Morford: Skanky Hot Strippers Of Love

SF Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, July 30, 2003 | Mark Morford, 35 Year-Old Bachelor Party Virgin

[End Times Sentinel]

All strippers:

1)Are someone's daughter
2)Are drugged up - you have to be to do what they do.
3)Hate every man in the room.

But don't let that stop you from enjoying yourself.

 

Strippers are a lot like sausage.  They're great, until you start thinking about where they come from...

 

Owl_Eagle

”Unleash the Hogs of Peace.”
P.J. O'Rourke Parliament of Whores

[End Times Sentinel]

LOL!  Tremendous!

 

 

Owl_Eagle

”Unleash the Hogs of Peace.”
P.J. O'Rourke Parliament of Whores

[SquirrelKing]

LOL! "Okay, we're sharing the bed to save money, but why are you nude?"

"Where's your other hand?"

"Between two pillows."

"THOSE AREN'T PILLOWS!"

[hosepipe]

"..it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."- Macbeth

[nothingnew]

Gonna be a lot of bone dancing with Mr. Sphincter at this gig.

FMCDH

[Constitution Day]

LOL! She'd be more happy at a bachelorette party.

[ICX]

Bah! I was beaten to the punch.

"Women have an entire array of rites, bachelorette parties and bridal showers and baby showers and Tupperware parties and Mary Kay brainwashings and oh-my-God-look-at-these-super- cute-shoes-I-got-on-sale showers and few indeed are the men who can tell any of them apart, really, except one features some nice finger sandwiches and Baby Gap swag and at the other everyone gives vibrators and bad lingerie. Or something."



It's nice that he disclaimed that with 'or something.' Otherwise he might come off...you know...like a fag.

[MikalM]

Folks, Morford is straight. But he's a particularly odd sort of postmodern straight male, one that less sensitive previous generations might have called a "sissy"...

[CyberAnt]

"which make John Ashcroft scowl and pule and seethe with quiet jealousy"

Since I'm from the same camp as Ashcroft - this statement about "seething quiet jealousy" is about as far from the truth as you can get.

One of the great benefits of being baptized in the Holy Ghost is that you no longer have any desires for this type of garbage. I never think about alcohol - wishing I could drink - this just never even enters into my thought processes. My little mom enjoys a glass of wine - especially when we go out to dinner - and I will buy it for her because I'm not having any and because she's not driving.

And .. most importantly - I don't IMPOSE ON HER MY STANDARDS. However, people like Morford want to IMPOSE ON YOU HIS LASCIVIOUS LIFE STYLE.

Morford thinks everyone is dealing with the impulses he's dealing with - and they're not; especially not Ashcroft.

[GodBlessRonaldReagan]

My only thought after that is what are you doing at a bachelor paryt then? I am getting married in a few months and I have no desire to gamble, have strippers (or porno), and excessive alchol.

Last batchelor party I attended, we drank cokes and discussed home improvements.

That's just one of the reasons they call me "Mr. Excitement"!

[CaptainK]

Strippers are a lot like sausage. They're great, until you start thinking about where they come from...

Excellent analogy.

[bc2]

Mark, you f@cking p%ssy! Quit trying to cop my style!

gimme Hunter S. Thompson any day... he's a lot more readable, and unlike Marky here, he has heavy drug use to explain his paranoid rantings.

[bc2]

Not all strippers are on drugs, and not all of them hate every man in the room.

Believe it or not, some girls can be just as gross as some guys can be! I have met a few strippers in my day, and I have only met a few who were "drugged out" and quite a few of them who LOVED what they were doing. Not just because of the money (although they sure love the money!) but because of the sense of power they have.

While I personally don't like hanging out at the "sucker bar", I certainly don't feel bad for too many of those girls. Most make a helluv a lot of money, and are, at least presently, quite happy with what they're doing.

PS- I have met home schooled, college educated, straight-edge strippers.

[presidio9]

Folks, Morford is straight.

Like a lot of fags, Morford claims to be straight. She is not. If you read her columns regularly it is impossible to miss her homosexuality. She is particularly obsessed with President Bush. But that is about the only bush she cares for.

[CaptainK]

I don't know you but your naivety about women leads me to believe you are a man. So let me explain the female psyche to you. When a woman's job is basically to degrade herself in front of a roomful of drooling drunk men, truth is a negligible entity. So strippers lie. A LOT.

No guy likes a bitter stripper because it ruins the fun. And the girl knows it. So they will put on a big happy face and tell you fairytales of how much they love their job and they don't need to be high and they love all the men in the audience.

If there is one thing a stripper knows it's how to separate a dollar bill from a man. That's why a pole swinger can tell any man that they "are hot" with a straight face.

If you believe what strippers "tell you", you probably believe that Anna Nicole Smith loved her 90 year old husband. She stated so under oath, so it must be true.

P.S. If you are a woman ignore my rant.

[xp38]

I think its a matter of geography and convenience. Reno gets the San Francisco crowd and Vegas gets the LA crowd. Coming from far away and having been to both there is no comparison. Vegas is the only way to go.

[bc2]

Yup, I'm a man. Guilty as charged!

I work part time at a tattoo shop and travel across the country with tattooers quite frequently. Between the strippers we tattoo at the shop (that I know personally, outside of the strip clubs) and the ones I know from traveling around the country (when you hang out with tattooers enough you inevitably end up at some strip joint at the end of the night on more than a few occasions) I can say with some authority that you're not 100% correct.

I'm not at all suggesting that what you say doesn't occur. Even a lot. All I'm saying is that there are plenty of, well, excuse me but for lack of a better term, "kinky broads" out there who get off on the power trip that their job allows them on a nightly basis. Certainly they don't like all the guys out there. A lot of guys who go to strip clubs are scumbags. A lot of the girls are coked out bimbos. A lot of them hate their jobs.

But a lot of them like it. They don't mind the scumbags, because swinging from a pole buck naked isn't degrading to these girls. They're kinky. They don't see it as degrading. So while they can seperate a guy from his dollar with the best salesmen in the world, they don't hate every minute of it.

Some girls are strung out waste cases who do it for the money and hate every second of it. But there are other girls who like what they do and make ton of money doing it.

That's all I'm saying. I've had the oppertunity to see that side of the society and it ain't the girls being taken advantage of. BELIEVE ME. A lot of these girls are sharper than hell, and enjoy every second of acting sexy and snatching up tons of cash from dumb suckers on a nightly basis.

[CaptainK]

But there are other girls who like what they do and make ton of money doing it.

They like the money. They don't like what they do. If they could earn the money bagging groceries they would. Take Tracy Lords for instance. Have you seen her on TV lately? She is bitching and moaning about her life in porno which 20 years age she purportedly couldn't get enough of.

All I'm trying to tell you is that there are certain women who know what to tell men because they know what men want to hear. No one is "kinky" 24/7. Even the most perverted of us needs a rest once in a while. And while everyone has a dark side these women expose themselves to the dark side as their means of living. It is a soul sucking way of life and they always come to regret it.

You see, I was only trying to provide a public service by letting the gentleman at FR understand the inner ruminations your average ecdysiast. I don't mean to be a party pooper by exposing the fantasy, but them's the facts.