen to them. If your husband is Church of God, he probably is serious and has spiritual sensibilities.
I hope you do go, and let me echo kosta's request to have you let us know how it went, either privately or otherwise. Our prayers are with you.
Thank you for your kind reply. My kids are 6, 7 and 10. The 10 year old is from a prior marriage, and sings every Sunday at his Episcopal church (pretty high church, so he loves the liturgy). The 7 year old, Max, is high-functioning autistic and very spiritual. I am hoping that the spiritual atmosphere will catch his attention. The youngest is a conundrum so far. We will see. It helps to know that a little bit of being children is ok. I will certainly let you all know what I think and how it goes.
Some of my fondest memories are of one of our old Russian parishes. There was an old Russian babushka (grandmother) there who, when children were misbehaving, would shake her cane and them and scold "NO PLAY!" The children would be chastened by her into silence standing in one place.
Then, immediately after the service, they would all crowd around where she sat in the narthex, kissing and hugging her while she dispensed pieces of candy, kisses, and pats on the head.
Being a Serb, I can perfectly relate to that! :-) It's always that emphasis on a loving correction!
Thank you Agrarian for expanding, as usual, and making some of our statements more vivid and clear regarding pharmamom's first visit and advice regarding children.
The question of which Orthodox church has not been raised. For those who are Orthodox, it really doesn't matter because we know the Divine Liturgy, so even if it is sung in a foreign language we know what is going on. But to someone who is accustomed to being in an English-speaking church and then coming into a church where the majority of parishioners is Greek or Slavic or Arabic, the experience may be a bit puzzling. So, I hope the church you will go to is in English, or at least a mix of English and another language. I am biased -- I like the intonations of the Slavonic Liturgy (it's a 9th century Slavic dialect spoken by Southern Slavs that was elevated to a liturgical status by Greek brothers SS Cyril and Methodius), because I understand it. Having said that, I have been to Greek churches and even a church in Japan and had the same experience as in any Russian, Bulgarian, Urkainian or Serbian church.
One thing Agrarian wrote that is absolutely and undeniably true is that when we walk into our church, we come home. We kiss the Host and (Serbs at least) kiss each and every candle we light for our living and the dead. And, the church is our children's home too. They receive Eucharist as we do.
Please, do not feel awkward when you walk it. People will not judge you. If you don't know what you are supposed to do, it's okay. After the Divine Liturgy, people may approach you and welcome you. If you have questions, ask. We don't proselytize, but we will readily talk to those who are interested. :-)
Our prayers are with you.
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