From David Letterman:
Top Ten Hillary Clinton Campaign Slogans 10. "Read My Lips -- No New Interns" 9. "Reward Me For Putting Up With Bill's Crap For So Long" 8. "Isn't It Time You Were Disappointed By A Different Clinton?" 7. "Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You, Ask How You Can Illegally Contribute To My Campaign" 6. "Vote For Me Or My Husband Will Nail Your Wife" 5. "You Give Me A Vote, I'll Get Vernon Jordan To Give You A Job" 4. "Still Not Indicted As Of Early '99!" 3. "From Perjury To Albany" 2. "Building A Bridge To The 21st Century, And Pushing My Husband Over It" 1. "Oh Lord, Please Don't Make Me Go Back To Arkansas" Top Ten Ways Hillary Clinton Can Ruin Her Approval Rating 10. Sell priceless White House antiques to support her crack habit. 9. Change her official title to "First Lady of Soul." 8. Launch crusade to get every child in America hooked on chewing tobacco. 7. Dash into elevators, hit buttons of floors nobody wants to go to, dash back out. 6. Become pregnant with the child of Aerosmith's Steven Tyler. 5. Admit she had a hand in developing the new Tom Arnold show. 4. Write children's book called The Little Engine That Hid Whitewater Documents Then Lied About It. 3. Beat Al Gore to death with a rake. 2. Become stripper and change name to "Hillary Hooters." 1. Publish her love letters to Saddam Hussein. Top Ten Signs Hillary Clinton is Running for President 10. Jogging shorts getting shorter and shorter 9. During press conferences stands behind Bill and makes "He's nuts" hand gestures 8. Has been practicing dropping her pants in front of White House staffers 7. Vote for Hillary found shaved into the fur of Socks the cat 6. Lately she's been eating more french fries than Bill 5. Has been encouraging Gennifer Flowers to have affairs with potential Republican opponents 4. Bill: "Good Morning, dear" -- Hillary: "You're goin' dowwwn, sucker!" 3. She's lined up Tony Randall to sing at her Inaugural Ball 2. Keeps barging into Oval office and hollering, "Bubba, get your fat ass outta my chair!" 1. Refers to Bill as "the First Lady"