Butch, Butch Bush! (Dowd alert)

The New York Times ^ | 08/03/03 | Maureen Dowd

[Pokey78]

WASHINGTON

Let's get it straight. The president and the pope aren't riding the new gay wave.

"I believe a marriage is between a man and a woman," said President Bush last week. "And I think we ought to codify that one way or the other. And we've got lawyers looking at the best way to do that." Trying to add a tolerant note to an intolerant policy, he allowed that he was "mindful that we're all sinners."

Last time I checked, we had separation of church and state, so I don't know why the president is talking about sin, or why he is implying that gays who want to make a permanent commitment in a world full of divorce and loneliness are sinners.

If we follow Mr. Bush's logic, shouldn't we have a one-strike-and-you're-out constitutional amendment: no marriage for gays, but no second marriage for straights who prove they're not up to it?

The Vatican, always eager to erase lines between church and state, warned Catholic lawmakers it would be "gravely immoral" to vote for gay marriage or gay adoption. Such preaching seems tinny coming after revelations about the scope of homosexuality in the priesthood.

Until last week's denunciations, this had been a giddy Summer of Gays. First the Supreme Court blessing. Then Hollywood's raft of gay-themed projects, from J.Lo's lesbian turn in "Gigli" to the Bravo reality shows "Boy Meets Boy" and "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."

"Queer Eye," the summer makeover hit, on the cover of Entertainment Weekly, features five gay guys who swoop in to give the Cinderfella treatment to unexfoliated straight guys, while scattering catty comments about their grooming and decor, such as, "This place screams women's correctional facility."

Maybe we should pity President Bush, stranded in his 50's world of hypermasculinity as his country goes gay and metrosexual (straight men with femme tastes like facials). Even the uptight Wal-Mart stores have expanded antidiscrimination policy to protect gay employees, and Bride's magazine is offering its first feature on same-sex weddings.

Maybe the president and his swaggering circle should think about a "Queer Eye" makeover. I asked a gay political reporter friend if he could offer some tips:

On the vice president: "I'd love to see Cheney with a pierced ear and a diamond stud. Or in a body-hugging black T-shirt, just for the pure sport of it.

"He needs new eyewear. With his big face and lantern jaw, he should lose those five-pound glasses. There are some fabulous frames out there.

"About his hair, all I can offer is my sincere regrets."

On the defense secretary: "In his own sort of antediluvian way, Rummy is a metrosexual. He works. He may be a warmonger, he may be intemperate, but just about every third woman I know wants him."

When it came to the president's possibilities, he got really excited: "Cowboy boots are fine for a certain kind of saucy backyard barbecue. But wearing them as often as he does, with those big belt buckles in the shape of Texas, it seems like he's trying too hard to prove his masculinity.

"He's definitely on the right track with low-stress weight lifting, but if he really wants a physique for the ages, a little yoga would help uncoil that gunslinger hunch.

"His hair is too tightly clipped. It looks painted on. And he's a huge squinter. The corner of his eyes are starting to look lined. Botox alert!

"He needs to dip into the merciful world of cosmetic products and avail himself of some kind of lip balm or gloss that helps mask the fact that he misplaced his lips somewhere.

"In open-collar shirts, he has a tiny little island of lost chest hair. It is too low to be a shaving oversight and too high to be a peripheral outgrowth of Alec Baldwin chest mat. It's neither fish nor fowl, so he should wax it out of there.

"Everything else about him just shouts `Butch, butch, butch!' But to throw Bush a metrosexual bone, whenever you see him walking off Air Force One with that little furball Barney under his arm, that canine puff of air that most drag queens wouldn't be caught dead with, it's like he's halfway to a Chanel rabbit fur handbag.

"Bush does such a good job of seeming blissfully laid back and vacantly bubbly that he might as well go blond. It might help with California's electoral votes, too."   

[freeforall]

Can I just say, I will never read anything more from this dowdy communist again.

[mcenedo]

I asked a gay political reporter friend if he could offer some tips:

Is there any other kind of political reporter at the Slime?

