These are our rules girls. Deal With it!!

Unknown | 8-28-03 | Man's Mind

[WKB]

Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up; you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports.
It's like the full moon, PMS or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is considered blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[FairWitness]

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

And those of us who are color-blind (which is mostly a male affliction) see fewer than that (my socks are either black or white, they always match).

[Tacis]

"1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up; you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. "

Never understood this point. I don't need it up. I can guarantee range and accuracy to such a degree that I can use it either way. There can a slight dispersion issue but that is much more a problem for the next person than for me.

At home, sure, I'll move to perserve the domestic tranquility. In communal restrooms however, honey, if you want a clean seat the next time, after you are through, better put the seat up. I won't raise it up and I won't put it down. I'll use it exactly where it is when I get there.

[Camachee]

Self-evident Truths Ping!! :0)

[2Jedismom]

My husband does the same thing!! (Maybe it's a Star Wars thing? LOL) He goes to bed just like normal, around 10pm, but likes to wake up and read in the middle of the night, then fall back to sleep! So he just gets up and lays on the couch. Next morning, I get up, he's gone to work and I put away his book and seltzer that he left beside the couch! LOL

He's been doing this ever since we got married, which bothered me at first, but we've got a good happy marriage, doesn't seem to hurt anything...I've gotten used to it.

[Jaded]

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

My favorite. Never thought of it that way.

[wai-ming]

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up; you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

It's not about the toilet seat; it never is. It's about "you don't care about me!" (If you loved me, you would _________. [There is an endless list of items that women will put in the blank if you let them. The toilet seat issue is only one item from the list.])

[kinsman redeemer]

Weekend to Remember - Ping

[Phantom Lord]

My couch habit started in college. The bars in Buffalo are open till 4 AM 7 days a week. Would come home drunk, turn on TV and sleep on the couch. I worked at TGIFridays in college and transfered to a Fridays here in Raleigh when I moved. Would get home from work around 2 or 2:30 in the morning, shower, watch some TV and sleep on the couch. And now its how I prefer to sleep.

[magslinger]

but we've got a good happy marriage, doesn't seem to hurt anything...I've gotten used to it

I think you have it mixed up. It doesn't hurt. I've gotten used to it. Therefore we've got a good marriage. Not sweating the small stuff is key to a good marriage.

[Quilla]

I would be miserable if my husband slept on the couch. Maybe it's because he rubs my back every night until I fall asleep. Or maybe it's because there's nothing finer than waking in his arms.

[Hatteras]

I just copied this in an e-mail to the wife. If you don't hear from me after this weekend, you'll know why. (Going home to collect my stuff off the front lawn now...)

[Hatteras]

"Or maybe it's because there's nothing finer than waking in his arms."

Ewwwww, you hold each other when you sleep? Give me my space! That's why she has HER side and I have MY side.

[2Jedismom]

Not sweating the small stuff is key to a good marriage.

Exactly! There are worse things he could do than sleep on the couch...like sleep on someone elses couch! LOL!!

Saturday's are the best...I get up, walk in the living room, usually see one or both of my jedis (see profile) piled up on the couch with their dad, who knows how long they've been there! They stay there watching TV while I make the coffee. I pile up on the couch with 'em and we visit. Then we all pile off the couch and my husband makes a huge pancake breakfast using his dearly departed dad's recipe.

Life is good! Embrace the couch! LOL

[dfwgator]

1. Don't cut your hair.

[Wondervixen]

I pity those girls who didn't have a couple of sisters and a strong father figure to keep things comparative and in perspective. We learned what men were like from Dad and odd as it may seem, when it came time to marry and mate, a guy just like Dad was the choice for two of us (our kid sister is STILL single and fighting the trend).

There's been almost no "shock period" to adjust to at all thanks to my upbringing!

[StriperSniper]

Just say it!

That doesn't even work since they often expect you to know that they really mean the opposite.

[SoKatt]

The fact that I find this list hilarious may explain why I'm a woman with more male friends than female friends. (that, or it's the ol' "Monster Garage" / "American Chopper" fixation.)

[dfwgator]

Especially if the guy snores, sleeping on the couch can be a marriage saver.

[honeygrl]

"Maybe it's because he rubs my back every night until I fall asleep."

So how do you get him to do that? I couldn't even get back rubs without whining for them when I was 8-9mths pregnant. I got instead "Well, my back hurts too."

[Pukin Dog]

Every woman on earth is too fat, period. Only two exceptions exist. Ann Coulter, who is a skeleton who smokes, and Selma Hayek, who is perfect. No need for a woman to ever ask that question again. The rest of you are fat, fat, fat.