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Sell a bong, go to jail
Vail Trail ^ | Nicky Hernandez

Posted on 09/22/2003 8:03:35 AM PDT by twittle

Like most aging potheads, I adored "Cheech and Chong" movies when all we had was Mexican dirt weed to maintain a mellow.

The original poster boys for NORMAL cracked me up with their dopey antics in East L.A. Who could resist a brand of humor that came with a cloud of cannabis smoke?

The pair rocked for a decade and banked major bucks before federal thugs put the screws to Mary Jane and told a generation to "Just Say No."

By the mid-’80s, Cheech and Chong had gone the way of Hope and Crosby. Today, however, the two are on very different paths. Tommy Chong raised a hot-looking daughter, whose claim to fame involved appearing nearly naked in a caveman film. Cheech Martin, meanwhile, proved savvy and now enjoyed the spoils of the entertainment industry.

Cheech has become a TV mainstay. He's the ideal sidekick against the aging, but still dashing, Don Johnson in "Nash Bridges." Cheech has also parlayed his character into several decent flicks, including "Tin Cup," and "Dead by Dawn."

In short, Cheech has gone far considering half his brain got fried in the ’70s.

Life has been a bit hazier for Chong, who now faces a nine-month stint in federal prison for peddling pot pipes over the Internet.

You heard right. The federal boys charged with keeping watch over terrorism took time out from the search for Bin Laden and went after a hippie icon. I wonder if John Ashcroft sleeps well knowing he has caged a 64-year-old for selling bongs?

If you don't see something wrong with that picture, you're higher than Jimmy Hendrix my friend.

Then again, maybe we should praise the ever-vigilant watchdogs at Patriot Act Central for capturing another dangerous criminal and saving the nation from an imminent threat.

All I'm saying is karma has done a number on the pair. One of them will cower in fear during "shower time" at Lompoc, while the other gets steady work in Hollywood.

All the same, Cheech's latest flick "Once Upon a Time in Mexico," is a federal offense. The film should simply go up in smoke.

"Once Upon A Time In Mexico" is a horrible movie that wastes the combined talents of the always sexy Salma Hayek, the normally rock solid Willem Dafoe, and the extremely watchable Johnny Depp.

Nothing works in a story that involves a Mexican coupe thwarted by a Mariachi player. The flick has no plot beyond a liberal use of bullets, blood and complete senselessness.

Depp plays a somewhat unstable CIA operative, who plots and kills and plots and kills and eventually hires El Mariachi (Antonio Bandaras) to assassinate a renegade general bent on seizing control of the government.

Mass killings, silly shootings and stunts beyond the level of Neo from "The Matrix" follow in absurd portions.

In short this film sucks worse than Ashcroft's piano playing. Nothing to see here folks.

Until next time, Mr. Hernandez has left the theater to troll the Internet for something useful like pictures of Asian babes "loving long time."

Nickey Hernandez is a former private investigator who hopes the War on Terror makes more sense than the War on Drugs.


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society
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To: Servant of the 9
"they can call the spoons in your kitchen "narcotics paraphenalia" if they want"

Actually no, though they do list in Section 863. Drug paraphernalia, "#6) miniature spoons with level capacities of one-tenth cubic centimeter or less".

And bongs are listed under the very vague and confusing wording of "#12) bongs".

Also: "e) In determining whether an item constitutes drug paraphernalia, in addition to all other logically relevant factors, the following may be considered:

(1) instructions, oral or written, provided with the item concerning its use;
(2) descriptive materials accompanying the item which explain or depict its use;
(3) national and local advertising concerning its use;
(4) the manner in which the item is displayed for sale;
(5) whether the owner, or anyone in control of the item, is a legitimate supplier of like or related items to the community, such as a licensed distributor or dealer of tobacco products;
(6) direct or circumstantial evidence of the ratio of sales of the item(s) to the total sales of the business enterprise;
(7) the existence and scope of legitimate uses of the item in the community; and
(8) expert testimony concerning its use.

Think those bongs may have fallen under one (or eight) of those considerations?

21 posted on 09/22/2003 8:35:55 AM PDT by robertpaulsen
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To: robertpaulsen
My mother in-law collects those miniature spoons. You know, the ones they sell in all those gift shops? She has a miniature spoon from just about every state, city, and attraction that sells them.

One cleverly worded phone call could get her out of my hair for five to ten........

22 posted on 09/22/2003 8:42:11 AM PDT by blackdog ("But to me Joy means only sorrow, and America is one big Joy ride")
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To: robertpaulsen
Yup. That there's a bong, all right, Barney!

That's a big 10-4, and Roger, all units moving in on the perp!

One must admit, that's safer than going after Islamic and Columbian cut-throats and terrorists!

