Dear Bud MacFarlane:
I’ve been receiving your Catholicity e-mail for several years. When my husband and I first met, and I told him I was considering signing up for RCIA, if I could find the courage to tell my father (Southern Baptist), he lent me Pierced By A Sword. It didn’t influence my decision to join the Church, but it did help me find my courage. Telling my father went much better than I had expected – he told me that if that’s what I felt God was calling me to do, then I should do it. So my relationship with Catholicity actually predates my relationship with the Church. When I went to make my first Confession (30 years of mortal sin since my Baptism) I played the Confession tape in my car several times before I had the courage to go in. I’ve placed a lot of trust in the Mary Foundation all along.
I was obviously devastated to read of your intent to divorce your wife. Perhaps as a fairly new Catholic (received at Easter Vigil, 2000), I place more emphasis on the Church’s teachings than a cradle Catholic might, but in the light of the many essays you’ve written and sent out as Catholicity Messages, I don’t think so. I cannot comprehend how you can deliberately violate the vows you took as a husband before God. You cannot possibly expect to receive an annulment from the Church – even if your local Canon office issues one, your wife is entitled to appeal to Rome, and again in light of your very public past writings on marriage, will undoubtedly prevail. You and Bai are married for as long as you both shall live. I can’t believe you have overlooked this in your eagerness to divorce. I don’t understand why you feel the need for a legal divorce – you can’t remarry, and it’s difficult to believe you feel the need to protect yourself from your wife either financially or physically.
When you married, you knew that for a marriage to be sacramental, there had to be an openness to life. God has blessed you with four living children, and at least one in Heaven (who I promise you prays constantly for the reconciliation of his/her parents). I expect your children on earth do the same. Your responsibility in this life is now primarily to those children, as I’m sure you know. Do you honestly believe you are fulfilling that responsibility by abandoning their mother and becoming another absentee father?
I’m also concerned with the inherent dishonesty in concealing the breakup of your marriage from your Catholicity subscribers – no one wants or needs to know the intimate details of the problems in your marriage, but to bypass the truth the way you have done (and I re-read all the messages you have sent since last spring) speaks volumes as to the state of your conscience.
I can only assume that it is your intention to turn your back, not only upon your family, but on the Truth of which you have so often written. As a convert, I recognize the preciousness of the Faith, and I am deeply sorry that you do not. Your current actions force me to question the sincerity of any of your writings, and of your beliefs as a Catholic. I hope that your current problems can be traced to a medical disorder, for which I pray healing, as I do for your marriage.
In as much charity as I can muster,
Warm regards,
Nina [personal information redacted]