Before Dowd, or anyone at the Slime, expounds on gay issues, I think it would be appropriate for the Slime to inform its readers what percentage of its reporters and editors are gay.

My guess - 30%, about 5 times the national average. (Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, but if an organization has more than three times the national average, maybe their objectivity should be questioned.)

[Paul Atreides]

I used to compare The Dowdy One to Cathy until I realized that Cathy has more substance.

[Miss Marple]

Who are the current male political reporters at the Times? We ought to be able to narrow this one down.

[ChewedGum]

Yes, but I'm learning not to. (Well - ok. Maybe not, but I have made a new vow not to click on any thread that has Kobe, Scott, or Peterson in the title. EVER.)

Gum

[Davis]

Here is great analysis of NYTimes...click here

[Joe Marine 76]

Mo Dowd and her pufter political reporter friend should never compare our President with the likes of Alec Baldwin. Mr. Bush is a man of conviction and a man of his word. Baldwin is a sorry excuse for a man!.... I guess his one-way airline ticket out of the country got lost in the mail after the President was inaugurated?

[mountaineer]

I'm wondering if being dumped by Michael Douglas has sent her over to "the other team," not that there's anything wrong with that.

[Paul Atreides]

The NYT only employs females and eunuchs as staff.

[Paul Atreides]

The Dowdy One is a fag hag. On more that one occasion she has referred to her "gay friends."

[Miss Marple]

"Not that there's anything wrong with that.."

[Miss Marple]

Well, I still want to know WHICH gay male political reporter she was talking about. I want to pinpoint this person who obviously has a crush on the President. Of course, Maureen could have just made this person up out of whole cloth, but then she wouldn't do that, now would she?

[proud American in Canada]

"Yes, but I'm learning not to. (Well - ok. Maybe not, but I have made a new vow not to click on any thread that has Kobe, Scott, or Peterson in the title. EVER.)"

LOL! I wish I had your willpower. I do try to stay away from the oh-so-predictable Kobe, etc. threads... but... it's... so.... so... very difficult!''

Please, some creative freeper help me..

vow of absti-click? No..

celi-click? no...

come on, someone, I know that someone here will think of something hilarious to describe that vow of never again clicking on a thread that will only raise one's blood pressure without providing any satisfaction. Or something like that.

No, I already know what y'all are thinking... ;)

[proud American in Canada]

"Maureen could have just made this person up out of whole cloth"


standard practice for the NY Times, isn't it? ;)

[Akira]

If we follow Mr. Bush's logic, shouldn't we have a one-strike-and-you're-out constitutional amendment: no marriage for gays, but no second marriage for straights who prove they're not up to it?

I tried really really hard to go with her on that one, to try and follow GW's logic on a twisty path to her conclusion, but alas it was impossible. I couldn't care less whether gays are allowed to marry (and I wish the federal government felt the same), but what an embarassing article.

[Akira]

Why do I read the Dowd threads? Why Why Why!

Well, at least you're always guaranteed some CZJ pictures.

[speekinout]

whenever you see him walking off Air Force One with that little furball Barney under his arm, that canine puff of air that most drag queens wouldn't be caught dead with, it's like he's halfway to a Chanel rabbit fur handbag.

Actually, Barney looks like a mink muff that my mother used to carry in the 50's.
I love those pix.

[Wild Irish Rogue]

" Wonder who's sthuping her now? "

According to the New York Post,it's Aaron Sorkin,the creator of the West Wing .Aaron had quite a year, awhile back.He left his wife, after she just had a baby and then he was arrested at the Burbank airport with a crack pipe,pot and magic mushrooms.And then Mo-he hit the trifecta ! Aaron looks like a cross between George Stephanopoulos and Sidney Blumenthal,only more girly,if that's possible. Mo's columns read like a suicide note.

[TC Rider]

Dowd: Last time I checked, ..gays .. are sinners.

[Miss Marple]

Hmmm. I wonder if she loooks at old Aaron snoring in bed beside her and then gets up and writes one of these veiled pleas for W's attention.

Dark freudian thoughts on a Saturday night....