The Marriage Strike - Why are men reluctant to marry?

Radiofree West Hartford ^ | August 13, 2003 | Wendy McElroy

[69ConvertibleFirebird]

fear of financial devastation in divorce and of losing meaningful contact with children afterward

That pretty much sums it up. That and women leaving because of the mood of the day (ridiculous trivial reasons)...

"ACK! You b*stard!!! You left the toilet seat up!!! I'm gone!!!"

[sauropod]

I would find that I would have little in common with a 25 year old woman these days.

[mattdono]

Well, the article isn't about divorce, it is about men not getting married, so your questions, while interesting, aren't really on topic. That said, the PC (read: men hating) environment that we live in would probably explain away your questions about why men would enact self-punitive legislation. Simply put, politcians want to be elected (and/or re-elected) and the last thing they would want is to be called a "racist", a "sexist", a "bigot", etc., etc., etc. There seems to be numerous occassions where politicians will enact STOOPID (maybe even self-punitive) legislation just so they can get elected and not be called names. Self preservation. Self-loathing? Take your pick.

Really, the article is quite a commentary on how the women's movement and its effects (both immediate and latent) have had on male-female relationships.

I think that both men and women need to remember their place. By having a wife, men should work to improve themselves and become gentlemen. Women need to remember that men have very primal instincts, regardless their intelligence level or achieved status in life. Really, food and sex are about all a man needs to be truly happy (though sports have to come in close 8^)). With the advent of microwave dinners, take-out, and drive-thru, the wives don't have to do all that much in regard to food. They really only need to keep their man sexually satisfied. Not that it should be one way, but I am just saying there isn't a whole lot women have to do to satisfy their men.

For men, the satisfaction of a woman is a near impossible task. When doing housework, we don't do it the way they would do it. When the wife wants the new car/house/whatever, we are hounded not spending time with the kids when we take that extra sales trip. When we stay up late doing bills, we aren't spending "quality time" with them. When we do spend "quality time" (where both man and woman are satisfied), there isn't enough discussion afterward. Now, honestly, this doesn't describe my marriage, but there are certainly some elements of this in every marriage.

Guys really can't win and it seems, at least from this report, that they have figured that out. Combine that with the fact that many (young) women seem to lack both self-esteem and morals and are "givin' it up" for free...VOILA! there's the reason.

If I am an in-shape, well-paid, house-cleaning, caring dad and loving husband who cooks at least 3 days a week and puts the lid down, isn't that enough?

[MEGoody]

"Many States have these laws that make you married just by living together long enough."

True, but how long is long enough? Most couples I know who 'shacked up,' didn't stay together all that long.

[najida]

My late husband was a 20+ years old than I.
I don't recommend it....

(And I don't wanna get married again either......thankyouverymuch!)

[AppyPappy]

Try being male and going to court to plead for equitable settlement, child support, etc. Doesn;t exist.

That's because those men don't realize that a hitman is cheaper than a lawyer.

[sauropod]

"the income of the male rises significantly after the divorce, while the income, and living standard of the female, and the children, drops dramatically..."

Really? That's urban legend. Try paying child support.

[sauropod]

See post 40.

[BubbaBasher]

Many men confront continuing poverty to pay for the former marriage.

My soon-to-be ex is asking the court to award her a support amount that is higher than my salary (for as long as she wants).

[tracer]

Because it still is illegal to kill lawyers? 8~)

[tracer]

I rest my case, so to speak....

[dogbrain]

"I don't condone it, but I understand it."

[.cnI redruM]

Yep, a lot of guys won't buy the cow if they are getting free milk as it is.

[MineralMan]

"One signifigant worry for Gen X guys is the retirement factor. With an insolvent SS and staggering taxes coming right up, being financially devastated by a divorce is gonig to be even more damaging than ever."

All the more reason to marry only after a lot of consideration and a very long engagement. Marrying quickly is the surest way to get a divorce.

[Spok]

I always get a private chuckle out of seeing men who hyphenated their last name getting divorced. You know EXACTLY what the problem with their marriage was...

[sauropod]

That can work some of the time. Unless she has made having and taking care of her children her no. 1 priority, no. 2 being her mother, no. 3 being what the neighbors think and where you live, and then a distant fourth is the husband.

It happened to me with a supposedly "Christian" woman.

[Thommas]

..urban legend. Try paying child support.

True.

[MineralMan]

"And yes, marriage for sex is stupid. Marriage for ANY reason is stupid ... at least half the time."

Not at all. It all depends on how and why the marriage happened in the first place. Go interview some of those folks in lifelong marriages. Ask them why they're still together while the other half isn't. Sheesh! The answers are there, for anyone willing to look for them, and you'll find the same answers, pretty much, no matter which lifelong couple you ask.

And sex is going to be way down the list. Can you guarantee a happy marriage? Probably not. You can, however, pretty much guarantee an unhappy one.

[null and void]

Even then, you are taking your chances. Seriously. - tortoise

That bad? - jjm2111

MUCH, MUCH worse.

I'm a firm believer in Asimov's Law. Issac Asimov was asked about going into a career in writing.

He replied: "Going into a career in wrting is like getting married - anyone who CAN be talked out of it SHOULD be..."