Today's FEEBLE attempt at humor:
Two Engineers agree to paint a flag pole. Of course they need to know how tall it is so they can purchase the paint. One shimmies up the pole with a tape measure and falls after reaching about half way. While trying to figure out how they can possibly measure the pole along comes a Designer.
After asking what they're doing he replies, "that's easy". He then reaches around the pole and pulls it out of the ground and lays it down. "There you go", he said as he walked away.
The two Engineers look at each other and one said "that stupid guy will never get anywhere, we don't need to know how wide it is, just how tall".
The Bacon Tree
Back in the wild west, a westbound wagon train was lost and very low on food. No other people had been seen for days. Unexpectedly, they saw an old Jewish man sitting beneath a tree. The leader rushed up to him and said, "We're lost. Is there someplace ahead where we can get food?" "Vell," the old Jewish man said, "I vould definitely NOT go over dat hill. Somevun told me you'll run into a big bacon tree." "A bacon tree!!!!?" asked the wagon train leader. "Yah, yah ah bacon tree.. Trust me. For nutting vud I lie." The leader goes back and tells his people what the Jewish man had told him. "So why did he say not to go there?" some pioneers asked. "Oh, you know the Jewish folks - they don't eat bacon." So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. About an hour later the leader of the wagon train returns to where the old Jewish man is sitting and enjoying his drink. The near-dead man starts shouting, "You fool! You sent us to our deaths! We followed your instructions, but there was no bacon tree. Just hundreds of Indians. They killed everyone but me." The Jewish man holds up his hand and says, "oy, vait a minute, vait a minute." He gets out an English-Yiddish dictionary and begins thumbing through it. "Oh mine Gott, I made myself ah big mistake. It vuz not a bacon tree. I meant to say it vuz a ham bush.