VANITY-Need help for failing teen

Lee'sGhost

[Lee'sGhost]

This long-time FReeper needs some help. I have a teen in high school (freshman) in Wake County, NC, who is failing and I need to find a way to turn him around/get help.

My wife and I have a very bright child who has NEVER been interested in school. Over the past few years his grades have been on a steady decline. He is not learning disabled, but is the type of child who does not respond well to classes taught in the traditional ways. He is a hands-on type learner and needs stimulation and personal attention to keep him motivated. I cannot count the number of times he has done homework or class work and simply not turned it in.

He is very sincere about applying himself when we get on him, but quickly goes back to his old habits. We've had countless teacher meetings and they do little good. Most teachers just won't make the extra effort. And believe me, we aren't trying to put everything on the teachers. We work with him constantly, but the minute you stop pushing or don't ask the right questions, he's off looking for a shortcut or tuning out.

This is NOT an issue of needing to provide more direction, change of location, more discipline, more encouragement, or any of the standard attempts to turn him around. We've done all of that a hundred times.

We need something different. I have read about children like mine who simply don't do well in traditional learning situations. Their brains just don't work the way most other kids do in that respect. They are usually bright kids who do well if the lessons are presented in a way that taps into their abilities. I truly believe that my son is one of these people. The problem is, I don't know where to go to access that kind of environment.

[Lee'sGhost]

This is a good kid and I want desperately not to fail him. Any help or insights would be greatly appreciated.

[TheBigB]

Can you afford to homeschool?

[willieroe]

What is your child interested in? What engages his imagination?

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[Pete]

Have you considered home schooling? I know that may seem like a radical solution but it may be worth looking into. I am sure there are lots of freepers who would be happy to answer any questions or point you to helpful websites.

[Tijeras_Slim]

What's he really, really interested in? Frequently, a hobby that requires mental effort to enjoy or master can be leveraged into an appreciation for learning other things.

[boris]

Get him reading. Subject matter hardly matters much as long as he reads voraciously. For me it was science fiction. I tell people I educated myself in spite of the public schools.

Read until you puke. Then read some more. But READ.

--Boris

[ChadsDad]

I don't have any advice, my kids are young. But I just wanted to let you know that i said a quick prayer and will be thinking about your son.

[MNlurker]

Hmmm...I could care less about school when I was that age except for history. I could sit in classes about history all day because I loved it. Is there a subject set that they really enjoy?

[Tank-FL]

Military Schools - away from home. He will thank you for the rest of his life.

[dirtboy]

This is a good kid and I want desperately not to fail him.

I have some of those tendencies myself. I would make a concerted effort to determine what really, truly interests your child - I would have been best off either going into science or writing, but my parents were determined that I should be an engineer because of my math aptitude - and when I went to a top-tier engineering college, it both bored me to tears and I also realized that I had no interest or aptitude for that field.

Your child probably has an intensely creative personality, and encourage that side while also getting him to develop key basic skills such as math and writing as well as some basic business knowledge.

There are many forms of intelligence and intuition, see if you can find where your child excells.

[mewzilla]

Have you had a chance to talk to your pediatrician/family doc to make sure there's nothing physical going on?

[JohnGalt]

I can't speak from experience, but I have a feeling there is some kind of 'merchant marine' learning program that might be a good fit. Working on a boat during the day; seeing the world in the first person, learning its history...that approach might be of interest plus he will learn a skill that can earn him money.



I will see if I can find anything on Google.

[sarasota]

Could he be dyslexic? If he's looking for shortcuts, that leads me to think he might have this issue. Has he been tested for dyslexia and other learning difficulties? That would be a good place to start. If the school can't provide services, take him to a specialist in learning disorders/differences.

[fml]

Do you reward for good work and punish for not good work?

[PJ-Comix]

He is not learning disabled, but is the type of child who does not respond well to classes taught in the traditional ways.

