Now we know where they get the tin-foil hats...

EBay ^ | October 4, 2003 | computer_saskboy 2003

[Proud2BeFree]

Description

Description
This is a chance of a Lifetime* sale.  *In dog years

Pet Foil Hat Technology Special Edition (PFHTSE)
is the almost-patented system that protects you and your pet from the government and aliens!Although this is listed on ebay.nl, the item is, and always has been in Canada. I'm just saving money, because ebay.nl has a cheap listing promotion right now. And it has the benefit of avoiding fbi.com detection.

This ultra modern aluminum foil hat will protect your pet from the brain scanning rays of the NSA, fbi.com, and CIA satellites that are monitoring their little subversive thoughts.  You may not have considered this before, but your lead lined hat is worthless if your pet can give away your secrets to the very people most dangerous to you - your government!

But we both know that the government's 'pet mind reading threat' pales in comparison to the unknown dangers of aliens reading your pet's mind.  The PFHT Special Edition [PFHTSE, pronounced Pfootsie], has a hydrocarbon-chain lining specially designed to filter the hydrogen band alien brain scans. This space age material may appear to the untrained eye to be just plain plastic shopping bag, but your pet will know the difference.

This offer is truly CONTINUMONGUS!

"PFHTSE" will not disappoint anyone who doesn't want to get noticed by the ever watchful http://www.FBI.com!

Features of this product: 

• 100% effective at stopping the government from reading your pet's brain. 
• Blocks the CIA brain scans.
• Scrambles the NSA brain scans.
• Poaches the FBI.com brain scans.
• Shakes N' Bakes the Alien brain scans.
• Bakes potatoes when placed around a potato in a hot oven.

Use "The Hat" only as recommended:

 

• Pet Rocks do not need the PFHT since they are imune to brain scans, since they lack brains.
• This particular model Foil Hat Technology is good underwater on your fish, or outdoors in the rain.  In a thunderstorm, please bring your pet indoors.
• Do not attempt to tamper with the PFHT or the PFHTSE.  They have built in "anti-authority" technology which will make it burst into flames upon close inspection by authorities.  Please do not put the PFHT in the microwave.
• One size fits all pets, thanks to the adjustable "sizing fold". Do not attempt to adjust the size of your pet's head to fit the PFHT.

 

This bird is going to sing!  Get your pet the PFHTSE now!

BONUS

But wait! The Winning bidder will also be cool, as certified on paper!

But wait even more!  If you send payment within 2 business days of the auction closing, I'll send bonus Canadian Tire money!

This is what your pet might look like without the PFHTSE! They may start to take over control of your house!

The Terms Of Service [If you bid without reading these, heaven help you]:

I take the following forms of payment:

• Monopoly money [exchanged at 0.0005% face value]
• Canadian Tire money [at face value]
• Traveler's cheques
• Shiny beads and trinkets
• Gold coins
• Chocolate bars
• Mexican Pesos, Japanese ¥, and even European Euros.
• Australian $, UK £, Canadian $, coins or Money Orders.
• American $ cash preferred.  Lots of it please.
• Passionate Kisses - please note that I will not find mailed kisses, or kisses from a man "passionate" enough to be a valid payment.
  • PayPal balance transfers in US$ are accepted if you don't have any of the above payments to offer, and are a boring fuddy duddy.

All legal currency must be dated from after the year 2000, since I don't want it to have the Y2K bug.  I prefer foreign cash, but you are welcome to pay how you like.

• I will put your separate eBay items in one package, to save you money.  Weight and thickness restrictions of the package may limit how many you can combine.

Even odd pets can wear the PFHT.

Fairly Stern Warning to NPB deadbeats:
    No Non-Paying-Bidders please! If you back out, I will haunt your dreams until you fulfill your contractual obligation to pay me.  By asking for a refund you forfeit your ghost to me but it will be returned if you bake me a cake and hand deliver it.

As per eBay regulations this sale is void where prohibited by penguins, or your local law enforcement.
[
    If you can read this you are very clever. Please tell all your friends to L@@K at my auctions. You are getting very sleepy.... Wooooooooooo!
]
Here are some comments from my past buyers about my auctions:
"If you'd sell the rocks in your head, you'd be a millionaire by now." - Medicine Hat, AB
"Geeze, computer_saskboy! Get a life..." - Moose Jaw, SK
"The finest quality used junk I've ever seen on the Internet..." - Springfield, IL
"Oh my!" - Climax, SK
"Thanks for proving that anything CAN be sold on eBay!" - New York, NY
"DUDE! Your auctions rock as hard as mine!" - London, UK
"I laughed, choked and water backed through my nose." - Victoria, BC
"If he would auction off a chance to slap him upside the head I'd be sure to be highest bidder." - disturbingauctions.com user

I don't just sell the PFHTSE, I'm also a customer.

