Posted on 09/22/2003 8:03:35 AM PDT by twittle
Like most aging potheads, I adored "Cheech and Chong" movies when all we had was Mexican dirt weed to maintain a mellow.
The original poster boys for NORMAL cracked me up with their dopey antics in East L.A. Who could resist a brand of humor that came with a cloud of cannabis smoke?
The pair rocked for a decade and banked major bucks before federal thugs put the screws to Mary Jane and told a generation to "Just Say No."
By the mid-80s, Cheech and Chong had gone the way of Hope and Crosby. Today, however, the two are on very different paths. Tommy Chong raised a hot-looking daughter, whose claim to fame involved appearing nearly naked in a caveman film. Cheech Martin, meanwhile, proved savvy and now enjoyed the spoils of the entertainment industry.
Cheech has become a TV mainstay. He's the ideal sidekick against the aging, but still dashing, Don Johnson in "Nash Bridges." Cheech has also parlayed his character into several decent flicks, including "Tin Cup," and "Dead by Dawn."
In short, Cheech has gone far considering half his brain got fried in the 70s.
Life has been a bit hazier for Chong, who now faces a nine-month stint in federal prison for peddling pot pipes over the Internet.
You heard right. The federal boys charged with keeping watch over terrorism took time out from the search for Bin Laden and went after a hippie icon. I wonder if John Ashcroft sleeps well knowing he has caged a 64-year-old for selling bongs?
If you don't see something wrong with that picture, you're higher than Jimmy Hendrix my friend.
Then again, maybe we should praise the ever-vigilant watchdogs at Patriot Act Central for capturing another dangerous criminal and saving the nation from an imminent threat.
All I'm saying is karma has done a number on the pair. One of them will cower in fear during "shower time" at Lompoc, while the other gets steady work in Hollywood.
All the same, Cheech's latest flick "Once Upon a Time in Mexico," is a federal offense. The film should simply go up in smoke.
"Once Upon A Time In Mexico" is a horrible movie that wastes the combined talents of the always sexy Salma Hayek, the normally rock solid Willem Dafoe, and the extremely watchable Johnny Depp.
Nothing works in a story that involves a Mexican coupe thwarted by a Mariachi player. The flick has no plot beyond a liberal use of bullets, blood and complete senselessness.
Depp plays a somewhat unstable CIA operative, who plots and kills and plots and kills and eventually hires El Mariachi (Antonio Bandaras) to assassinate a renegade general bent on seizing control of the government.
Mass killings, silly shootings and stunts beyond the level of Neo from "The Matrix" follow in absurd portions.
In short this film sucks worse than Ashcroft's piano playing. Nothing to see here folks.
Until next time, Mr. Hernandez has left the theater to troll the Internet for something useful like pictures of Asian babes "loving long time."
Nickey Hernandez is a former private investigator who hopes the War on Terror makes more sense than the War on Drugs.
Actually no, though they do list in Section 863. Drug paraphernalia, "#6) miniature spoons with level capacities of one-tenth cubic centimeter or less".
And bongs are listed under the very vague and confusing wording of "#12) bongs".
Also: "e) In determining whether an item constitutes drug paraphernalia, in addition to all other logically relevant factors, the following may be considered:
(1) instructions, oral or written, provided with the item concerning its use;
(2) descriptive materials accompanying the item which explain or depict its use;
(3) national and local advertising concerning its use;
(4) the manner in which the item is displayed for sale;
(5) whether the owner, or anyone in control of the item, is a legitimate supplier of like or related items to the community, such as a licensed distributor or dealer of tobacco products;
(6) direct or circumstantial evidence of the ratio of sales of the item(s) to the total sales of the business enterprise;
(7) the existence and scope of legitimate uses of the item in the community; and
(8) expert testimony concerning its use.
Think those bongs may have fallen under one (or eight) of those considerations?
One cleverly worded phone call could get her out of my hair for five to ten........
A German friend told me it is German slang for "nitwit".
Justice needs a radical overhaul. It does not start with Tommy Chong.
"On another occasion, I saw a bundle of 10 of the spoons being sold for £10 at a Heywood market."
Are you kidding? "Coupe?" Is there really a movie about a Mexican two-door car thwarted by a mariachi player?
Do you remember when McDonalds had the small coffee stirrers that looked like tiny spoons? They had to change to the current flat ones since people used the original stirrers in a manner for which they were not intended... :-)
Need proof? Ozzy Osbourne.......A burned out, foul mouthed, dialysis dependant, heroin addict. He just loved his fare at the Bush whitehouse.
Ashcroft and his little sick army of holy toadies are kept on a leash. Cash holds it tightly and firmly. A little message to the Hollyweird crowd........Throw a little o'dat cash our way Ms. Streisand. The federal prison system is nice, but no rose petals in the toilet water just yet.......
A very scary thought my friend!
I guess if terrorists start bouncing checks, file erroneous tax returns, or get their third DUI they are in for a serious sit-down with the justice department!
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