He sounds like he is bored in class and has trouble paying attention. I had the same problem. Here is my solution. During the summer have him read up on his own the subjects he will be covering. If he is taking science or physics courses, have him read Isaac Asimov's guide to science book (don't remember exact title). Because Asimov was a science fiction writer, that spurred my own interest in reading him. Also there are the Dummy books on almost any subject. Have your son read about the subjects during the summer on his own time and by the time he takes these subjects in class, they will be a snap.

Also, this might sound trivial, but have him make sure to sit on the first row. If he isn't assigned the first row then have him tell a white lie that he has a hard time seeing farther back. If he is on the first row and is already familiar with the subject from summer reading, then he will participate in the class discussion much more.

[Sabertooth]

If home school or privates school is not an option, try these...

When you pick him up from school, drive past the worst school within 15 miles on the way home. Circle the block a few times.

Take weekend trips to your local skid row.

Give him four choices:

1. Do well in his current school.
2. Transfer to the scary school.
3. Live on skid row.
3. Get a job.

[quack]

Heck I was the same way in my teens.I got a job making minimum wage($3.35/hr...man I'm old) my junior year.It was then that I found out that in order to make any decent money I had to get a college education.I've got a good job and have also started my own part-time landscaping business.Hoping to get enough accounts in the future to leave the grunt work to others and just reap the rewards.

I wouldn't worry too much,although I wouldn't quit pushing him either.Let him get a part time job.Not only so he can establish a good work ethic,but so he'll see how hard it is to get a decent job.Once I started my job,my grades skyrocketed.Seems I was bored in school and once I got to leave early for work I could spend more time concentrating on the classes I had.

Hope this makes sense.

[Shenandoah]

Sometimes a kid is what he is and will be so no matter what you do. But, if your son is anything like mine, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I have two children, one of whom was a high school honor student and who went right on to college.

In the case of my son, it was a life-long battle to get him to do well in school. And we tried, believe me. He is extremely intelligent and had scored very high on standardized tests, but he had an attitude a mile long. His one saving grace is that he was never a mean kid. He basicly has a good heart, knows right from wrong, and he loves his parents. He eventually got sent to the alternative high school and from there, dropped out. Frankly, I had given up on him before his teachers had.

Within a year he had, on his own volation, gotten a GED. From there he struck out on his own, found out what it's like to work for a living when the only things available are menial jobs, and now he's in college. Sometimes a kid has to come 'round on his own course.

[Trampled by Lambs]

I have to second Boris's comment about reading. I was much the same as your son. Actually, I was probably worse. I flunked out of high school and got in some trouble with the law and found myself at what was then referred to as a "probation school". This was a place for us bad kids where the teachers basically just tried to keep us from getting into more serious trouble and maybe teach us something if they could.

If a student didn't want to do the work provided, they were not forced. As long as you didn't disrupt, you could basically do whatever you wanted. For me that consisted of hanging out behind the school and smoking cigarettes.

But the teacher there had a huge library of books.. Many SF and fantasy .. and other stuff that she thought (rightly) might appeal to kids like me. "Hells Angels" by Hunter Thompson for example.

Well, I was bored and started to reading. Thats all I did. While the rest of the class dozed through math and history, I read through nearly her entire library and beyond. I guess she figured that I had to be learning something.. I was. I learned a lot. I learned to enjoy the pursuit of knowledge. It literally changed my life.

I eventually got my GED and while I am not exactly Fortune 500 material, I'm doing well enough. Especially when you consider that most people had written me off as a future career criminal or drug addict. (I would have been class of '77, had I graduated..)

So, a single good teacher, books and the love of a good woman (another story too long to tell here) turned me around. Highschool is not everything. Its important but if failed, it need not mean a life of being a loser. Some people are just not made for formal education. I'm not saying you should give up on his education but you shouldn't take failure in our (explitive deleted) high schools as failure in life.

Find out what really interests him and get him reading about it. Even if its something that seems a waste of time to you; start with comics if need be. Eventually, he'll want go know more. Even a fantasy or horror novel, if well written, has something to teach.