Right now I'm thinking you want to contact me and ask me if I'm serious.  Let me assure you that I take eBay completely seriously and will treat your question with the utmost professionalism.  If you don't email me to ask a question, you are being a poop head.

Sorry to keep going on like this, but I just remembered that if you don't leave feedback for me, I'll cry.
Consult my eBay About ME page for handy links pertaining to everything important.

Please see my other auctions which feature a variety of items.  I'm a very diverse seller.

No insects were permanently annoyed in the making of this listing.
This listing, pictures, PFHT, and PFHTSE  Copyright computer_saskboy 2003

---

[Proud2BeFree]

Sunday morning humor time... A friend send me the link to this auction on EBay. Thought someone here might enjoy it. Y'all have a good day. I'm off to bid on the auction - got to keep my kitties safe. Do you suppose they will custom make one for a hamster?

On a separate note, I think my hubby figured out the cause of the tiger attack on Roy last night. This was OBVIOUSLY the week of the big cats! I mean geez Mizzou (Tigers)beat Nebraska, Clemson (Tigers) beat Virginia.

[Support Free Republic]

Aww man! Enough of the fundraiser posts!!!

Only YOU can make fundraiser posts go away. Please contribute!

[tutstar]

lol

[tiamat]

What gets me is that this auction is clearly meant as a joke, ( read the comment about Pet Rocks) and yet people are ACTUALLY bidding on the item! Guy's got himeself a good thing going.

Completely funny!

Tia

[MissAmericanPie]

Rofl, that cat looks like a hershey's kiss.

[Prof Engineer]

Cat, er Tin Foil, er whatever ping

[ChemistCat]

Ebay has pulled auctions like this before, sometimes at nearly the last minute.

There was one for "Rex." Someone had taken a paint roller, the fuzzy yellow kind, and put eyes on it. He was selling him in his "bright red playhouse" (the roller cover/shield) and he came with his "special hat" (the endcaps that hold the roller in the shield.) Oh, I just about wet myself reading that listing and I was going to bid. Ebay is run by a bunch of sourpusses with no sense of humor. In fact, there's no resemblance to anything that resembles a sense of humor.

I have no doubt whatsoever that if I had won Rex, Rex would have been promptly shipped to me as soon as the seller (with perfect feedback) got my payment, and we would all have lived very happily ever after. After all, your bid is a contract.

[tiamat]

I like your story about "Rex".

;-)

Did you see the one where someone tried to sell Iraq? It was put up right after the bombing started and had lots of references to "fixer-upper", and "Be A Despot"! Lots of graphics, but of course the "Seller" wanted to be paid by a wire transfer into his Swiss Bank Account.

Ebay pulled that auction, too.

Then there was the guy who was listing an "Urn of Osiris" after a Buffy charecter bought one on eBay. Of course this was actually a tacky plastic vase, worth about a dime, but because people had seen the show, he managed to sell the thing for about six bucks.

;-)

The only one I have seen that I did NOT appreciate was the WTC one, that went up within an hour or two of the disaster. I thought that was tasteless.

Tia

[cyborg]

As President of the International Tinfoil Hat Society, that is just one variation on the tinfoil hat. As you may know not everyone in the world has access to Reynolds Wrap industrial grade. Galvanize from the corner of one's hut,tapia house,canoe,houseboat will do. Better yet, a lead lining to keep out x-rays from John Ashcroft's ray gun is wise. I invented that myself...

Please all tune in to hear the grandmaster, the Kevin Mitnick among tinfoil hatted brethren, Art Bell...

[Not A Snowbird]

Do I get a bulk discount? I need four, one for each kitty. And maybe two for Tigger, she's extra succeptible to alien brain scans.

[freeparoundtheclock]

Order for your pets bump.

[weegee]

Ought to be careful about putting this device on odd pets...

Someone might mistake it for a Hershey's Kiss and pop it in his/her mouth...

[weegee]

Think he could be persuaded to offer viking wear for cats?

[appalachian_dweller]

Thanks for the laugh Proud2BeFree! I needed it today.

Another FReeper said they had a tinfoil hat with a duct tape visor. Sounds really cool. Know where I can pick up one of those? LOL!

[Only1choice____Freedom]

Someone might mistake it for a Hershey's Kiss and pop it in his/her mouth...

Crunchy Frog!!?