'Can you lend me $1,000?'
'I only have $800.'
'That's all right You can owe me the other $200.'
Brother: Where was Solomon's temple ?
Sister: On either side of his head.
Mum: How did you do in the grammar test ?
Kate: Great, mum. I only made one mistake and I seen it as soon as I done it.
Little Susie stood in a department store near the escalator, watching the moving handrail.
'Something wrong little girl?' inquired the security guard.
'Nope,' replied Susie, 'just waiting for my chewing gum to come back.'
Why did you refuse to marry Richard, Tessa ?
COs he said he would die if I didn't and I'm just curious.
Mandy was applying for a summer job.
'How old are you?' asked the owner of the store.
'I'm twelve years old, Sir,' answered Mandy.
'And what do you expect to be when you grow up ?'
'Twenty one, Sir.'
Science teacher: Can you tell me one substance that conducts electricity, Jane ?
Jane: Why er......
Science teacher: Wire is correct.
Why are you crying, Janie?
Because my new tennis shoes hurt.
That's because you put them on the wrong feet.
Well, they're the only feet I have.
Girl: How much is a soft drink ?
Waitress: Fifty cents.
Girl: How much is refill ?
Waitress: The first is free.
Girl: Well then, I'll have a refill.
The second grader was in bed with a cold and high temperature. 'How high is it, Doctor?' she wanted to know.
'One hundred and three,' said the doctor.
'What is the world record?'
Little Sheila's mother was on the telephone to the girl's dentist. 'I don't understand it,' she complained, 'I thought her treatment would only cost me $20, but you've charged me $80.'
'It is usually $20, ma'am,' agreed the dentist, 'but Sheila yelled so loudly that three of my other patients ran away!'
Teacher: Didn't you know the bell had gone ?
Silly Sue: I didn't take it, Miss.
'Mary,' said her teacher. 'You can't bring that lamb into school. What about the smell ?'
'Oh, that's all right, Miss,' replied Mary. 'It'll soon get used to it.'
Jennifer: Are you coming to my party ?
Sandra: No, I ain't.
Jennifer: Now, you know what Miss told us. Not ain't. It's I am not coming, he is not coming, she is not coming, they are not coming.
Sandra: Blimey, ain't nobody coming ?
Visitor: You're very quiet, Jennifer.
Jennifer: Well, my mum gave me a dollar not to say anything about your red nose.
Biology teacher: What kinds of birds do we get in captivity?
Janet: Jail birds, Miss!
Mother: Did you enjoy the school outing, dear ?
Jane: Yes, and we're going again tomorrow.
Mother: Really ? Why's that ?
Jane: To try and find the kids we left behind.
Teacher: Are you good at arithmetic?
Mary: Well, yes and no.
Teacher: What do you mean, yes and no?
Mary: Yes, I'm no good at arithmetic.
Grandma: You've left all your crusts, Mary. When I was your age I ate every one.
Mary: Do you still like crusts, Grandma?
Grandma: Yes, I do.
Mary: Well, you can have mine. |