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Trial Lawyers the 11th Plague
Original | 7/16/03 | Robert Wolf

Posted on 07/17/2003 3:46:06 PM PDT by aynfan

Trial Lawyers the 11th Plague

By Robert Wolf

The AMA has finally noticed that Americans are getting portly; and there is no surprise that avaricious members of the ABA have noticed as well. Tobacco company veins of the are running dry and nightfall approaches. It’s time to select another victim.

It can not be denied that many Americans are overweight. But it probably has as much to do with overtaxing as it does with overeating. Both parents are now forced to work to keep the bloated federal government afloat. If deep pockets have anything to do with these proceedings, perhaps, trial lawyers should name the government in their suits.

The dangers of smoking were clear; but this is still a free country (although barely), and free people should be permitted to assess their own risks. This self-determination should also apply to what we eat.

For years, cigarettes were called ‘coffin nails’ and ‘cancer sticks’ making the downfall of the Tobacco industry inevitable. Notice that the name-calling is at work as well on snack and fast foods. They are called ‘Junk food’. It is a phrase so embedded in the national psyche that those who provide this service will soon fight an uphill battle against a pre-established perception of their guilt. This is why lawyers are zeroing in on fast food and Oreos; not sit down, full service restaurants whose fare is no less caloric.

There is nothing wrong with junk food that a little moderation wouldn’t cure. If Aristotle was correct, moderation is a virtue. Snacks and fast food are no worse for us than Mom’s proverbial apple pie, which is heavy in starch, fat and sugar. The difference is that the pie was shared. Dad may have had a second helping, but no one pigged out and ate the whole thing.

We are too often told we can have it all, that bigger is better and to fight for ‘our share’ (Whatever that is?). Is it any wonder that we have the urge to supersize when we order fries? The issue is self-control, which Americans increasingly fail to exercise.

Lawyers are stampeding to be the first to sue. What is their argument? Not that we were forced to super-size, but that we were not warned junk food was fattening. Is anyone that out of touch with reality? Logic would lead us to believe that the phrase ‘junk food’ tells it all and would serve as a warning. I guess not. So, the Oreo will go the way of the Dodo or be transmogrified into something grotesquely inedible.

With both parents working, sometimes at several jobs, they have no time to plan, shop for and cook daily nutritious meals. American families work too many hours, are sleep deprived, and get too little quality time with their kids. There is no time, at least on a weeknight, to recreate Martha’s Sunset Supper Surprise. That is why there is a thriving convenience foods industry. Some families pick up Chateau Briand or Chicken Kiev already prepared by their supermarket at $80 a pop, but most Americans open a can, order pizza or go to a fast food joint.

Disagreement aside, this could be a bigger bonanza for the lawyers than they realize, if they were to cast a wider net. One has to have permission from Uncle Sam to sue the government so that may not work, but how about naming the movie and television industries in the suits? Passively snacking in front of a screen, for hours on end, is a sure way to put on weight. We should be warned, shouldn’t we?

How about suing the ad agencies? There are hundred of commercials pitching stuff to eat or drink with nary a warning; and then there’s that popcorn at the movie theatre dripping with something akin to suntan lotion called “buttery flavor”. To be fair, we are given a warning there, but it resembles the one for nuclear waste and ignores our adiposal concerns.

Let’s not overlook IBM, Apple, Microsoft and the various and sundry software manufacturers. If it weren’t for computers, and their attendant games, wouldn’t we be out skipping rope or playing hopscotch, collectively shedding tons of ugly fat?

And last but not least, don’t forget to sue our parents who urged us to ‘clean our plates’ and told us that ‘the people in China were starving’ (Who knows why? It seemed to make sense to them.)

Have lawyers overlooked these possibilities? Probably not, since nothing is absurd any longer. I’m sure they’ll get around to it, and there’ll be grist for tomorrow’s mill.

Without doubt, being overweight can be a health hazard, but the answer is not more lawsuits; it’s more restraint.


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Culture/Society; Editorial; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: fastfood; fat; lawyers; overweight; robertwolf; snackfood; snacks; triallawyers

1 posted on 07/17/2003 3:46:07 PM PDT by aynfan
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To: aynfan
If Congress had any backbone they would straighten out the run-away lawyers by simply enacting the provision into tort law that LOSER PAYS COURT COSTS FOR BOTH SIDES. Suddenly court dockets would un-jam, frivilous suits would disppear, and lawyers would have to do honest days working.
2 posted on 07/17/2003 3:50:13 PM PDT by NetValue (They're not Americans, they're liberal democrats!)
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To: All
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3 posted on 07/17/2003 3:52:03 PM PDT by Support Free Republic (Your support keeps Free Republic going strong!)
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To: aynfan
New York, NY (AP) ... The biblical ten plagues have filed suit for slander after being compared to trial lawyers... breaking...
4 posted on 07/17/2003 4:01:16 PM PDT by pabianice
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To: pabianice
ROTFLMAO
5 posted on 07/17/2003 4:23:42 PM PDT by y2k_free_radical (i)
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To: pabianice
ROTFLMAO
6 posted on 07/17/2003 4:23:42 PM PDT by y2k_free_radical (i)
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To: NetValue
I heartily agree.
7 posted on 07/17/2003 6:21:28 PM PDT by aynfan
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To: pabianice
Are lawyers that repugnant? ;-)
8 posted on 07/17/2003 6:24:24 PM PDT by aynfan
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