Sex-Starved Marriages - Women Struggle to Cope With Spouses' Low Sex Drives

ABC News ^ | 09/26/03 | John Stossel

[Quix]

True.

So, a dynamic duo increases the focusing on other pleasures which can be shared--such as neck, shoulder, back, hand rubs etc.

I knew an MD and wife who had a decent sex life. But he said that when he was older, taking walks holding her hand was a pleasureable to him as the best sex--and they'd actually had good sex persistently.

[Quix]

If Love doesn't go much deeper than skin deep--to the bone marrow at least . . .

then I question whether it's enough for marriage and certainly not enough for great sex.

No one is all that unlovely when the heart Love is intense. Love finds something beautiful about the loved one and focuses on that.

[Quix]

I MUCH, MUCH, MUCH AGREE.

Thanks.

[Quix]

Sorry, I've looked back at the ref message and am still not precisely clear about your meaning.

Being a perfectionist in sexual expectations of your partner can be a real turn off. Especially if one is not skillful enough to shape the behavior gradually over a long time period with lots of praise.

[goldstategop]

Sex is the icing on the cake. If you have a great relationship outside the bedroom, both you are going to be turned on by the time you get to bed. Otherwise, forget it.

[Quix]

True . . .

sadly, among those other pressures are the

interminable and horrid control/power games.

Very deadly to good sex, those.

[wardaddy]

Good post.

Child bearing medical advances are the main reason women now outlive us.

My great great grandpas in the 1800s almost all had multiple wives due to death in childbirth and many kids. No pill and abortion was unthinkable amongst all but the uttermost dregs of society.

Now with the childbirth danger out of the way, I think that which makes us strong also kills us faster....Testosterone and other exaggerated in males hormones and enzymes....which lead to more stress etc.

I'm not complaining. Old women hanging out together in their 70s spending the husbands cash is ok especially if they had a good relationship. I'd sure rather go first. Better for her and better for progeny's sake. Old widowers are much crankier.....no offense to old widowers...a few here whom I admire.

Widowers generally remarry much more frequently than widows for a variety of reasons....but aside from religious reasons ...why should a widower marry again unless he wants to be Tony Randall. The financial downside is not good....

Just a rant...

[Axenolith]

Hardly dude, you must not live in CA or the Bay Area. I KNOW women like he's describing here that fit the part ridiculously well. One of my clients is always bemoaning the fact that she needs to "find a man who makes 100K+\year to marry and have kids" and then turns around and bitches about how "women are so oppressed here and George Bush is evil and bla bla bla".

She's attractive too, but any man would have to be a coplete idiot to marry her...

[Porterville]

That is why you shouldn't get married... unless your partner likes sex.... then, you won't have to worry about fights concerning sex, only money.

[oceanperch]

Maybe the "masturbator" should invite his wife to participate.

[Vigilantcitizen]

"Sorry, I've looked back at the ref message and am still not precisely clear about your meaning."

"Being a perfectionist in sexual expectations of your partner can be a real turn off. Especially if one is not skillful enough to shape the behavior gradually over a long time period with lots of praise."

I'm not a perfectionist in expectations of my partner, maybe I phrased that wrong. I am a perfectionist in the sense that I strive to make sure my partner is enjoying things just as much or more than I.

[Porterville]

I actually believe that all priest should be recruited from ex husbands from bad marriages...

[Keith in Iowa]

>>Sex is the icing on the cake. If you have a great relationship outside the bedroom, both you are going to be turned on by the time you get to bed. Otherwise, forget it.

Bingo. Exactly what my dad always said.

[A CA Guy]

Could all these men have been first married to Arianna Huffington?

[ValerieUSA]

for a little change of pace

[Quix]

I think I'm too visual.

but a good chuckle, that one.

[wardaddy]

We all use our best tools to get what we want in the beginning.

For a man, it's good manners and being more "sensitive" and all that....if you really have your heart in play.

For a woman, it's her sexuality or the promise of it. Once the courtship is accomplished, the rpm for both slows a bit and children will basically put a governor on it and the man may not be a pliable as he was too.

Couples just have to work thru it. Once you've had sex a thousand times together, you had better have a really strong emotional tug to keep the flame alive...baring illness.

Men are rakes by nature but decent men know how to resist that for the sake of the family and their own sense of self respect. Women who recognize this and work a little harder to keep themselves alluring to their mate have a leg up. It's not fair and no, that dictum is not applied evenly.

Today...we are all over the board. I don't think there has ever been a harder time to maintain familial integrity in our culture except perhaps during the War Between The States. A domestic war sort overwhelms everything I would guess.

[wardaddy]

Perhaps the best small post on the thread Porter. Well done.

[Quix]

VERY WELL SAID AND VERY TRUE.