I agree. A swat on the butt can reinforce the message without doing any physical harm. With young children, a verbal message sometimes benefits from a little reinforcement. A smack on the face, however, is never called for.
It is much the same with training a pet. You don't want to make them afraid of your hand. There needs to be a fundamental relationship of trust. Touch is an important part of that.
With pets -- and probably also with children, although to a lesser degree -- the timing of the swat is also important.
My dog sometimes runs off. When he comes home, my gut instinct is to punish him. But that is wrong. He will think he is being punished for returning home.
You have to deliver the swat right when they are right in the process of doing the act you wish to discourage. It also does not need to be painful. Loud is good, however. I got my dog when he was about one year old. He had apparently been mistreated by his original owners. Probably by children. He would trust me, but he wouldn't let anyone else get near him.
It took two years for him to get over all that. Mostly over it, anyway -- he'll probably never be fully over it.
Reminds me of the greatest act of discipline I've ever winessed. I was tutoring a college classmate at her home, and her 3 kids (6, 8, and 10) wanted some attention from the stranger in the house. The minor interruptions continued for about 30 minutes until she'd finally had enough. The evil abusive overlord in her came streaming out, she turned on the shocked children and, in that authoritative voice, declared, "All RIGHT! That's ENOUGH! Now you kids GET in the living room, SIT on the couch and WATCH cartoons until I bring you your ice cream!" I sat in stunned silence, as the kids, defeated, dejected, and broken, sullenly waddled into the living room, never to peep again until their ice cream was delivered.
(Why couldn't MY parents have punished ME like that?!? Oh, yeah, that's right, we had set the couch on fire.)
New Zealand will be outlawing the practice of the emotionally crippling "cartoons-and-ice-cream abuse" any day now.
I agree with everything you said except that statement. When the swat is painful, the threat alone will usually suffice from that point on. My ex took your method, and spent lots of wasted time swatting our daughter over many years. I wanted to make a lasting impression, and three swats, causing a slightly reddened rear end, worked well enough that I never had to do it again, ever.
After that, sweet reason was almost always effective, and even threats were rarely needed. Mama's ineffectual but often administered swats were a waste of time.
Disagree. I personally know of a slap to the face that worked wonders on a young daughter with a disrespectful mouth. The mouth never uttered similar language and no further slapping was ever necessary.