I'm sorry if my attempts to make an explanation toward the article come across as "arrogant mumbo jumbo". I don't mean to demean you. You certainly aren't a "chucklehead" if you don't understand. In fact, I was once in your shoes myself and totally failed to understand. In fact, I was happy to stand back and mock.
What I am trying to say is, God's Plan of Salvation is very simple and pretty straightforward. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand it - only the common human understanding available to most of us, despite our varied intellectual capacities, cultures and backgrounds.
Boiled down, it is this:
...man is a sinner by nature, all of us, no exception
...we are unable to overcome our sin nature by our own efforts
...Still, God loves us anyhow (now, there's a mystery), much like we still love our own wayward children
...God, being sinless, cannot put up with sin in his presence
...God is just, but the only acceptable just penalty for sin is "death"
...so, rather than give us the penalty we richly deserve (death), God has provided someone else to stand in our individual places and take on our death sentence - Jesus
...Jesus is God come to earth in the flesh in human form, yet without sin, which makes him the "perfect" sacrifice to take our sin on Himself which is done through His death on the Cross
...Jesus is resurrected from death as "proof" He is God and now intercedes on our behalf
...if we accept His free gift by His assuming the just death penalty for our sins, we are then forgiven for them - yesterday, today, forever - and become adopted sons (or daughters), fit for fellowship with God in Heaven.
...the downside is, those who refuse to accept the free gift of Jesus must ultimately pay their own penalty on their own behalf - death and eternal separation from God
It's oddly simple and is meant to be easy to understand, but quite profound in concept (and will always be a bit of a mystery). The above brief words don't do it anything like complete justice. The Bible takes hundreds of pages and many centuries of history to play out this tableau into our experience so we can understand what is going on. In the end, it is up to us to either accept it or reject it. We are free to do either.
For a bit longer version of the explanation without reading the entire Bible, I would direct you to the Gospel of John and then read the Book of Romans, both New Testament. Neither takes that long to read.
I hope this clears it up.
Very succint truth.