Dear John Paul: Don't even think about it (Barf Alert!)

Globe and Mail ^ | Saturday, August 9, 2003 | HEATHER MALLICK

[swilhelm73]

Canada is a secular nation. I love you for that, beautiful Canada. Secularism means great things. Churchy people of any brand have no say in government, and that's all she wrote.

The Pope and the elderly men he appoints as archbishops are snubbed when they pipe up on fishing quotas and the question of whether the Trans-Canada should get a third lane. The mullahs get a blank look from MPs when they favour charcoal briquettes over propane.

Worldwide, we look at religion's excesses: The Orange marching and adulterer-stoning, bits of Nigerian child sacrifices washing up in the Thames, banning condoms, Magdalene laundries, sodomite bashing and fighting over stupid hats, making women uber-bathe once a month because menstruating women stink. All that rudeness and cruelty: We don't do that in Canada.

Or so I thought.

Apparently, we let our guard down, as has Britain, where Tony Blair, emulating George W. Bush, is openly making his government "faith-based" and officially Christian and will now end his speeches with "God bless you."

Churchists see a chink in the Canadian secular armour. The Pope has actually ordered Catholic MPs to vote against a bill allowing gays to marry, and some of these MPs, who ran for office without mentioning they had a secret boss and it wasn't voters, are going to obey. What grubby little people we elect: Obsessed with sex, they don't realize that marriage is so much more. It's companionship, it's support, both moral and fiscal, it's backup, it's "the smile of Garbo and the scent of roses," it's these foolish things that remind me of you.

And why shouldn't gays have it too?

Get out your scythes, putative yokels, and sever the ears of ye suspiciously short-haired women and slender men of good taste! It's time to mock homosexuals, remind them that any affection they feel doesn't deserve recognition, only contempt, and that the sex they have is revolting, even more tufted and foul-smelling than what men and women do.

No. Canadians won't have it.

Women know what religious bullying feels like. We're used to it. The rights feminists won were human rights and they extend to gays too. MPs may think gays are such a small minority that giving them the equivalent of a boot to the ribs of a broken man in a park at night won't lose them many votes, but it will. Canadians think gay marriage is okay. Furthermore, they don't like bullying and the brutes who do it. Any MPs who join the gay-bashing gang are going to suffer in the next election, and not just because they lied to voters about whom they answer to.

I must calm myself.

The fact is, I know nothing about religion. It bores me. As Bertrand Russell wrote, I am opposed to all superstition: Muslim, Christian, Jewish or Buddhist. If you think it's odd that I believe I'm descended from apes, I won't say what I think of virgin births. I am appalled to be told the religion of Paul Martin. I didn't want to know. Surely it is a private matter.

I don't know the religion (if any) of my friends. For the purposes of research, I tried politely to find out.

I asked the woman I admire most, a Roman Catholic, if she attended church. She rolled her eyes. "Like I have time for that?"

I asked a friend (Catholic?) why she had one kid, not eight. "Because I had a hysterectomy six years ago. You visited me in hospital."

Another definite Catholic attended church "because she was used to it."

I asked my Scottish mother if we'd ever had any God-botherers in the family. "Heather, don't be daft."

I asked a beautiful young friend who might be Muslim how devout she was. "Scarves give you hat head like you wouldn't believe. You have to draw the line somewhere."

I do know one definite Catholic. Is it sexy to sit in a small dark room and talk filth to a stranger through a screen, I asked him. "I'm married," he said indignantly. "I don't go downtown." "I meant confession, you silly man," I said. "Oh. No, I don't do that either."

Why is it religious adherents are generally so much gentler than the men who run their churches? My friends are unlikely gay bashers, especially if they're gay. As for gay priests, they always puzzled me, but they must be suicidal now, preaching against themselves.

This is too complicated.

I once dreamed I would be a crusading columnist. I needed a single unique issue on which to plant my flag. Many are taken. Terence (Corky) Corcoran fights consumer safety ("Vinyl toys: Let your baby lick them"). Mark Kingwell fights for logic. Michele Landsberg has feminism.

But now I'm so angry I've found my métier. I hate bullying. My hate, honed by years of feminism, burns brighter each year. I will seek out bullying wherever it lurks and fight it with words.

I will start with the Pope importing cruelty into this country, which must be fought by every civilized voter. I'm telling Pope John Paul II: This is my country. Don't you dare.

[Threepwood]

The Pope being a "bully"? Ugh, this woman is retarded. Pope John has been a tireless advocate of human dignity, forming and mandating all kinds of social justice movements (some of which might not be popular on FR)and demanding human rights for people living under tyranny. Communism in Eastern Europe collapsed at least partly because of John Paul, no thanks to worthless North American leftists.

As for Canada being a "secular" nation, that is entirely a recent notion. Up until about 1970, that idea would have been ridiclous. What we have here, is a shrill leftist venting her terror that someone is attempting to re-calibrate Canada's badly out of whack moral compass. I'm glad she's chosen to fight, if her weapons are what they appear to be-fallacious reasoning based on poor research, unrepresentitive sampling, and a boring writing style the events she fears will come that much sooner.

Finally, I would like to point out that she clearly states that her hatred has been "honed by years of feminism". Which I think is a serious "by their fruits you shall know them" moment for the rest of us.

[Petronski]

My hate,
honed by years of feminism,
burns brighter each year.

Choke on it, sister.

[swilhelm73]

On the other hand if you call someone who advocates socialism a socialist, the leftists have a hissy fit.

[The Iguana]

I feel profoundly sad for this woman.

[300winmag]

This LEFTIST would deny anyone who attends a Church any participation in government.

This woman is a flaming moderate compared to one leftist I know. She said, "the First Ammendment requires the government to enforce the separation of church and state. Once a person has expressed a religious thought, their entire thought process is suspect. It's the government's duty to protect me from them by keeping them under surveillance in case they are ever motivated by another religious thought."

Basically, for her, all non-atheists (agnostics can have "religious" thoughts, too) have to be monitored by the government because they are a clear and present danger. Expressing a "religious thought" makes you a definite suspect, because she can never "trust" you again to have a proper thought.

The author of this screed is a mere piker. At least she would still allow "religious" to remain in general society, as long as they kept their traps shut.

[Thor_Hammar]

You wrote, "Don't like the rules? Don't let the doorknob hit you on the way out the door."

Butt isn't this heather-brained idiot claiming some sort of constitutional (or whatever it is Canada has. I think it's some act of the British Parliament still held in the UK.) right to let the doorknob hit anyone in the butt?

[Salman]

On the other hand if you call someone who advocates socialism a socialist, the leftists have a hissy fit.

You got that right. That's McCarthyism.

[utahagen]

What's with the reference to her friend who'd had a hysterectomy? Does this jackass believe that the Catholic Church forbids women from having hysterectomies for medical reasons?