Posted on 08/07/2003 8:10:03 AM PDT by yonif
More grandpas and grandmas are getting divorced but many of them, after their initial feeling of freedom and relief, regret their move. So says Prof. Solly Dreiman of the behavioral science department of Ben-Gurion University of the Negev in Beersheba, who conducted a study of divorce among those over age 45.
The clinical psychologist said that 32 percent of men and 24% of women who divorce are over 45. One of the main causes is disruption and imbalance in the couple's lives caused by "empty nest syndrome" after their children grow up and leave home.
With preoccupation with their offspring much reduced, tensions and problems that the couple disregarded when the children were there suddenly come to the fore. In addition, said the BGU researchers, older women are more economically independent and more able to manage after divorce than a generation ago, he said.
Divorces at this age are often "friendly," because the couple want contact with their grown children and don't want to force them to choose between the parents. In addition, the couple's long-time friends usually remain close to them, even if they separate.
Many divorced couples over 45 are disappointed soon afterwards, because they feel the loss of decades-old friendship and support; some of those he interviewed complained of severe loneliness and even despair. Many say that they never knew how difficult it would be to live alone after divorce and if they had, would have reconsidered.
It's a no-brainer.
Confuscius say: "When person break sacred vow, person cannot expect happiness to follow."
Too many men are influenced by the environment of sexual permisiveness of the last 3 or 4 decades and find it easy to imagine that they are going o get laid as frequently as their wishes would dictate by young women with bodies that seem to appear better than their wives sometimes frumpier looks.
That's why it is important to keep proper perspective. That is also why it should be seen as important to enter the marriage for the all of the right reasons in the first place. Unfortunately, there is a huge amount of discord in modern marriages, made so by these (unrealistic) influences and by selfishness. My wish for all of my children is that they find the right marriage for all the right reasons, avoid the marriage poisons, and enjoy the last decades of their marriage as much as their first weeks....
I had to snicker at that "empty nest syndrome"--it's more likely a "full nest syndrome" that is causing the tension. The elder divorces in my milieu happened shortly upon retirement--
Speak for yourself. Mine was great.
I did, for awhile. Then I found out that he'd ruined the kids' college fund by supporting his young mistress. Shortly after this, federal investigators showed up at my door and filled me in on the white-collar crimes he'd committed. There's other stuff that I'm not going to get into in a public forum, but take my word for it, it's ghastly. So, uh, no. I've forgiven him for what he did to us, but I'm not in a position to forgive him for what he's done the kids; that's up to them. In any case I'm sure-God not going to take him back. Besides, he married someone else. Even if their marriage broke up, which it just might--No.
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