Posted on 08/15/2003 7:12:44 AM PDT by ElkGroveDan
I feel ashamed. In the days following Arnold Schwarzenegger’s entry into the race to replace Gov. Gray Davis, I criticized him on talk radio, letters to the editor, and the Internet. But then I received a response on a bulletin board:
Arnold transcends partisan politics. He is the only Republican that can win without automatically getting recalled himself and creating long-term animosity towards Republicans in this highly Democratic state. And he is the only candidate who can bring the state together and heal the political rift after the recall.
Perhaps I’ve been wrong, I thought. I decided to ask around and keep an open mind. What I learned in talking to family, friends, and political observers shocked me. Arnold is like no other candidate e’ve seen in our state.
Arnold will realign California politics. He will balance the budget and keep the lights on. Democrats and Republican will unite around him. Arnold will provide daycare for our children. He will bring businesses back from other states.
Arnold is a man’s man — and a woman’s man, too. He never needs to ask for directions and always remembers his anniversary. Arnold’s ties never clash and his hair is always combed. Arnold uses no M.S.G. in his cooking. That’s the Arnold I’m learning about.
Arnold can program his VCR and he knows where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. Arnold will make the Palestinians and the Israelis get along. He’ll cure the sick and feed the hungry. Arnold brushes his teeth after every meal. No challenge is too great for Arnold.
Arnold’s cell phone never rings in public. He never gets up to use the restroom in the middle of a movie. Arnold never has more than eight items in the express checkout line at the supermarket, and he doesn’t top to write a check there, either. Arnold is quite a guy. He doesn’t drive for miles on the open highway with his turn signal blinking and he never drives too slowly in the fast lane. We can all get behind Arnold.
Arnold rescues kittens from trees, I tell you. He’s lots of fun. He tells good jokes. That’s the kind of guy Arnold is. Arnold never sends unsolicited e-mail. Arnold is a wonderful husband, a devoted father, and his dog never fouls the neighbors’ lawns. Bad breath? Forget it. Not Arnold!
Did you know Arnold can walk on water? And cure the common old. Earthquakes? Hah! Arnold isn’t afraid of earthquakes, or fires. or floods. Arnold will whip Mother Earth into shape and tell her who’s boss. Natural disasters will be a distant memory after Arnold takes harge.
Arnold is California’s salvation. It’s time we embraced him. It’s time e make him our governor, our leader, our demigod. It’s that important. We need Arnold for all of California’s troubles.
Who would oppose Arnold besides Gray Davis? Simon Legree, that’s who — and Ebeneezer Scrooge and Leona Helmsley. The rest of the world loves Arnold. Now is not the time to question Arnold.
Have you got a question for Arnold? It should be a nice one. Leave your mean rigid ideology at home. Don’t ask him about abortion, or the Second Amendment, or homosexual adoption, or big government hild care initiatives. No one likes a party pooper.
And don’t mention it if he gets caught in a lie or sounds evasive. Everyone loves Arnold. Look the other way if someone shows you unpleasant pictures of Arnold. If naked women ride around on Arnold’s shoulders, it must be good.
Arnold can do so much for us in so many ways there isn’t space to mention it all. In fact, there’s no time to mention anything he will do as governor. We must get back to cheering for Arnold.
Frank Duclos is a frequent contributor to California Political Review. .
Welcome to the New Free Republic, where conservative values are discarded for the values of a Big-Time Leftist Hollywood Star.
I don't think any of us will ever find a perfect match between our views and any given candidate.
I suppose I could hold my nose and vote for Arnold if I disagreed with him on any one of his positions. When I find myself at odds with all of them (pro-abortion, pro-gay-rights, pro-big-government-programs, pro-gun-control, Warren-Buffet-economics), there just ain't no way I could. That (R) after his name only goes so far and it isn't far enough for me.
That's the only reason I've been hesistant to be against him (I'm not for him). He has to be Republican for a reason, right? Your typical Hollywood liberal is a Democrat or a Green or something . . . Arnold must be conservative in some way if he's a Republican . . . right? At this point I'm still searching for what that way might be. I hope there's something besides "Democrats are girly-boys and Arnold is Conan."
Don't get me wrong, I vastly prefer McClintock and that's who I would vote for, but figure there is the potential for A.S. to do some good, as it's likely we'll be stuck with him, although there is also the potential for him to do a lot of harm.
This whole spectacle is like watching a drowning man refuse to be saved by anyone but a Baywatch supermodel. Yes, everyone (male) would prefer CPR from Carmen Electra, but at this point, California is either getting Hasselhoff or a watery grave.
I thought that the good voters of California had been flailing in the water long enough, but by the looks of things, it's gonna take another couple of years of Democratic rule before people come around. I'm sure the Democrats are praying that every Republican stays in the race. They're savvy enough to unite behind one candidate, pity the Republicans are too proud to learn from the opposition.
I grew up in California, but at the time I thought it was only the liberals that had lost their minds.
And after all is said and done, I will have a clear conscience.
C;^))
*gasps* No, really?
Actually many folks doubt Arnold can swim, much less do CPR (to follow your metaphor). So they look for someone who has some "saving" capacity.
They may have it on the back burner but it's still there simmering. Arnold is pro-gun-control and it doesn't matter to me which burner it's on.
I would be happy now. But I don't think that's been mentioned on this thread until you brought it up?
Its become virtually impossible to distinguish you true conservative useful idiots of the left from the left itself based on your comments and issues.
You guys need to start issuing disclaimers.
Are you kidding????? His operation is a retread of liberal Pete Wilson who destroyed the Republican grassroots in California. This is Wilson II except that Liberal Arnold makes Wilson look conservative by comparison.
Unfortunately that currency wil be squandered on liberla big government programs that purport to help "the children". He's already promised that.
Its very simple. The "conservative useful idiots" of the left are trying to help get a liiberal Kennedy family member elected. Check Liberal Arnold's endorsements. That will give you a good "useful idiot" working list.
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