Fess up, boys-- stuff about men.

08-28-03 | by everybody who's ever had to deal with guys

[boris]

"I have to know more about that pic. What's the deal w/the 2x4? is that a turner or something? Looks like fun whatever."

Always be sure to have an ignition source in the charcoal BEFORE you apply the liquid oxygen. Saturating charcoal briquets with LOX and then igniting is a one-way trip to the pearly gates.

--Boris

[rdb3]

Really good meals do not involve three types of lettuce. They involve three types of meat.

I would contend that it could involve both.

[SAMWolf]

LOL!

Doesn't it bug you when you can't find anything more to burn and start going through the camping gear trying to figure out what you can do without?

[Treebeard]

You're not that guy on the food channel that brought the house down by saying: "First, you take a leek..."

[Constitution Day]

Heh heh. So do I!

[rdb3]

That would not be me.

[cuz_it_aint_their_money]

45. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

Correction. He will assume that his wife has shrunk his clothing.
There is a difference you know. Cuz us manly men don't do the laundry.

[rdb3]

Cuz us manly men don't do the laundry.

You could not have been raised by my mother and say that.

[Hatteras]

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
BBQing is the man's domain and there should be no danger, unless you're a pantywaste that uses a gas grill.

7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.
ANY playoff season.

8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
Can't help her here. I don't like phones, period. The less buttons the better and don't call me if you just want to talk. State your business and hang up.

9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
Just the sports section and the crossword puzzle. If you get the paper first, just leave those two sections on the back of the toilet. I'll find them.

11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
I don't have to look in the mirror anymore. I'm married, my life is over.

13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
I wear them all the time, I'm far from bald and they are not "caps", they are "hats".

16. Men love watches with multiple functions. An ideal one is one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.
See #8. I just want it to tell me what time it is. I can find the day, month and year at the top of the sports section.

22. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
Men don't buy bathing suits. That's the wife's job. If he doesn't have a pair, he wears old gym shorts or cut-offs. Either of which his wife bought for him at some time or another.

23. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, sleep next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Whatever, just leave the damn thermostat alone!

26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
There are THREE types of lettuce?!

30. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Or women other than their wives...

31. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
Correction: They 'bi-itch' about men.

40. Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.
We "impulse buy" at Lowe's or The Home Depot. You don't have to pay for shipping and you don't have to wait two weeks for the UPS guy.

41. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
Only when they talk...

50. All men would still really like to own a train set.
I've had mine since I was 8 years old. Pressing my accountant for the okay on the garden railroad. ;-)

[Mark17]

Naaa. Some of us just know how to prepare really good meals.

Not me, I can burn water. That is why I need to get that woman here. BTW, RD, I have my airline tickets in my hot little hands. I leave Oct 8th, for that island, the big M, the scariest place on earth. Not.

[LexBaird]

I would contend that it could involve both

Well, a fancy salad wouldn't detract from the meal. But when it comes down to it, if there's limited space on the plate, jettison the green stuff. The parsely is just there for decoration.

[Mark17]

Why would a man want to get a bikini wax?

To show his bravery.

[cuz_it_aint_their_money]

You could not have been raised by my mother and say that.

Your correct. I was raised by my mother (God rest her soul) and she taught me how to do the laundry.
However, as soon as I got married, my wife (God bless her), informed me that if I ever thought about doing the laundry, that it would be grounds for divorce!
We have been happily married for over 19 years now!
Need I say more?

[LexBaird]

I like playing sports, but I can't figure out the attraction of watching a bunch of felons do stupid human tricks and pretending it is for real.

Concur. Spectator sports are the new opiate of the masses.

[tame]

Funny stuff...and a lot of it is true :o)

[stainlessbanner]

Some of us just know how to prepare really good meals.

Hear, Hear. Men and good food are a harmonious - from the backyard BBQ master to the world's finest chefs.

Excellent graphic "double-O" RDB3!

[najida]

Your correct. I was raised by my mother (God rest her soul) and she taught me how to do the laundry.
However, as soon as I got married, my wife (God bless her), informed me that if I ever thought about doing the laundry, that it would be grounds for divorce!
We have been happily married for over 19 years now!
Need I say more?
____________

My husband did 'our' laundry once and ruined my favorite sweater...that was the end of that.

[Little Ray]

There are more than three types of lettuce? I thought there was just Iceberg, Romaine, and, uh, Iceberg.

I like the three types of meat better.

Being able to cook a good desserts might get you ahead, too. Especially if it is some sort of chocolate.

[Mr. K]

I still have the train set my dad bought me

[ChewedGum]

My wife won't eat desserts but she loves salads. Other lettuces: green leaf, romaine, iceberg, spinach, butter lettuce, and the purple kind. (She uses them all!)

[ by the way, the purple kind and the butter lettuce are bitter and taste really bad...you can just skip those ones! ]

Gum