Comparison: Iraq war & Internet Service Providers

PikeSpeaks ^ | 10/10/03 | Diana Meade

[Spellbinder]

Living in rural VA, I can easily relate to this woman's frustration.

D.I.P.S

The conflict in Iraq, according to G.W. may be winding down, but there is one in Eastern Kentucky that is just beginning. This battle will not get a great deal of media coverage. The Fox News network will not be redundantly informing you of rumors and general disinformation, and I seriously doubt that 200 thousand dollars will be spent to have a Hollywood designer create a back drop for news conferences, but there is a battle brewing none-the-less.

This noteworthy struggle is being waged without any coalition forces, unless you consider the fact that I live in the ‘coal field’ and have been proclaimed by some as a force to be reckoned with. This is the battle of the D.I.P.S. (Diana’s Internet Provider Services) and I am the General in charge of the offensive.

In the past week I have waged a one woman attack on internet service providers, beginning with the Mother of all Providers, “Ma B”. One of the reasons that “Ma” had to be eliminated was that she is also the mother of procrastinators and had been deceiving me for almost 3 years saying that I would have ADSL in six months. I am not a patient woman, but I managed to keep my cool until ‘Ma’ blocked the access to my domain server. As far as I was concerned this was going to be the last attack she would ever launch against me. This attack was unprovoked and I knew then that retaliation was the only possible solution. “Ma” seemed to have undergone some sort of “down” syndrome because she was going down more than a naughty girl on Saturday night. I made an attempt to contact her and resolve the discord but she apparently considered my dilemma to be insignificant and ignored my inquiries, so I went ballistic and shot her down. I didn’t even permit her a “three strikes you’re out” option. I sent communication that demanded she “extricate the service as there is obviously no resolution”, and began a deploy or destroy mission of finding a new ally to assist in my conquest of the Internet.

While seeking other providers with local access I was very surprised when the search and seek mission was finally accomplished. I had managed to aquire a list of over 20 services with which I could possibly aquire a "dial-a-hit" technology. The costs varied from $8.95 per month to $19.95 per month, but money wasn’t the issue here, quality was. I let the services know that when I interrogated them. I did not think it in the least unreasonable that I should receive answers as rapidly as I posed the question, without the need to “consult a supervisor”.

“What is your connect speed? How many local access numbers do you have? Do you have 24/7 tech availability? Are you compliant for 56K - V.92 modems? Do you have Outlook e-mail compatibility? And the number one question, are you bombarded with SPAM to the extreme that other internet companies have you blacklisted and refuse to receive e-mail from your clients”? One second of hesitation was all it took to place them on the “No D.I.P.S.” list. I had some of them giving me free access numbers and passwords to utilize their capabilities just to see if there was a possibility of a unified alliance.

“Shock and Awe” was nothing compared to the “Confuse and Annoy” strikes that I launched. However, for the moment I am satisfied. I finally found that “I like MIKE” and perhaps we will forge a unilateral alliance that will benefit both our needs. If not, I have forces at the ready and am armed with facts, numbers, and e-mail addresses that will make the “mother of all bombs” pale in comparison to a one woman strike force from the hills of Eastern Kentucky.

©Diana Meade