"I visited the link briefly enough to see that it constituted a textual criticism."
In other words, you didn't read far enough to discover that it addresses your question.
"the least you can do is admit that you have no basis to read Genesis figuratively other than "I feel like it".
Oh, give me a break. You can't seriously believe that the reputable theologians who read Genesis as an allegory have no defensible reasons to do so.
That, my friend, in an oxymoron.
Still waiting to hear YOUR reasons for reading Genesis as an allegory.