Got to live to collect that pension, you know!
23 posted on 09/22/2003 8:44:05 AM PDT by headsonpikes (Spirit of '76 bttt!)
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To: HuntsvilleTxVeteran
Surely you saw Blow?
24 posted on 09/22/2003 8:46:20 AM PDT by robertpaulsen
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To: robertpaulsen
(Surely you saw Blow?)
Nope
I didn't see bong or depp either!
25 posted on 09/22/2003 8:51:03 AM PDT by HuntsvilleTxVeteran (PLANES: Remember Takeoffs are optional, Landings are mandatory)
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To: twittle
Ashcroft's zealotry is showing... Soon he will send Willie Nelson to Gitmo.
26 posted on 09/22/2003 8:53:44 AM PDT by Lexington Green (FREE TOMMY CHONG)
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To: blackdog
1/10 cc. is about the size of those McDonalds' miniature spoons used to stir coffee. Past tense.
27 posted on 09/22/2003 8:55:04 AM PDT by robertpaulsen
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To: robertpaulsen
As soon as we got the word in the late 70's or around 1980, we scarfed up all we could get, certain they would become collectables. I've got maybe 500 somewhere in some unopened box we've moved around the country over the years.
28 posted on 09/22/2003 9:00:07 AM PDT by blackdog ("But to me Joy means only sorrow, and America is one big Joy ride")
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To: HuntsvilleTxVeteran
What is a Depp?

A German friend told me it is German slang for "nitwit".

29 posted on 09/22/2003 9:07:26 AM PDT by NCjim
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To: headsonpikes
You've broken the code. Unfortunately very few see the Justice Department as the pond draining, Jewel hunting, Scout shooting, Chong busting, statue covering, Rudolph chasing, Waco Burning, misguided bunch they are. They see them in their present form as something much better. We all would like to. They count on that and exploit it.

Justice needs a radical overhaul. It does not start with Tommy Chong.

30 posted on 09/22/2003 9:09:23 AM PDT by blackdog ("But to me Joy means only sorrow, and America is one big Joy ride")
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To: blackdog
They're worth something in the UK.

"On another occasion, I saw a bundle of 10 of the spoons being sold for £10 at a Heywood market."

31 posted on 09/22/2003 9:09:51 AM PDT by robertpaulsen
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To: imaxmatt
Doesn't anyone proofread?

Are you kidding? "Coupe?" Is there really a movie about a Mexican two-door car thwarted by a mariachi player?

32 posted on 09/22/2003 9:15:07 AM PDT by VadeRetro
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To: robertpaulsen
#6) miniature spoons with level capacities of one-tenth cubic centimeter or less

Do you remember when McDonalds had the small coffee stirrers that looked like tiny spoons? They had to change to the current flat ones since people used the original stirrers in a manner for which they were not intended... :-)

33 posted on 09/22/2003 9:16:26 AM PDT by NCjim
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To: twittle
This is not the type of crime that Federal Prosecutors should be focusing on. Tommy Chong has been singled out for
punishment because he ridiculed law enforcement.
Tommy Chong should not serve any jail time. I would hate to see some kind of physical harm come to him in jail.
Are your shoes wet Ashcroft?
Free Tommy Chong!
34 posted on 09/22/2003 9:30:38 AM PDT by latrans
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To: imaxmatt
He also got the name of the movie wrong: it's "Dusk to Dawn", not "Dead to Dawn".
35 posted on 09/22/2003 9:44:27 AM PDT by Born Conservative ("Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names" - John F. Kennedy)
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To: blackdog
In Justice's defence, it's difficult to imagine what positive or productive thing one could do with a work-force consisting primarily of lawyers.
36 posted on 09/22/2003 10:14:48 AM PDT by headsonpikes (Spirit of '76 bttt!)
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To: latrans
Tommy Chong was singled out because he didn't donate to the RNC, or DNC for that matter. Had he thrown a few hundred grand to the RNC during the past few years, he'd be dining in the Whitehouse and not doing time in the big-house.

Need proof? Ozzy Osbourne.......A burned out, foul mouthed, dialysis dependant, heroin addict. He just loved his fare at the Bush whitehouse.

Ashcroft and his little sick army of holy toadies are kept on a leash. Cash holds it tightly and firmly. A little message to the Hollyweird crowd........Throw a little o'dat cash our way Ms. Streisand. The federal prison system is nice, but no rose petals in the toilet water just yet.......

37 posted on 09/22/2003 10:20:09 AM PDT by blackdog ("But to me Joy means only sorrow, and America is one big Joy ride")
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To: twittle
Bump.
38 posted on 09/22/2003 10:26:35 AM PDT by ambrose (Free Tommy Chong!)
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To: headsonpikes
My flight school roommate had a really ugly but ambitious girlfriend. She would come stay with us over holidays. She was in the process of getting hired by the FBI. At the time, they hired from only two pools of candidates....Law Scools and Accountants. Those hires of that period would be those in the highest ranks and policy positions in Justice today.

A very scary thought my friend!

I guess if terrorists start bouncing checks, file erroneous tax returns, or get their third DUI they are in for a serious sit-down with the justice department!

39 posted on 09/22/2003 10:26:50 AM PDT by blackdog ("But to me Joy means only sorrow, and America is one big Joy ride")
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To: freebilly
No man IM Dave...
Come on man open the door...
40 posted on 09/22/2003 11:28:35 AM PDT by Moleman
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